I'm 22 years old and I'm a final year undergraduate student. I'm torn between starting work immediately and studying further. The financial situation at home isn't very good and as the eldest son I feel the responsibility to help my parents. I think I'd be okay with working but I feel too worried when I think about how I'll manage everything. And I'd really like to study further now because I feel that if I take a gap year I won't be able to get back to my studies at all. This constantly worries me and I'm not able to concentrate on my studies. I don't even feel like going back home. My parents haven't forced me to make a decision but I feel it's my responsibility. What should I do?
--Suraj
There's something that I read at Osho Tapoban that changed my way of life. By the stairs, there's a board with his words - "Do not postpone the essential". These words are so profound. When I read it the first time, I wondered – what is the most essential thing? I wondered if there was a list of things that you had to prioritize no matter what. I wondered if Osho was trying to hint at Dharma as the most essential or perhaps family or personal happiness. When I read it, I was in a phase of my life where work had completely consumed me. I hadn't seen or reached out to my best friends for about two years. My relatives had stopped inviting me to events because they just assumed I'd be too busy anyway. It was the same reason why my friends would go places without even asking or offering. There was a time my Mom even thought I wouldn't have time to take her to her eye surgery and was making plans to go all by herself.
At that time, I thought the relationship that we share with friends and family ought to be the most essential thing that shouldn't be postponed. Now when I look back, I've realized that if I hadn't spent two years of my life shutting myself from everything, I wouldn't have been able to lay the foundation of success that has benefited a huge number of people as well as myself. Those two years, nothing was more "essential" than a complete surrender to the mission I had set myself to. I have now realized that "essential" is relative. There is no set list of "essential." It depends on time, context and circumstances. The biggest trick, therefore, is always in figuring out what is the most essential thing at this time, at this moment, within the current circumstances.
I know that your family's financial circumstance might seem very desperate. Your higher education and career are equally important and urgent at this time for you to be in a position where you can do more for your family, community and yourself. Ask yourself, at this time what is the most essential thing that cannot be postponed. Is your family situation so desperate that you would suffer a loss that can never be replaced? Or is it your education and career that is essential at this time? You are the one who is going to have to decide. All I can advise is to be careful – sometimes what we think is urgent isn't always urgent. Sometimes what we think is in a bad situation can actually hold on to itself a little longer to allow us the time we need to take care of something else that is more essential. It also helps to consult with your family. But the final decision should be yours. Only you know what you value the most. "Essential" is also very personal.
I wish you the wisdom you need to truly find out what is the most essential thing at this time that you cannot and should not postpone.
Value of US dollar suffers decline
Swastika Shrestha is the co-founder and head of training and support at Teach for Nepal. She has several years of experience training and mentoring youth leaders. She can be reached at swastika@teachfornepal.org.
