If you are sexualizing me, you are the problem

Published On: October 21, 2020 06:26 AM NPT By: Anju Sapkota


Women are not here to meet and satisfy your personal and sexual wants. We are not here to be your sex apparatuses.


A man in the bus touched me on my buttock inappositely yet I stayed silent. My relative molested me, yet my mom stayed silent. My ex considered me as his property and never approached me for my consent. I stayed silent.

And because I was taciturn, a 12 years old girl was raped and murdered in Bajhang, a sibling raped her sister in Nawalparasi, a dad raped her daughter in Salyan. Inhumanity continues.

Welcome to the nation where our President is a lady and was quiet when 591 women were raped last year in the span of just three months from July to September, 398 victims were minors. Our President is still reticent when 420 rape cases have already been registered in the last two months and a girl was mercilessly killed after rape two weeks ago.

Rape has become rampant. Any female sex is getting raped—a mature lady, a teenager, a child, anyone.

Global estimates published by WHO back in 2017 stated that one in three women (35 percent) has experienced some form of violence—physical and/or sexual intimate or non-partner violence—excluding sexual harassment during their lifetime.  UN WOMEN claims this data can go up to 70 percent based on some national studies. Around 15 million adolescent girls (15- 19 years) have experienced forced sex at some point in their life worldwide. Perpetrators, in this case, are mostly current or erstwhile intimate partners. Yet, only one percent of victims seek legal action.

We want girls to return home early. We do not teach young men to regard young ladies. Many tend to believe in ill notions like ‘there is yes in no of women, women never say yes, they like to be taken by some force, women who drink are easy to approach’ and so on. Debunking these myths will take a long time as the obsession over women’s nature of clothing and color of their lipsticks is soaring.

Women are not here to meet and satisfy your personal and sexual wants. We are not here to be your sex apparatuses.

Men somehow fear women’s sexuality. So to assert their control and power they dominate women through rape. They demonstrate rape as a sign of victory. It makes me extremely upset and sick that individuals are developing such mentality. Equally sickening is the belief among the sick men that our dress, the way we talk invite men to rape.

But what do you say about the rape of Nirmala Panta and Samjhana BK? Were they wearing explicit outfits? Advising a lady to cover up because there is an attacker outside resembles advising everybody to wear impenetrable coats since somebody in the group may have a weapon.

It is difficult to know how many girls and women actually suffer from sexual violence because many of them rarely come forward. Why would they when their governments let the criminals run free and the victims are not provided justice?

I was recently reading about Fezekile Ntsukela Kuzwayo (Khwezi), a South African lesbian who accused Jacob Zuma, a high-ranking politician, of rape in 2005 and demanded justice. But it resulted in vilification of her personal life, sexual life in courtroom theatrics and intense media and public scrutiny. Khwezi was banished from the country and died in 2016 while the accused was absolved.  Around 40 lesbians are murdered since 2000 and on an average about 10 lesbians are raped each week in South Africa.

The incidents like these have discouraged many women to seek legal remedies and encouraged males to show off their masculinity by raping women.

In Nepal, I think of how Nirmala Panta was brutally murdered and how the bloody rapist is still walking free. Some people say women and girls should take self defense training.  One needs to learn self control. If men begin respecting women and changed their outlook towards them, we do not need self defense. Parents need to teach their children to respect the either sex and to talk about and report to the police if the wrongdoing happens on them.  We need to educate our children about it in schools too.

All women should be respected regardless of their clothing. No means no, stop means stop, leave me alone means no, screaming or crying means no, I am not ready means no. How we dress doesn't mean yes. 

A woman is not an object.

I am a twenty-three-year-old girl. If you are sexualizing me, you are the problem.




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