The soil of this country is getting more and more fertile for raising crops made from dark deeds. The offices are full of these toxic flower beds, and corruption is in full bloom, like an extensive garden, all over the nation. Our hakim saaps, DGs, directors, secretaries, and ministers are there to water it. Of course, a Prime Minister is always present! We truly have the most responsible people in the most responsible places. Police chiefs, returnees from abroad, freedom fighters, those who have languished in jail, pro-democracy fighters, those who once proudly carried the ideology of the party, the brave people of the 1990 change (Janandolan I), the front-liners of the struggle for the republic (Janandolan II), and those claiming to be the disciples of BP Koirala, Pushpalal Shrestha, and Madan Bhandari, well, just look at how good they have become at bribery and collusion—it's performance art taken to the next level!

Even in the times of kings and Rana rulers, some would steal the people’s money. But they feared the gods even if they intimidated the people. But lately, especially since the abolition of the monarchy, they have been free to indulge without restraint. It seems like a final feast, a national event, running uninterrupted! There is unprecedented unity in gobbling up the people’s money and the state’s scarce resources. There are no party differences in this; there is camaraderie and friendliness. Who dares to stop it or hinder it?  

They are not just planting and growing corruption; they're making it flourish like an award-winning flower bed! Gone are the days of surreptitiously stealing from the people; now it's a full-blown banquet of plunder, with a celebratory feast running non-stop. Inhibitions have ceased to exist, no party or political dividing lines when robbing the nation dry—unity in consumption of the national bone marrow is the new anthem! And, indeed, a terrible fate awaits the individual who tries to ruin this splendid banquet of amorality; he will be roasted quicker than you can say “bribe.”

Corruption is now blanketing the length and breadth of the country like a well-tended and well-irrigated garden—from Mechi to Mahakali, from the ever-bustling capital to every province, every municipality, every village, and every ward. From accountants to etiquette officers, from clerks to record-keepers, the tree of black money has stretched its branches everywhere. Customs, VAT, income tax—every department has its own version of a cash cow. Money oozes from top to bottom, left to right. People are working for people, all the while devouring the nation's wealth!

What a regular carnival it is! Bottles pop, cashew nuts and prawn fries are ordered in heaps. Who says there’s no unity in this country? Sure, some showy disputes for the gallery cannot be avoided, but when it comes to gorging on state resources, everyone is in perfect sync. Streets are filled with revelers who relish the feast. With all the pomp of five-year plans, foreign loans and withering pipelines of projects they raise a toast with a bottle of single malt whisky! Here, almost all contractors, almost all engineers, and almost all secretaries share hearty laughs while experts scramble to prep menus for ministers’ lavish lunches, dinners, and breakfasts. By diverting budgets and playing political sleights-of-hand, they’ve managed to leave nothing but crumbs in the nation’s treasury!

Police officers are seen in droves at the weddings and functions of various ministers, while the bureaucrats are already playing the part of the perfect host. They’ve got their plots in new housing colonies secured, no money down, thanks to a little creative maneuvering. With the home minister as your ally, there’s no need for second thoughts. Peace in the country is maintained like a well-cooked meal, and it slumbers soundly. The ever-present protestors at Maitighar? Just the jobless foot-soldiers of discontent—hardly worth a mention!

This is progress in our country! Man has already made it to the moon. If you can’t manage a weekly visit to a five-star hotel, clearly the problem is with you! You might claim to be clean, but how can anything change if you’re not playing the game?

Where isn’t corruption in bloom? The lotus might be a mud-dweller, but corruption is a universal flower. When commissions drop, just shout “nationalism!” and build a palace for yourself! Wherever political parties and governments go, corruption inevitably tags along. How else could development possibly happen? Those who enter the muck get stuck, while the strong escape with full pockets. The weak, however, find themselves caught in the clutches of the CIAA!

Wherever the sun shines, the shadow of the corruption tree stretches its branches. Its sprawling geography, ancient history, and private gain calculus are all shared. New lines of corruption are running parallel to the lines of fortune in the hands of Nepali leaders, secretaries, and other officials. Today, even schoolchildren are calculating whether to become contractors, engineers, bureaucrats or MPs—or whether to head abroad—figuring out where the root of real money grows!

In the Cabinet, we have the last line of stalwart defenders, protectors of one and all, guardians of all, throwing invisible arms of affection around everyone’s heads. “Don’t worry, comrade, I’m on it.” “Jai Nepal, brother—just visit this bank or that industry and meet so-and-so. If not, call me, and I’ll sort it out.” “Hello, sir! Absolutely, sir! I’ll do just as you say, sir!”

This harmonious symphony echoes throughout the country. Wires connect from here to there. Mice dart from alleyway to alleyway, advancing steadily. The nation’s dreams have been shredded and scattered by these little rodents in the warehouses of ambition. Truths are packed away and preserved in committees, subcommittees, and commissions, while newspapers continue to report the dark deeds. Yet, in the realms of economics and political science, corruption’s poison has taken deep root.

Still ministers and prime ministers themselves issue clean bills of health. The same leaders, judges, journalists, and artists—performing as both the witch and the sorcerer. Even as the media exhausts its resources chronicling corruption, the country’s epic remains unwritten, a still-unfolding saga of our times.

It is Gai Jatra today - a festival known for its unique and vibrant processions which often hit hard at the anomalies in society, including bribery and corruption, through comedy and satire, poking fun at corrupt politicians and so-called public figures, besides praying for the departed souls. And so, tradition dictates that this day be dedicated to prayers, satire and the comical. But it’s not so comical anymore when the satirical has so much become the daily reality.

For what it’s worth, happy Gai Jatra everyone!

 
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• Corruption
 
• Nepal