The other day I was passing by Tudikhel: full of different colored tents sheltering people, who have either lost their homes or left their homes and come there for shelter, fearing the quakes and aftershocks that have become pretty regular these days. Quite a number of children were there with their parents. Though they were running around playing, I am pretty sure these children were also troubled just like their parents.Experiencing an earthquake is very frightening for everyone and more so for children. Especially the days, weeks, and months following the quakes are very stressful after being traumatized by the quake. Although children are resilient and will recover over time, with the support from family, relatives, friends, community, and relief organizations, their experience during and after the quake is bound to leave a mark that might be different for each child. I do not want to alarm parents, but it is a fact, and we need to be prepared for that. Now the next question from the parents will be, "How long will it take for the child to recover?"
Recovery depends on what happened to you and your family during and after the quake and the extent of damage and loss sustained. Some families will return to normal routines over time, while others may struggle with damage to their home, possessions, and increased financial strain. Children's reaction to earthquake and its aftermath depends on their age and their exposure to the impact of the quake. Parents need to expect children to respond in different ways and be supportive and understanding of their children's reactions.
I know this is better said than done because parents themselves are having their own reactions. But we, as parents, need to overcome our insecurities and fear, and understand our children's reactions to the earthquake and its aftermath, because their reactions are strongly influenced by our coping strategies. As usual children turn to adults for information, comfort, and help in times of crisis. It is natural for parents to be keen to know what to expect of children under such circumstances.
I am sure, majority of the parents have already noticed feelings of anxiety, fear, and worry about the safety of self and others in their child as a result of earthquake. Some may even have increased fears and worries about separation from family. As a result young children may cling to their parents, siblings, or teachers or anyone nearby for support and comfort. Just like adults, children also fear of another earthquake or aftershock. It is natural for them to feel anxiety regarding everything that concerns them. Now that the frequency of quakes has significantly diminished, you might find that your children have undergone some behavioral changes like increased activity level with a decrease in concentration and attention. At the same time they might be more irritable and exhibit some signs of withdrawal and emotional outbursts at times.
They might even complain about physical ailments like headaches, stomachaches, other aches and pains. With all these going on don't be alarmed if your children also show changes in school-related work habits and social behavior. They might repeatedly talk about the earthquake. Young children might even make a game out of the event. Children might have nightmares and strong reactions to reminders of the earthquake: destroyed buildings, debris, crack in walls, and of course news reports.
You will notice their increased sensitivity to sirens, loud noises, and things falling or crashing. Don't be annoyed if you notice a change in your child's eating, sleeping habits and loss of interest in usual activities, including how they spend time with friends. After all they have gone through a lot and may not understand most of the things happening around them. Parents at this point definitely want to know what they can do to help.
To start with, spend more time with your children and try to understand their feelings and accept that the quake has made a definite mark on everyone. Children, like elders, are scared and confused and it is up to the parents to assure their children and make it comfortable for them to ask questions and express their concerns. I know it's a lot to ask of a parent under the circumstances, but children's fears and concerns may need to be addressed more than once.
Their questions need to be answered briefly and as honestly as possible, providing helpful information. Talk about activities taking place within the family as well as in the community and also don't forget to ask them for their opinions and ideas. For younger children, parents have to make sure to follow conversations about the earthquake with their favorite story or activity to help them calm down. I know it is difficult but parents need to be a role model. The changes in living conditions can be extremely stressful for children and they will look up to their parents for clues to handle such situations. Maintaining calmness is very important for both parents and children.
So encourage your children to stay calm and feel secure. Encourage them to drink enough water, eat regularly, and get enough rest. Try and maintain as much of their routine as possible to give them a sense of security and safety. Media hype might impact your child's recovery process. Limit your children's access to too much news coverage. I know it is not possible, under the circumstances. So talk about the positive aspects of recovery, relief work and reconstruction instead: the part of putting things together and bringing in normalcy to life. Discuss the news or visuals and calm your children's anxiety. Sometimes talking about the matter is also a therapy just like getting up after a nasty fall and riding a bike again.
Monitoring adult conversations around children might be a good idea. Given their limited knowledge, children may misinterpret what they hear, and can be frightened unnecessarily about something they do not understand. Since earthquakes are unexpected and can be very destructive, being in one can be very terrifying. A positive and optimistic outlook helps children see the good things in the world around them. Keep things hopeful. Even in the most difficult situations, identify some positive aspects and try to stay hopeful for the future.
usha@pokharel.net
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