Life is not a race to the finish line

I'm not sure why you diagnosed yourself as going through a "quarter life crisis". To me it sounds like it has suddenly hit you that you're turning 30. You've realized that there are quite a few things that your friends have accomplished that you haven't. Rather than quarter life crisis, I think it is called "turning 30." In the unwritten book of social norms, I'm sure it says that by the time a woman is 30, she should be married, have a stable job, and should have figured out life. And if you look at other people's lives, the way you look at their Facebook accounts, I'm sure it looks like everyone is living their perfect lives right by the unwritten book of social norms.

But if we go beyond flipping through their picture, you might realize, no one has figured out their life yet. They've just made peace with what life has offered to them. Behind the smiles and beyond the perfect selfies, the restlessness, dissatisfaction, and sense of unfulfilled desire are burning everyone's heart. On the other hand, if you look closely inside the society we live in, you'll realize there are many untold stories of women who find their Mr or Mrs Right much later in life and lead a much mature, understanding and fulfilling relationship. Many women find their inner calling and make a shift in career paths or entrepreneurial journey by early or even late 30s.

Life is not a race to the finish line. But if it were, then the only one who is going to be late is the one who forgets to live her life by constantly worrying about being late. However, "turning 30" is an important realization. If you're thinking to yourself, this is not the kind of life you'd imagined for yourself, then grab yourself a pen and paper and start creating a picture of your life. Then fold that paper, put it in your pocket and start walking towards it until the picture matches your reality. Get a Master's degree if that's what you need. Go out and get to know people. Learn much. Add on to your skills. Learn a dance or a language. Whatever it takes, just do it. Turn your frustration into determination and passion. It takes several years of hard work and perseverance to turn things around. But it is possible. The most important thing about "turning 30" is that it is not a crisis that will pass, it is an opportunity that you can grab by its tail and swing it to really turn your life into what you had pictured it to be. By the time you're "turning 40" you could be telling a completely different story.
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Dear Swastika,

One of my little cousins, who just turned 20, has been going out with a man of 31 years. We've met couple of times and he is a nice person. He's educated and successful, but isn't my cousin too young to be his girlfriend? While my sister is all charmed by his wit and mature ways, what if the man is just experimenting? I'm afraid they'll get physically intimate and then he'll leave her. I'm so concerned about her but I haven't been able to talk about this to her. How shall I make sure that she's safe? Is talking to the man a good idea? Because we're friends on Facebook and I could talk about it somehow.
–Rita

All 30 years old unmarried men aren't manipulative and experimenting types (hahaha...). Some can actually be committed and looking for a longer-term relationship. Having said that, it doesn't hurt to be a little cautious.

The fact is that your cousin could be in a relationship with someone closer to her age, and still be vulnerable to being manipulated towards a reckless physical relationship, which is not rooted in love, responsibility or commitment. When it comes to relationships, there are things that girls "want to hear" and things that girls "need to hear." As someone who can guide her, it is perhaps important to understand that telling her what she wants to hear will nurture a more open and closer relationship between the two of you. However, telling her what she needs to hear will make your relationship stronger and meaningful over time. The trick is to make sure that you're very mindful about how you talk to her. It is important to step back and confront your own fears and prejudices. It is possible that you have experienced, witnessed, or heard about older men taking advantage of younger women. When you talk to her, make sure you celebrate the awe she feels towards this man and everything good that the bliss of love has brought in her life. Keep an open relationship where you can discuss where her relationship is going, and also admit your fears and all the terrible stories you've heard about men and relationships. Getting to know the man is good because I think it could either ease your anxiety or confirm your doubt.

Terrible things can happen to unsuspecting girls who are completely consumed in love and trust with all their heart. If anything wrong happens, those incidents stay with them and affect them for the rest of their life. So I do admire your sense of responsibility towards watching over your sister and protecting her from something that could affect her for the rest of her life. However, going behind your cousin's back to talk to him and instigate his intentions might be going too far. If you lose the trust of someone you're trying to help, then everything is futile. Do the best to be with her and protect her from the worst of things, but also keep in mind that there are few things in a relationship that are best learned through mistakes. Don't let her fall, and don't grab her by the neck.

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Swastika Shrestha is the co-founder and head of training and support at Teach for Nepal. She has several years of experience training and mentoring youth leaders. She can be reached at swastika@teachfornepal.org.