The Hindi movie ‘Baghban’ inspired me to write about senior citizens, who are abandoned by their children. The idea of the movie on abandoned seniors by their children came to director and producer B. R. Chopra in Copenhagen during a tour across Europe in the 1960s, when he stayed at a hotel next to a retirement home. From the hotel balcony, he saw elderly people sitting at the bungalows. After several days, he joined a couple there and struck up a conversation about their personal lives. The couple talked about feeling abandoned by their children and grandchildren, inspiring Chopra to make the film.
The main role of this movie is played by Amitabh Bacchan as father and Hema Malini as mother who have four sons. The father retires and cannot financially support himself and wants to live with their children, who are unwilling to accept their parents. The children decide to split their parents up; each lives with one of the boys for the next six months. They were treated badly by the sons and daughters-in-law during their stay with them. After it became impossible to live with them, the father and mother left the children's home and a friend sheltered them in his home. It inspires the father to write about how he fulfilled his children's dreams and was left with nothing after his retirement. The father’s writing eventually became a novel and published as ‘Baghban’, which became popular and the father earned a lot of money. Knowing that their parents started earning money from the book, the children requested to again live with their parents. However, the father rejected and disowned the children.
Such stories are common in many families in South Asian countries. By the way, I would like to portray, more or less, a similar picture of Nepalese society, one of the South Asian countries, where the elderly parents are going through a growing problem of abandonment by their children. Last decade, there was strong competition among the parents in Nepal to send their children to study abroad. They used to feel proud of spending all their savings in the wellbeing and education of their children and by selling the remaining property for higher education of their children abroad. By that time, the main subject matter used to be the education and earning of their children abroad. There was a feeling of competition among parents whose son was superior to others. However, now the situation is getting reversed. The proud moments of many parents have been changed into a sign of pain and grief and many of them are now openly blaming themselves for sending their children abroad for study. The reason behind this change is because many parents started to feel lonely without any caretaker and support during their illness. Nowadays, YouTube is also full of the miseries of such parents, who have been abandoned by their children.
Bullying happens, talk to your child about it!
Getting old is hard under such circumstances, and even harder if you’re alone or with weak social ties. Senior citizens in uncountable numbers have no immediate family members to provide assistance if needed. Many older adults cope with an array of health problems: kidney disease, asthma, heart disease requiring a pacemaker, arthritis that makes walking difficult even with a cane among others. However, the problem of abandonment of senior citizens is common both in advanced and developing societies. The problem is comparatively more serious in developing countries than in advanced countries. In advanced countries, the abandoned senior citizens with low income are supported by the state with free medicine, free food and somehow free residences. And if they become physically and mentally disabled, the state provides them free support with nurses. However in developing countries, such facilities and support from the state can not be imagined. Even if the parents have enough property or resources to survive, it seems to be very difficult for them to survive in the absence of their children as the structure of society and state roles are less accommodating for them. The only support for them for their last days has been an old age care home.
Loneliness is an important public health issue, predicting low quality of life among older adults. Loneliness in old age is a significant challenge for gerontological researchers and practitioners with the increasing life expectancy worldwide.
Getting older is inevitable. There is a popular word Tel Visa in Nepalese society, it means the children call their parents to take care of their grandchildren in foreign countries, where baby care is expensive and difficult. Unfortunately, some parents feel very disappointed during and after finishing the job of baby caring, when their children behave very differently with them.
In South Asian countries, there is a fashion among many children that after marriage and having a good job to yearn for living separately from their parents, citing the example of western society . However, if the sons do not have a good job even after marriage, it comes under the responsibility of parents to financially support them. That's why many parents have a feeling that daughters are more supportive, selfless and have a higher sense of attachment and love with her parents compared to sons.
The experience of loneliness impacts on individuals across the life spectrum and has physical, psychological and social repercussions. Loneliness lowers quality of life and is associated with poor medical outcomes in old age. There is also a strong relationship between depressive symptoms and loneliness. Intense loneliness may be manifested by diminished feelings of self-worth, a lack of confidence in interpersonal relationships, and disrupted decision-making abilities. In recognition of increasing worldwide concern, loneliness has recently been recognized as an important public health issue, predicting, among other things, low quality of life among older adults.
Based on some studies, the growing number of kinless seniors, who sometimes call themselves “elder orphans” or “solo agers,” faces numerous disadvantages. The middle-aged and older adults without partners or children had lower levels of self-reported mental and physical health and higher levels of loneliness. They were less likely to participate in activities like fitness, cultural or religious functions, or service clubs — a predictor of later cognitive impairment.
