Watching a loved one's mental state decline due to dementia can be heartbreaking
An article in the New York Times International Edition stirred a wave of memories from my own life. These were encounters that, at first, seemed odd and laced with a strange irony. Some even had a humorous tinge, yet all ultimately hinted at a troubling truth.
One such memory involved a beloved relative. While checking on their health, I learned they could no longer recognize themselves in the mirror. My cousin vividly recalled an incident where their father, upon seeing his reflection, simply said, "I know this person. He is my friend." At the time, I confess, the comment struck me as oddly funny. Luckily, I did not voice my reaction. Looking back, I understand how insensitive that might have been. I was young and simply unaware.
Limited Awareness
My understanding on the matter was limited to the concept of senility – the general decline in physical and mental health associated with growing older. This stemmed mainly from my father's frequent discussions on the topic. Little did I know about the vast spectrum of conditions people face in their later years, including dementia.
A Family's Journey
One day my cousin told me that her father had dementia. My concern deepened. I stayed in touch with the family, and one day, my cousin shared her father was now in Delhi under her eldest brother's full-time care. Sadly, the disease had progressed much and her father no longer recognized any family members, even his devoted son. He often spoke of him as a kind stranger caring for him. After a few years, I received news of his peaceful passing.
Tug of war between Denial and Acceptance
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Another memory resurfaces. Denial became a major obstacle in this case. Despite repeated suggestions, the family refused to acknowledge the possibility of dementia. Acceptance, unfortunately, hinged on a more serious incident.
The signs were undeniable: misplaced wallet, a lost holiday feast hidden for days, fruits and vegetables tucked away only to spoil unnoticed. The gradual progression of dementia was evident.
The turning point came when the patient got lost simply walking a short distance between houses. Thankfully, she was found safe by the end of the day. This incident finally prompted the family to seek medical help. Sadly, her condition had worsened rapidly, making home care difficult, necessitating admission to a care home.
Now, she resides there full-time, reliant on oxygen and tube feeding. Sadly, her ability to recognize loved ones or move independently is limited to eye and eyelid movements. However, a blink or a tear might suggest a flicker of recognition, a faint echo of the person we once knew.
Witnessing the Strength
These cases forced me to seek information and learn more about dementia. This knowledge and my awareness, combined with these experiences, opened my eyes to the immense strength required to cope with a loved one's declining mental state. I admire the concerned families’ strength in coping with the gradual decline of their loved one's cognitive and physical abilities. I now understand their agony at witnessing the gradual unraveling of their loved one’s mind.
Watching a loved one's mental state decline due to dementia can be heartbreaking. The person you know and love may seem to be slipping away, and daily tasks that were once simple can become overwhelming. Having witnessed quite a few people close to me succumb to dementia, I decided to find out more about the condition. In the process I found out, according to The National Health Service (NHS), UK, ‘there is currently no cure for dementia. In fact, because different diseases cause dementia, it is unlikely that there will be a single cure for dementia. Currently, finding cures for dementia-causing diseases such as Alzheimer's disease, frontotemporal dementia and dementia with Lewy bodies is the focus of research.’
My research in the area further helped me understand that although there is no cure available for dementia patients yet, there are ways to cope with these changes but one can manage and continue to provide love and support to your loved ones. It sure is a heartbreaking journey. Initially, denial is a common reaction. We cling to the belief that "this happens to other families, not ours." Often, those who raise concerns about the severity of cognitive decline can even be ostracized.
Finally, it is important to understand the journey of your loved ones. It’s important to realize that knowledge is power. The first step toward easing life for everyone around is to educate oneself about dementia, including the specific type affecting your loved one. This will help understand the progression of the disease and anticipate potential challenges. The first challenge that comes to mind is communication.
Proper communication becomes a key factor in understanding and caring for your loved ones. As the disease progresses, communication may become more difficult. So, here are some suggestions to make life easier for families caring for loved ones who are experiencing a gradual loss of memory.
- Speak simply and slowly. Use short sentences and avoid complex ideas.
- Focus on feelings. Validate their emotions and offer reassurance.
- Be patient. Give them time to process information and respond.
- Focus on non-verbal cues. Body language and facial expressions can be very telling.
The concerned family needs to understand that there isn’t a sure-shot formula for caring for their loved ones. That is because each patient is different. Some might forget having eaten and will frequently ask for food, while others will only want to walk all the time. In such a situation, it is important to keep their safety in mind. Here are some suggestions to take in to consideration while caring for a dementia patient.
Create a Safe and Supportive Environment: Maintain a routine. Familiar routines provide comfort and a sense of security.
Declutter and simplify: Minimize clutter to reduce confusion and create a safe space for wandering.
Engage the senses: Use familiar music, photos, and scents to evoke positive memories.
I am sure with these skills in place, life caring for loved ones with dementia will be much easier.
