Heart to Heart with Malvika

We all need constant motivation in life

Dear Malvika,

I am a 21-year-old woman and I recently finished my college but I still feel haven’t found anything that will make me want to pursue it with passion. I have tried doing many things (sports, new subjects, job in different sectors) but none of them got me excited enough to say, ‘that’s what I want!’. I don’t have a future goal, a goal to achieve. I am confused and lost so I seek answers from others but none of them satisfy me. It makes me frustrated that I am wasting my time being worthless. I was recently going through Miss Nepal’s website and was looking through previous year’s photos, and then I came across yours. I saw your profile where it said, “Her ambition is to be a famous media personality”. I thought to myself “she knew what she wanted to be in the future from the very beginning, she worked hard for it and she achieved too”. I really envied that and wished that I knew what I wanted to be. I wanted to ask you how did you realized your dream at such a young age. Did something trigger in you like, “yes, that’s it! That’s what I want to be” or was it something you had to build inside? How can I realize my future goal?

It happens. Nothing to worry about it. Sometimes people discover their passion at a very late age, I am not trying to scare you though. You have to look back at your life and think what you are good at which you can then hone up and make better. There is always something in all of us. We just need to know what it is. Maybe someone mentioned you are good at certain things. Now this might not be specific but it can be general too. Growing up, I was very good at extracurricular activities. I used to take part in dancing and speaking competitions. My school teacher suggested me to go to Miss Nepal when I was in class 10, and I thought I will when I graduate. During that time MTV was the biggest thing and I grew up admiring all the VJs and I thought I want to do television someday. Now, do note that I was an ugly duckling in school, and even though I was active I wasn’t the best speaker.

I practiced and made myself better with time. I have a love-hate relationship with the television, sometimes I want to do it and sometimes I don’t. Over the years, I tried my hands in various things and my interest in them varied with time. So you are not the only one who is going through confusion.

We all do. I would suggest you to keep doing what you are doing and you never know what might trigger that interest. Just do not give up.

Dear Malvika,

I am a 26-year-old woman working as a nurse in Melbourne, Australia. Life is busy here and most of the time I find myself lonely. I met a guy at work, he used to do evening shifts and I got close to him . I started liking him after 2 years, earlier I was told by my friends that he was gay so I didn’t pay much attention to him and he was from another country so I felt there won’t be anything common between us. But lately he is trying to get close to me, adding me on Facebook, giving hints and saying that his mom also wants him to get married. On the other, though my mother wanted me to date a guy from my hometown, things didn’t work out well due to time difference. So I was continuously attracted to my work mate and he also seemed to be interested in me. At first I thought he did it only as a friend as he was gay. But when I mentioned him about the guy I thought he was dating, he didn’t specifically say he was not attracted to men but said he wasn’t dating him. Could he be bisexual?

But when I told him that I will be getting married soon he got upset with me and brought that same guy (guy who I thought he was dating) to a get together and hasn’t tried to contact me. Is he mad at me for planning on getting arranged marriage? Is he bisexual? I am scared to ask him because I don’t want to ruin our friendship. If he is gay and I don’t want to look desperate either. But I can’t stop thinking about it. Please suggest me what I should do?

Oh wow! This is a very confusing situation. See honesty is the best way forward for any relationship. In friendship we respect people’s privacy and do not ask about many private things. However, since you have thought of marriage with this person and he has given you that hint too, he cannot leave you hanging like that. It’s very hard to say anything about his sexuality. But if he respects you enough, he should be honest about it. So ask to meet him once and confront him about the situation. Do explain why you said what you said. If he wants then communicate your exact feelings and get it out of the way. If he gives excuses to meet or doesn’t listen to you then let it be. It’s not worth banging your head over. I am sure you would understand if he was gay and just be friends with him. You have your life to think about and you cannot start a new relationship with lies.

Dear Malvika,

I am a 22-year-old man who is looking forward to entering the fashion industry. I am fond of dancing but my family is not happy about this fact that I want to pursue my career in that field. I feel they are right sometimes but I can’t let my passion for dancing die. I really wish at times if there were many exposures and platform for dancing so that I wouldn’t have to persuade them time and again and make frequent arguments. I ran away from my home three months ago to go to India in search of better and bigger opportunity and to be on my own. I know I can make a wonderful career if I get the opportunity. But the thing is that I am let down by my negative and insecure thoughts sometimes that make me question my interest for dancing. I am in a search for nice opportunities here. I want to get home but also I want to stay here in India to make my dreams come true. Should I go back or stay here until I get good opportunity?

Stay back and do not give up. You know what your passion is and I hope you are good at it. The initial phase of a career is never easy no matter what you do. Being away from home and all alone doesn’t make it easy either. Most successful people who have made it on their own will have similar stories to share. So read up about them, that will give you inspiration. Make connections, which is very important in a field like yours. Socialize with people and learn every day. Every time you get insecure or frustrated, hold yourself and remind why you are there and what you need to do. Keep yourself busy and imagine all the time about your future so that it keeps you going. See yourself on stage, on movies, dancing and pursuing your passion. We all need that constant motivation in life to keep on going. No one is confident all the time.

Dear Malvika,

I am a 25-year-old woman working in an NGO. I love my work and I am paid well. I hang out with my friends and siblings at times and do travel to places when I feel like traveling. Few years ago, I was diagnosed with mild anxiety and was on tablets. But now I am not on tablets anymore. Though I am not taking medicines, I don’t feel like the way I used to feel before being diagnosed with mild anxiety. I want to keep calm within me but I end up being rude and loud at times. I exercise and try to make things better. What do you think I should do further?

Try yoga. It helped me during my anxiety period in pregnancy. It calms you down. Also only be around positivity and read about positive things. That helps a lot. Give some me time to yourself too. Every time you feel like being rude, just think of good things. It’s up to us how we want to perceive things. In a glass with half amount of water, some see a half portion of water while some focus on the empty side of it. You also have to know that you are changing as an adult with your age. Late 20’s is a new discovery. You start becoming more forthright and opinionated. And that sometimes explains behavior changes. I would also suggest you to go to the gynecologist once. I used to suffer from mood swings and body weight issues. Apparently I was suffering from PCOS which is polycystic ovaries syndrome. Once I was diagnosed I changed my lifestyle and eating habits and it has curbed down a lot. So good luck with this and if further needed do write to me again.

Malvika Subba is a media personality, social activist and former Miss Nepal. She is also the CEO of Idea Studio Nepal.

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