There is so much to being a new parent than meets the eye. Anticipating it is one thing, being one entirely different. That's because one is hypothetical and the other is practical, instant decision-making, presence of mind and impromptu action. As a new parent you will find that there is no dearth of people giving you advice, as to how to take care of your child. I know you have gone through books, internet and other available resources to prepare yourself for parenthood.I am also sure that in your quest for information, you stumbled on the definition of parenting 'as the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, financial, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to becoming an adult'. In other words, parenting refers to the aspects of raising a child apart from the biological relationship. I know I am starting to sound like a book, but all these advices will be helpful to you in your journey of parenting,
You will also notice that often people will share what they thought was the most difficult part of parenting and this for sure is different for different people. I know these advising sessions start with people visiting you in the hospital. Yes, as early as that and you are in no mood to listen to those advices because you have your own fair share of uncomfortable feelings, both psychological and physical, to get over.
The trick here is to just listen to people offering you help in forthcoming days of your parenthood. There is nothing wrong in accepting help. You are going to need every bit of it. This is not the time to show your bravado. So the wise thing to do is to accept all the help that comes your way. I think God has trusted the most inexperienced the responsibility of recreation; always considering the fact that there will be more experienced ones to help raise the child. Parenting to a large extent also depends on your supporting family along with the opportunities and resources that you make available to your child.
Parenthood is the hardest job you will ever do in your life but also something you will eventually come to love. You will also love your child more than you ever thought possible. Having said so, parenting is not a walk in the park. In reality, parenting is tough especially if you are young and on your own. I constantly tell new parents that parenting is like growing up with your children all over again. Identifying with them and making life easier for them and for you as well.
Parenting is not something you plan because you cannot see the bigger picture of parenting when you are not a parent. You will, of course, have some hypothetical knowledge but I am not sure if you can fathom the consequences of being a parent ahead of time. The reason I say this is because no one can exactly describe to you what it is like being a parent because everyone's experience is different.
Parenting is not just hugs, kisses, laughter and bright baby smiles. It is also waking up at night to feed the baby, changing diapers and losing sleep over crying and unhappy baby. Some will tell you, it is all about tiny feet, little shoes and dresses and sticky hands, dirty fingerprints on the wall. As your child grows, you will realize it is also all about learning to crawl, talking, asking funny questions, tousled hair and loveliness of sleeping toddler. It is also the beauty and wonder of your child's fascination for nature and all living creature. Something you had completely forgotten about as you grew.
Along with this come the tantrums, the dissatisfactions and hurt feelings of your child. So what comes next for you is to better understand your child. Patience is the name of the game. It's natural to feel frustration, anxiety, even anger when your baby throws a tantrum and won't calm down. During such trying times don't think that your child has come to the world with the one objective of troubling you. Rather under such conditions, find ways to calm yourself first, then, figure out what's going on with your child and soothe him/her. It is possible they want your attention.
Spending more time with your child in the beginning will save you a lot of time in the future. So it is always a wise decision to spend those extra moments with your child despite your busy schedule. Just keep in mind that they will spend majority of their life with you and not with the caretaker or nanny that you hire. Children will ultimately demand your attention in various ways. Ranging from giving them attention or reading the same story umpteen times or answering the same question again and again and again. This is a bonding process and the more they bond with you, the easier your life becomes.
Just remember, you exert enormous influence over your children's development. You are their role model and if you are not there, they will look to others. As they grow more actors will influence them, especially after they enter school. It's important as parents to give them a good start. At the same time also recognize that children come into the world with their own temperament, and it is up to parents to understand them and prepare them to face the world. In this rapidly changing world, parenting seems subject to fads and changing styles, but the needs of child development as delineated by science remain relatively stable.
Finally, it is worth remembering that parenting is the ultimate long-term commitment and investment. Ready yourself to put more into raising your child than you get out of it, at least for some time. Given the stresses of the modernizing society, the happiness of couples goes up the minute they become parents and gradually decreases as the child grows. Be prepared to face the worse before it gets better. Then again in the long run it is the most rewarding job of your life. I am sure those who have passed these phases will agree with me.
The author is an educationist and author of several children's books
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