I’ve been through 13 longest and loneliest days of my life, but when it all began I could have never thought that in eight years someone could teach me the beauty in love, the hardships of loss, and the purpose of life.
Maybe it was the way you used to look with the side of your eyes, or maybe it was the way you used to hop up and down the stairs, maybe it wasn’t what you did at all but the reasons you did what you did. Jojo, you had a heart and a soul most people can only dream of having, and I was the luckiest person in the world to have had you in my life for almost eight years.
I guess my first lesson of ‘Love’ started on the day you arrived, my ninth birthday. I came running down the stairs because I heard there was a baby eagle under my Mom’s legs. As I ran down I saw an English bulldog puppy hiding from the world, as well as inquisitively trying to figure out what the green grass beneath his paws was. But then he got very sick, I tried to nurse him for the first few weeks, but I was incapable of helping my sick puppy the way my Mom could. I guess I owe it to her for helping my puppy survive. When he finally got well, it was certain that his name was going to be Jojo, and even more certain to my sadness that the puppy was mine by name but my Moms’ in every other way.
Jojo would always be with me wherever I went, he would try to jump into the car just to be with me and suddenly, I the only child, wasn’t so alone anymore. Many would say that he was like my little brother. But I can’t help but disagree. Jojo was not like my brother, he wasn’t human, he was so much more; for he had patience that even my own family would lose sometimes, he had diligence and persistence that I have never seen in anyone, and he had more love inside his tiny heart, than most humans have in their big hearts.
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Jojo was my best friend, and I could not have asked for better. He saw no wrong in me, he forgave my sometimes selfish human ways and he loved with all his might. Years went by and I couldn’t have been happier with him in my life.
Then one day Jojo became ill, and from doctor to doctor, each one gave me hope and then took it away. Finally one doctor said the words that shattered my heart, ‘Cancer’. I guess from that stage everything slipped by faster than it should have. This is when I received the last lesson he ever taught me, ‘Loss’.
I was already sensing that he wasn’t the same, he seemed tired, and though he tried to be himself it wasn’t there anymore, and I guess that’s when my heart started to tear. I would be lying if I said that he stayed his happy self the whole time, because that only happens in the movies and sadly this wasn’t one. Almost a fortnight back I was pulled out of class and told my Dad had come to pick me up in the middle of the day, I came rushing home from school and there he lay looking peaceful under the big statue of Ganeshji in my house, almost like he was sleeping, and that’s when my heart really broke.
Only then did my fantasy of having him with me forever disappear into darkness. Suddenly the world became infinitely sadder, and lonelier. That’s when I truly understood the quote, “There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire, and the other is to gain it” by George Bernard Shaw.
But there was more to loss that I learned as the days went by; just because he was not here with me physically didn’t mean he was any further away from my heart. I realized the true tragedy is to have your heart still desire, and not have the one you desire with you anymore.
Today was the 13th day of Jojo’s passing and my family and I went to the Kathmandu Animal Treatment (KAT) Center where I’ve worked as a volunteer for a few years, with blankets, leashes, puppy food, biscuits and all the unused veterinary medicines. I wanted his memory to bring happiness to all the dogs being looked after in the Center. And I know Jojo was there too with us, listening to all the happy barks and joyful jumping of the dogs at the Center.
My father says there are three times someone dies, the first is when our soul leaves our body, the second when no one says your name anymore, and the third when you are no longer in anyone’s thoughts. While your soul may have left to be by the side of God, I promise you Jojo as long as I walk this earth your name will always be on my lips and your memories in my thoughts.
