Heart to Heart with Malvika

Dear Malvika,

I am a 23-year-old girl and I recently graduated from one of the universities in India. I came to India five years ago and here I fell in love with an Indian guy. But now that I have completed my studies, my parents have been expecting me to come home and start working in Nepal. I can’t even tell my parents about my boyfriend because I really don’t think they would be happy as I am not independent as I have yet to achieve many things in my career. I can’t even think of staying in a long distance relationship but my boyfriend says I should first be independent and later convince our families to get married. My parents are eagerly waiting for my return but I am not prepared to go back. Please help me with your suggestions.

I think that you need to start working first and be financially independent. Marriage can wait for sometime. For the same you can also apply for jobs in India. If you get the job there then you have the excuse of staying back and working. At the same time you will also get time to spend with him. You can always come back for a week or two and tell your parents that you have found a good job and you want to experience working in India. This will give you some time to be sure about what you want in life and with the relationship and then after a while you can always tell them that this is the person you want to spend the rest of you life with. You never know if they might take it positively. And if that doesn’t work both of you should be able to convince them.

Dear Malvika,

I am a 30-year-old man currently working in a finance company. My family has been trying their best to find me a girl and get me married. I feel I am not prepared to get married. I enjoy my independent life and my personal space therefore I don’t feel like getting married, at least for now. I’ve had many relationships in the past and I have not thought of spending my entire life with anyone. I really don’t think I can be loyal to just a single person for my whole life but my parents wouldn’t understand. What do you think I should do?

I do not believe with the concept that people should settle down just because they have to. It has to come from within. You seem like someone who wants to make that decision on his own and you should. It takes two to form a partnership and if you are not ready then you should wait for some time. Take your time and get to know people better before you decide on anything. If you are forced or cajoled into marriage now, you might not be comfortable later when you have to spend every day together. This is a life-long commitment that we are talking about and should be taken seriously. And reading your characteristics, I think you should be with someone who gives you space and needs space too.

Dear Malvika

I am a 20-year-old girl currently residing in the UK for a year now. I came here to continue my further studies, but it is getting tough to earn money for my college fees due to the limited work permit here. I am on the second year of my university degree and its getting hard for me to continue my classes due to expensive tuition fees. I have also asked financial help from my friends and family and they have helped me with whatever they could. Now I find myself in the middle of the way where I can’t see the path to get through the problem. Please give me your suggestion.

If you cannot fund your college fees, neither can you take loan, or apply for scholarship, then that means its time to take a break for some time. Most people take breaks when they can’t afford the year or semester. They work till that time period so that they can fund their college life. On the other hand you can also look at options where you can think of transferring to another affordable college or even country. Have you looked into student loans or options? There are many who go through the same thing and you should ask around and take all the help that you can.

Dear Malvika,

I am a 21-year-old guy currently in a relationship with a girl for three years now. Since the last two months, I’ve been feeling like she is growing distant from me as I cannot give her enough time due to my study and assignments. We rarely meet and more often text to communicate with each other. We used to text daily but now she seems very busy and occupied. I don’t want to lose her and I have also let her know about this fear of mine, but she no longer seems interested in my words. Please give me some suggestions.

At first you could not give her enough time so she seems to have been left out. When you realized that she seemed distant now she does not have the time for you. This is a classic case for most couples and you are not the first one. You should meet her face to face and talk about this relationship. If you want to be with her, you need to communicate more often or if you cannot meet regularly, then at least text or talk on the phone once a day. You also need to learn how to maintain a balance between your personal and professional life and between work and study, as when you start working you will be more occupied. Just a 5-minute call a day can work wonders for the relationship. You can send her love messages when you are free for a minute. Once you learn how to balance all this you will have a fulfilled life and relationship and work at the same time. There is nothing much to think about here. It’s just small efforts and gestures that go a long way.

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