Life is about experiencing, not drawing conclusions. As the old saying goes, “The more you draw conclusions, the less you experience life.”

After experiencing almost four decades of my life, I have learned that if your mind is already filled with preconceived conclusions and values, you become judgmental, and thus, unable to truly experience life. Life is about experiencing, not drawing conclusions. As the old saying goes, “The more you draw conclusions, the less you experience life.” I consider myself fortunate to be naturally liberal, allowing me to experience many things in my life, including my relationship with God as well.

Raised in an educated, disciplined, and culturally rich Brahmin family, with a teacher for a mother and a banker for a father, I was introduced to Hinduism early on. My understanding of God was shaped by my upbringing—I believed in the omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient deity in the forms of Brahma, Vishnu, and Mahesh.I was made quite clear about my perception towards god or it can be said that my cup was already filled. As a child in the 5th or 6th grade, my prayers were sincere and devout, influenced by the dramatic depictions of God in Hindi serials;  A god who could instantly turn big 'Raakshasas’ (demons) into ashes just by showing his palm, from which fire emanated, as depicted in Hindi serials of that time. I was quite a theist I must say.

However, in the 6th grade, my perspective began to shift after reading a book called "BicharBigyan" by Khaptad Swami, a mystic and yogi who lived in the mountains of the far western region of Nepal. The book delved into the science of thoughts and how they shape our lives. Although I was too young to fully grasp its depth, it left a significant impression on me. I began to doubt the existence of a God who could create and destroy life in an instant as depicted in those TV shows. At that particular stage of my life, I didn’t turn into an atheist, but I was no longer a firm theist either.

During my intermediate science years, my reading choices shifted to authors like Shiva Khera, Deepak Chopra, Dale Carnegie etc. These motivational, progressive and practical writers influenced me to see God in a different light. I started to believe that there is no point in thinking about a creator. Nature does everything on its own, and all you need to do is develop a positive attitude and mindset to succeed in life and studies. I came to believe that God exists as nature itself—the creator and the destroyer.

By the time I was pursuing my bachelor’s degree, my rebellious nature and interest in revolutionary literature, particularly the works of Che Guevara, led me to another transformation. Comrade Ernesto Che Guevara, hero of world revolution became my hero and I started reading his books. I read The Motorcycle diaries, The Bolivian diaries and Reminiscences of the Cuban Revolutionary War in no time. I even had my beard like him. I adopted a more atheistic view, believing that everything happens without any divine intervention, we are the one who has to make it happen. I felt that everyone should strive for a good life through revolution, protest, and fighting for rights. I became an atheist, I must say.

Towards the end of my bachelor's degree, my passion for literature drew me to the works of Osho, Jiddu Krishnamurti, and  Shri Aurobindo, along with sacred texts like the Hindu scriptures, the Bible, and the Quran. Most of these readings brought me to the realization that clinging to any belief or philosophy is futile. Both theism and atheism, I concluded, are beliefs in the unknown. I came to realize that being a “theist” and being an “atheist” means the same thing because both of them believe in something they do not know. So there’s no point in believing in anything. Therefore, it’s best to go with the flow of life, embracing experiences with an open mind and heart, ready to adapt as needed.

Later on, my subsequent experiences through meditation and simple yogic practices had a profound and indescribable impact on my life. Those experiences, those connections with the universe I felt time and again are beyond words, because words can only compare with the glory that we see here, on this planet and those experiences were simply beyond words. It happened because I remained open to the possibilities that life presented to me. If I had clung to rigid beliefs, I wouldn’t have the rich perspective and experience I have today. I would have never realized that journey is what gives us happiness not the destination.

Initially, I was a complete theist, later I became an unreal theist, then I believed that nature was God, and eventually, I transformed into a diehard atheist. Finally, I came to realize that being a theist and being an atheist means the same thing because both of them believe in something they do not know. So, there’s no point in believing in anything. I changed with time, and my belief about God changed with time as well. My perception towards god might change again in future and I am ready for it.

So, I have embraced a more open and accepting approach to life, allowing myself to experience the world without the constraints of rigid beliefs, always ready to evolve and adapt to new insights and understandings. This mindset has made my life easier and richer with experiences. By letting go of fixed conclusions, I have been able to fully engage with life's opportunities, challenges, and wonders, making my journey more fulfilling and meaningful. Embracing this openness has taught me the true essence of living: to be present, to learn, and to grow continuously.Moreover, I feel a profound connection to the divine and all of creation. Likewise, I feel gratified and happy for no reason.

 
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