What's up with online dating?

KATHMANDU, Jan 9: The urban youth today having grown up in an increasingly digital world often seek refuge in the Internet on many occasions. Moreover, with easy access to so many social networking sites, it has become a convenient place for young people to find new friends or even a potential partner. This trend, it seems, is picking up steam in the capital as well. Thus, it comes as no surprise to learn that youth today are increasingly admitting and boasting about having more virtual friends than real ones.[break]

 

The sheer convenience of being able to search through different profiles and make friends without having to leave the comfort of home is the reason behind the social networking sites gaining huge popularity. This is what Shrijana Rai, 25, who works at a commercial bank, contends.



"Being an introvert, I really feel comfortable to talk to someone through the Internet first rather than directly meeting in person," she shares. "If it wasn´t for Facebook, I wouldn´t have been able to make so many friends nor met the person I am dating currently."



Like Shrijana, Samir Pandey, 22, a student, shares the view that he feels confident to date online as it frees him from inhibitions. "Dating online is a last resort for the introverts and also for those who can´t find a date in real life," he says, adding, "But it is yet to be accepted as a platform by older generation."



He further pointed out that other stigma attached to dating online is that young people like him are not confident enough to tell others openly that they met their partners online. However, he was quick to add that with the passage of time, the emerging social networking sites have been gradually helping to shed such stigmas.







The social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter have already started to make powerful impact on the way people make friends, interact and maintain their relationships.



Says Robin Shrestha, 21, a student, "I had only a few friends in college who always used to bug me because I never really got to interact properly with them." He continues, "But after turning to social networking sites, I have found many friends of similar interests. I am even looking forward to finding someone I can date too."



For an introvert like Shrestha, a reserved man who spoke too little, the social networking sites have made him a lively and confident person who enjoys being with other people.

"For someone like me who is painfully shy and have limited friends in college, where should I look for companionship other than the social sites?" he asks.



Not long ago, dating was a thing of the past. Krishna Subedi, 56, recalls, talking about how dating was different in the past, "Marriages were always arranged by relatives and family in our time and people hardly used to date," adding, "There was no Internet in those days and even if someone liked to date a person of his or choice, the society hardly accepted such things."



"In a country like ours, where some people still find it unconventional to fall in love before marriage, dating is still sounds far-fetched," says Subedi, adding, "Our closed culture makes it impossible for many to be expressive in person."



But the urban youth today is an exception to this societal taboos which find dating offensive. Youth today are more expressive than they were and meet and find friends online. Argues Subedi, "Families have become more nuclear; youngsters are becoming busier and have less time for their family and friends. This is why they are encouraged to seek entertainment and friendship online."



Though many youth look forward to online dating with renewed optimism, there are also those youth who share a mood of cautious optimism to online dating. Quite a few contacted by this scribe are even scared of falling in love and dating through social networking sites.



Sapana Joshi, 21, a student, says, "I´d never feel safe to date someone I find on the Internet." "I´ll never be sure that the stranger that I will be talking to online will have the same personality in real life too. Who knows they might be faking an image."



Echoing the opinion of Joshi is Saloni Thapa, 25, a student, who argues, "I feel it´s unsafe and unreliable to date someone online and the idea of talking to a complete stranger is really very daunting. I would rather meet someone in person through a friend or a relative."



While online dating can be intriguing, it is also very important to be cautiously optimistic about it. Keep in mind the following tips:

• Whether you meet someone in a chat room or through an online dating service, the first rule of online dating is to take it slow. You might think that you know the person because it might have been sometime since you have been meeting the person in the chat room but remember to use your sense and never jump to the conclusions too soon.


• Many people who visit the websites to date are not completely honest. They might be exaggerating or even faking an identity and so, you should be more cautious.


• If you are visiting an online dating website, other than social networking sites, then make sure you read the privacy policy of that site.


• Always guard your anonymity. Be sure not to include your last name, address, workplace, phone number, or any other identifying information when corresponding online. Protect your identity. It would be better to first create a nickname to use just for online dating sites. It is never a good idea to use your real name.


• Appearance can help you determine whether the person is someone with whom you want to correspond. Most social networking or dating sites enable you to post a picture if you like. If the person doesn´t send a photo and makes excuses, stop corresponding with him/her because the person might be faking an identity.


• Don´t assume that the person who chats to you will be the same person in real life. Also be cautious of unscrupulous online dating site operators as they may sometimes have fake profiles.


• If you spot any suspicious behavior or face harassment, close the chat.

VOXPOP



Have you dated online? Any other option?



Frankly speaking, I never opted for “dating” online but I have had friends who dated online. Also, I used to spend a lot of time chatting on the Internet once upon a time and I did make some very good friends and we still chat and meet sometimes. It felt good to have friends at that time but I never thought of dating someone. And even if given a choice, I would not opt for dating online.






No, I have not dated online till date and I think I won’t be dating online with a stranger. I’m not comfortable with the idea of chatting with a total stranger, let alone dating them. But If I come in contact with a friend of a friend and if she is available and compatible, then perhaps I would date her.






I haven’t dated online yet and I don’t see it as an option when it comes to dating online. I think it’s a waste of time. I think it’s useless looking for someone on the Internet while you can meet people outside and interact. I would definitely go out and look for friends than hook online!






I have dated online. I sent a friendly request to a girl after I saw her profile on Facebook. I also sent a message requesting her to accept my request. She accepted and we started chatting frequently. After several months of chatting with her, I invited her for a movie. We met and now I’m in a relationship with her. Online dating is a good way to find a prospective partner, I think.

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