“It may sound like a morally wrong thing to say but I was so worried about bringing up the child that it wasn’t a happy pregnancy for me,” says Aradhana. Since she didn’t have a job and her husband’s garment business was still in its initial phase, she felt that a baby would just mean an added financial burden.[break]
“We didn’t have a stable income. We were managing fine as a couple. But when I got pregnant, it brought so much financial stress,” says Aradhana, adding that there was immense pressure from both her and her husband’s parents to have a child.
It’s an unfortunate fact that all too often even the strongest of individuals are influenced by consensus rather than by what is right and find it hard to dismiss the contradictory opinions aired by others.
“My mother and mother-in-law kept insisting that we have a baby right away which is why we didn’t adopt any family planning measures,” she says, adding that in our culture it doesn’t seem wrong for the family to be interested and hence forceful in trying to get couples to conceive earlier than they want.
The underlying assumption that married couples need a child to gel their bond is deeply rooted in many families and hence newlyweds are coerced into having babies. Ironically, the pressure masquerades under the guise of benevolence, proclaiming concern for the wellbeing of a married couple.
But it’s up to the couples to understand that there’s no minimalist approach when it comes to babies. Besides love and food, they’ll need way too much care, gazillions worth of diapers, toys to keep them distracted and hence happy and noiseless so that the parents can catch a wink in between all the feeding, coddling and looking after. No amount of preparation can ever ready couples to become parents. But some advance planning will, however, definitely help ease the transition into parenthood.
If you’re thinking about having a baby, you’re probably thinking of the joy of holding your newborn in your arms, not the financial costs. But sooner or later, you run into expenses involved with pregnancy. And although the experience of becoming a parent is priceless, from the price of diapers to healthcare for the mother and baby, pregnancy can be quite expensive.
From early and continuous prenatal care to help ensure a healthy delivery to regular diagnostic tests, pregnancy can be backbreaking, especially to couples who aren’t financially secure. Even the average charge of an uncomplicated cesarean section or the cost of an uncomplicated vaginal delivery is tens of thousands of Rupees. So couples need to make sure they are well prepared financially for this part of pregnancy.
And the process doesn’t end there. Maternity and baby clothes, diapers, toys, vaccines add to the expenditure. Since babies outgrow their outfits so fast, even the cost of something as basic as clothes can amount to thousands. And then there’s the eventual schooling.
Family planning is necessary so that couples have a better understanding of themselves and their capabilities to start a family and are well equipped to raise a child when they eventually decide to have one.
Family planning is essential not only to bring up the children in the best possible way in terms of providing them with a secure childhood but also for birth spacing which is of paramount importance for the mother’s health in case of multiple pregnancies.
Pratigya Adhikari, 32, got pregnant for the third time within six years. She’d had a few health scares during her last pregnancy, so she was skeptical if she could carry the baby full term. “Once again, I had bad bouts of morning sickness and my blood pressure soared. I needed too much attention and care. I eventually went on to deliver an underweight child,” she says.
For Aradhana, being pregnant at 28 meant she didn’t have the time anymore to map out her life as she had planned it. She didn’t even have time to enjoy her marriage and secure her family’s future. She had to stop her job hunt process and focus all her energies into taking care of herself while pregnant, and the baby after the delivery.
“Since it was an arranged marriage, we were still getting to know each other,” she says, adding that having a baby has made them behave like they’ve been married for years and all their attention is centered on their baby girl.
For Pratigya, lack of family planning meant she had to face multiple health scares and pregnancy became a battle rather than a joyous moment which is what it’s inherently supposed to be.
“I just let life take its own course and didn’t adopt family planning measures. Our families wouldn’t let us,” says Pratigya, adding that the one time they thought about using contraceptives was after their firstborn was one year old. But they were severely reprimanded by their parents who were adamant that they have another child.
The expenses of raising kids has taken a toll on Pratigya and her husband who feel that had they planned the pregnancies they would’ve been better able to deal with the pressures that have befallen them.
It seems to be the society’s attitude towards family planning coupled with the social obligation to have a child to fulfill your family’s wishes that’s resulting in many unplanned pregnancies. People shouldn’t be faulted for wishing to space their children or for delaying their first child until they feel emotionally and financially capable to bring one into the world.
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