Just by listening to their young ones’ dreams parents can learn a lot about their children
One night, after having seen a nightmare, your little one comes running to your room crying, “Mummy! Mummy!”, all terrified and shaking. Regardless of your assurance that nothing is going to hurt him/her, your little one snuggles with you and falls asleep.

Sounds familiar?  Well, there is no count of how many times children around the world have nightmares at night and seek out their parents for comfort. Countless times parents have assured their children that it is just a dream and not real and that nothing is going to hurt them. Regardless, for children it is all so real. 

At this moment I am tempted to ask, ‘Do you remember any of your childhood dreams?’ I am sure some of you do remember some, regardless of whether it was a nightmare or not. Most of the time we don’t give much thought to our dreams, because we don’t usually remember them. Of the ones we remember, we are fascinated by the details.

Sometimes we share it with others and often, if it is too intriguing, even write it down, but are mostly clueless as to what they mean. I remember some of my dreams from long ago that helped me solve problems: math and science ones at that. Almost as if my subconscious assessed my real-life problem and offered some help that improved the way I performed in my class. Sounds spooky, but yes, that actually happened to me.  

Have you realized that when we sleep, our body becomes almost paralyzed, but ‘What happens to our mind?’ is a question even sleep experts don’t know much about. But scientists seem to agree that sleep is the period when our memories are sorted. That’s also the time when memories meet emotions. In fact, while dreaming some areas of our brain—the occipital lobe, that processes images, and the amygdala, that regulates emotions—are more active, which makes our dreams seem very real. Young children have a hard time differentiating between dream and reality. That’s because dreams relate to their conscious state of awareness, and just by listening to their child’s dreams parents can learn a lot about their children.  

Unfortunately parents are too busy to spare the time to listen to their children’s dreams.

Thus they are missing out on important components of their children’s life as dreaming is part of human experience and children spend more time dreaming than do adults. For children, dreams are often fun, because they dream of things they love: friends, family, pets, cartoons or even their favorite celebrities and would like to share that with their loved ones. Some children may experience dreams significant enough to even shape their thoughts and actions. Not to mention nightmares that frighten them enough to run to their parents in the middle of the night, only to be brushed aside as, ‘dreams are dreams, nothing real’. Parents fail to understand that for children their dreams seem very real and they fear of nightmares returning if they go back to sleep again. Hence they will want to sleep with their parents. Let them have that assurance, along with a promise that you will help them draw the monster in the morning and may be even help draw a happier version of their dream. 

Parents need to understand that children just want to share their nightly experience with you and in doing so also tell you about their thoughts, feelings and activities during the day. Just listening to them will mean a lot to your child and strengthen your bond with them. At the same time, please do not put pressure on your children to share their dreams, if they do not remember, or do not want to. Being put under pressure will only lead to children making up stories.  A child’s recurring nightmares are the subconscious mind’s way of letting the dreamer know there is still unfinished business that needs to be addressed. I know by now parents are thinking, ‘Is there anything parents can do to help?’ 

You can help interpret your child’s dreams and guide them to a sense of peace and security. Interpreting dreams is much easier if the TTAQ (title, theme, affect and question) method is used. Play a little game of reconstructing the dream with your child. First, ask your child to give a title to their dream (Title) then to describe the topic of their dream in a short phrase (Theme). Follow that by asking your child the emotional tone or impact of the dream on them (Affect). Finally ask the child to formulate a question regarding their dream (Question). Scientists believe that every dream asks the dreamer a question. The very action of formulating that question will help the child interpret their dreams.  

Once children realize dreams and nightmares are messages from their mind to help them figure out solutions to their problems it will take the mystery out of something they feel unable to control. Then it isn’t so scary for them to go back to sleep again. I know you are curious to know, ‘Is there anything more you can do to help children sleep through the night, without nightmares?’

Yes, parents can do a few things to help their children sleep peacefully.  If children like to watch TV, try to watch pleasant shows with them before bedtime. Frightening TV programs usually cause terrible nightmares. If your children like to read books before bed, advise them to read motivational or empowering or pleasant storybooks. Sometimes having a favorite toy in bed with them or even placing something under their pillow that they believe will protect them during the night helps. I have known people who keep hanuman chalisa under their pillow for a long time to protect them from nightmares. 

Parents also need to be careful regarding the kind of language they use with and around young children, because children have the tendency to take the comments more literally than adults do, thus creating confusing visuals in their subconscious that turn into terrible nightmares. Also avoiding caffeine before bedtime goes a long way to make sure children sleep undisturbed through the night.

I do understand a parent’s dilemma. Their busy schedule results in missing their child’s attempt to draw attention to their dream. When parents ignore their child’s dream as figment of imagination, they lose an opportunity to explore their child’s dreams with them, and the privilege to enter an important and often unseen part of their child’s life. 

Finally, I understand parents don’t usually know what their children’s dreams mean, but the least they can provide their children is an opportunity to talk about it.  The process will also create confidence in their children to come talk to their parents if need be. The channel of communication thus opened will eventually help parents to help their children to solve problems too. Now this is not something parents cannot handle. Or is it?

The author is an educationist and author of several children’s books

usha@pokharel.net

 
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