I’ve been planning to go abroad for my higher studies for a long time. Actually my parents would always encourage me, too, and tell me that I’ll have to try for a scholarship as soon as I finished my high school. But I haven’t been able to get a single scholarship (for different reasons) even though I’ve been trying for a year now. I’m very frustrated as I see my friends have already joined colleges here and abroad. My grades are good enough and I also have a lot of extracurricular activities so I don’t know why I’m not getting through. My parents are now suggesting that I join a good college here. I’m so angry with myself and also confused. I don’t feel like studying anymore. Can you suggest anything?
Abiral
Every now and then, there’s a little inspiration that one can draw from a Facebook post that goes viral. Here’s one I want to share with you. This is by J John.
Once, a man, who works in a factory, is walking out of the factory after the day’s work. He’s pushing a wheelbarrow out of the factory. The security guard notices him and asks, “What do you have in that wheelbarrow?” The workman says, “A box.” The security guard says, “I see it’s a box, but what’s in that box”? The workman replies, “At the end of the day’s work, there are all these sawdust that just gets thrown away. I need them back home so I’m taking them.” The security asks him to open the box and sees that it is sawdust. He lets the workman go. Day after day, the same thing happens. On the fifth day, there’s the same security guard who notices the workman again pushing the wheelbarrow with a small box in it. He asks the same question and gets the same reply. The security guard checks the box and it is sawdust. The security guard looks at the man and says, “I just have a gut feeling that you’re stealing something. I just know it. Why don’t you tell me what you’re stealing and I won’t report you.” “All right,” says the man, “I’m stealing the wheelbarrows.”
The moral of the story is that most often we’re so caught up in the small things that we miss the big picture. Most often it’s the grain of sand in our shoes that weighs us down and we lose focus and the bigger picture.
Not being able to go abroad for higher studies is just a grain of sand stuck in your shoes that you’re allowing to weigh you down. You’re losing focus of the big picture. Most often we’re stuck with small goals in life. But goals are just a box of sawdust. We forget to ask ourselves, what is it that we truly aspire for which goals are just milestones.
Ask yourself—what do you truly aspire for? What is your wheelbarrow? When you focus on the bigger aspiration, you’ll notice that there are many ways to getting there and going abroad is just one of the many ways. Do you aspire for wealth and prosperity, or a life dedicated to service of others? Do you aspire for name and fame, do you aspire to experience life to the fullest, or do you aspire to be independent and be the captain of your own ship? Do you aspire to know, to learn from every great expert that was out there? Do you aspire to be swayed away by the great poets and writers? Do you aspire for a great friendship, life that’s driven by a strong mission, or do you aspire for a purposeful and meaningful life? To these larger aspirations, going abroad is just “one of the many ways” and not “the only way.”
Do not obsess about the small box. Focus on your bigger life aspirations. Get the grain of sand out of your mind and carry on. There are many more worlds beyond the realm of the stars.
Dear Swastika,
I recently joined an organization as an intern and I’m really enjoying it. But there is this young guy, who really creeps me out. He is always out there, taking every opportunity to talk to me and offer help unnecessarily. A fellow intern told me the same about him. Given his seniority at work, I don’t feel it’s right to confront him right away even though he really makes me feel uncomfortable, slightly nervous, too. How should I deal with him?
Intern
I know that situations like this at work can be extremely uncomfortable to deal with because sometimes you doubt your own instinct and/or because you can’t decide if your response would be appropriate to the degree of seriousness that the situation poses. So let’s break it down.
There could be several things happening at the level of this guy. One, it could be that he knows that he’s creeping you out. He could be taking sadistic pleasure by making you uncomfortable. He could be taking advantage of his seniority and literally just harassing you in full consciousness of his action or in the lack of awareness of his own tendencies. In either case, he’s assuming that you’re weaker than him and that you will never stand up against him. Every animal preys on another, which it thinks is weaker than itself.
Another possibility, he doesn’t know that he is creeping you out. He has become fond of you and is looking for ways to get your attention and impress you. If that’s the case, then he’s assuming that your silence is you consenting to his gestures. He’s assuming that you’re considering him and there’s a chance that you’d be interested in a (short term or long term) relationship with him.
In either case, the rule is pretty simple – you fight or you flee.
You could look straight into his eyes and tell him that he’s making you uncomfortable. With a strong body language, you could walk out every time he tries to talk and tell him that you’d want to spend your time in work. Every time he offers help, you can stand up and directly face him and tell him that you’d like to figure this out on your own and learn from it. Push him away with words, body language and gestures that make you look strong, firm and determined. Fight him out of your way with every cell of your existence and find your place.
You should talk to the senior most person in the office or others you can count on to try and find out what his deal is and if it’s just you who’s feeling uncomfortable. You can talk to others in a way that instead of directly accusing him, put it in a way as if you’re trying to find out if what you’re feeling is justified and if others too have noticed that he is taking too much interest in you. Just putting this information out there, will support you in case he tries to blame you or put you in a bad position.
If you can’t fight, then flee. Nothing in the world is worth more than your safety and wellbeing. If you suffer quietly, you put yourself in a bad position that will keep getting worse, and you’ll somehow give the message to this guy that he can get away with harassing women. So leave if you must. But leave with a lot of noise. Leave after a good fight. Leave by letting other’s know why you’re leaving. Leave in a way that he’ll never forget that even in fleeing, you were still stronger than him.
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