Heart to heart with Malvika

Dear Malvika,

I am a 26-year-old married girl. I was diagnosed with psychological problems seven years ago. I have been through hardships in my life due to these problems yet many people don’t understand what it is like to be a mental patient until they go through it. I cannot sleep at night without medicine. I have not recovered yet and at times suffer sleepless nights so given my condition, I never want to have baby in my whole life as it does not excite me and I take it as burden and feel that it will make me more depressed due to the responsibilities associated with it. But I feel my in-laws and people around me will compel me to have a baby. And I often plan to go abroad to escape this stress to have a baby yet the fear of getting more depressed in foreign land scares me. I don’t feel good anywhere that I go. I am preparing for Lok Sewa examination but not being able to focus on studies due to this anxiety. I am eagerly looking forward to your suggestions.

I believe that you should not stress yourself out at this moment about having a child. You still have some years left before you decide on it. Have you ever reached out to people who have the same situation? If not I would suggest you do. Once you start sharing each other’s stories that would give you some relief. Also please do look into the blogs about people who go through the same things that you do. That would also help you get through situations. Have you also tried stress therapy, like meditation and exercises that would distress you? Each day set aside a time for yourself where you spend some time distressing yourself. Yoga helped me get through certain anxiety phase and it might work for you too.

Dear Malvika,

I am in love with a guy who is already in a relationship and we are both living abroad. He was the one to start conversation at the first with me even he was in a relationship. We still talk in daily basis. The boy has a long distance relationship. After our beak up we met after some months and he kissed me at the very first day. I was totally shocked; I thought he was just flirting with me. When I ask him why is he seeing two girls at a time, he said he can’t let go of both the girls. Days and months passed we still meet and nobody knows about our relationship. And I usually keep him saying that I do not want be an option and replies ‘neither I want you to be an option’. I am really confused; I cannot even share to anyone. Last time when I met him, I asked him to leave his girlfriend and be with me. He agreed but he asked me for something else. He said he broke up with his girlfriend but I really do not know if he is lying to me about it. And even if he has broken up with his girlfriend he says we won’t be making our relation official. What should I do in this situation?

There are just two things that you can do. One is just enjoy the time that you two have together and not be bothered by being official at all. The other is break up with him and just move on. The choice is yours actually. You need to ask yourself deep down what it is that you want out of this. If the situation is complicated then don’t take it seriously. Sometimes it’s good to take time off from stressing out on such things which does not have instant solutions. Time will only reveal the exact answer.

Dear Malvika,

I am in a relationship with a guy for four months now. The strange thing is we haven’t met each other till now. I knew him through social media. He lives in abroad now but we knew each other when he was in Nepal. He told me that he liked me from the beginning but never told me at that time. When he went to abroad and after some months he proposed me. To be in contact we used to do video calls. I love him very much and I feel bad when he doesn’t talk to me. He is a short-tempered person. If his mood is off or angry with someone then he doesn’t talk to me properly. I have told him to change this habit of his and he was slowly changing it. From last week he is having problem with his family and he is ignoring me again. He doesn’t receive my calls and says that he loves me and he needs some time. It has been already more than two weeks since I have given him time but he is still behaving the same. I have asked him what the problem is but he doesn’t seem to be sharing anything. I am confused on what I should do, please help me.

You are in one awkward complicated relationship. It’s a personal choice but I will tell you that, if you are thinking of spending your life with this person then I would request you to take your time and not jump into it. If he is acting weird with you from now on then it’s going to get worse in the future. In this day and age, one should know the person better and then decide onto future things. You have to be partners in everything that you do that would make it a substantial relationship. And generally people seek out their partners when they are down and would want to talk about it. So the end of this advice is take enough time and don’t rush into things.

Dear Malvika,

I am a 20-year-old girl currently working in an NGO. I have taken gap from after my high school graduation to apply abroad for my photography course. My parents don’t seem to support me for the career plans that I have therefore I have started working and earn on my own to support my education and photography course. It has been long and now I am loosing hope because my university fee is quite expensive and it feels like I can’t do it without the help of my parents. I find myself in a real dilemma. Please give me your suggestion.

Take a deep breath and tell yourself everything will be fine. There are many students like you abroad who are supporting themselves financially. So you are not alone. Yes until it happens it will feel like you are climbing Mount Everest but when you reach the top that is when you feel a sense of satisfaction and relief. The journey is going to very difficult but if you do believe in yourself and your passion so, I would suggest you to go for it and not give up right now. With time and the efforts you have shown, your parents and family will eventually support you.

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