My mother wanted me to become a doctor. When I couldn't, my family—including myself—pinned our hopes on my sister to fulfill that dream. Looking back, I wonder if I pushed her simply because I had failed, projecting my unfulfilled aspirations onto her. I may never know the answer. Later, after I married and moved away, she found her own passions and talents and began building her own future.
I realized then that the guidance we offer isn't always the best; instead, we should focus on empowering the next generation to choose their own paths. Children deserve the freedom to pursue their interests, follow their strengths, and be motivated by what excites them. So, how can you truly support your child's dreams rather than pushing your own on them?
I have seen children form vivid ideas about work long before they select a major. My youngest son, for example, wanted to be a paleontologist before he could even pronounce the word in the 80s. Dinosaurs were all the rage then. Soon, he moved on to computer games thanks to Nintendo, or tried to dance like Egyptians after seeing it on TV. These early dreams are endearingly simple, shaped by what children observe and experience.
Just as my son was influenced by the world around him, we see the same process today. Your five-year-old granddaughter might one day enthusiastically mimic her father, mother, doctor, or dentist, even using the correct names for instruments while pretending to converse with a nurse. The next day, she might play teacher, making everyone her "students," listening to and inventing stories while leafing through picture books. Mimicking her classroom teacher. These are more than just cute moments; they're powerful examples of how children process their world and explore potential roles through imitation and play.Her detailed play reveals far more than a simple prediction—it shows her current passions and emerging abilities. She demonstrates keen observation, an interest in caregiving and teaching, and strong language skills by picking up specialized vocabulary.
Still, it’s important to remember that her play, even when detailed, doesn’t guarantee she'll become a doctor or teacher. These are glimpses into her growing interests and capabilities, not a forecast of her future career. We must be cautious not to stereotype children with phrases like "A doctor’s child will definitely be a doctor" or similar assumptions about any profession they imitate.
Psychologist Linda Gottfredson’s, ‘Theory of Circumscription and Compromise’ gives us more insight. As children grow, they automatically narrow their options, first eliminating paths that seem socially inappropriate or unsuitable, often influenced by gender stereotypes or ideas of prestige.As children mature, they often compromise and adjust their aspirations based on what they believe is possible.
Women at work
For example, your son or daughter might dream of becoming a professional athlete but later pursue sports coaching, still staying connected to their passion. Rather than dismissing a big dream, help your child explore related fields. Ultimately, your child's self-concept—how they see themselves and their abilities—is shaped by their experiences. A limited world often leads to limited aspirations. When we constantly push a specific path, children may adopt “hand-me-down dreams” without truly connecting with their own purpose. This is common among parents in Nepal.
As parents, we have immense power to cultivate environments where our children feel empowered to explore their potential. Be their guide and cheerleader, not their director—foster child-led career development.
You might wonder, ‘How do we do that?’ Start by embracing exploration and play. Give children plenty of time for imaginative play. When they build castles or pretend to run a restaurant, they’re learning important skills like creativity and adaptability. For example, if your child sets up a toy “shop,” ask about their “business strategy” to encourage entrepreneurial thinking. Get involved in their make-believe play.
Broaden their horizons by encouraging diverse activities. Visit museums, watch documentaries about various professions, or read books featuring characters in different roles. The more they experience, the more they discover what excites them. Show them examples of female engineers, male nurses, and people from diverse backgrounds excelling in many fields.
Empower your child by allowing them to take ownership of their learning. Rather than saying, “You have to practice piano,” try, “Can you play the song you tried last night? I loved it.” Always praise effort, persistence, and curiosity.
Provide age-appropriate challenges for growth. Encourage older children to research topics they’re passionate about and discuss what they learn. Appreciate it when they correct you—acknowledge that learning is lifelong.
Help your child connect interests to real skills. Choose open communication and guidance; don’t dictate—suggest and listen. Ask open-ended questions, even about whimsical dreams: for example, “What does a dragon trainer need to know?” This nurtures imaginative thinking. Who knows where these conversations could lead?
Make career exploration a shared adventure. Research professions together and discuss their pros and cons. If possible, facilitate real-world encounters—ask a local baker if your child can observe for a few minutes, or arrange for a friend in IT to chat about their job.
Let teens volunteer at a friend’s boutique or flower nursery for a day. Bring your child or grandchild to work so they see what you do. Remind them that career paths are rarely linear; it’s okay to change interests or careers. The goal is a fulfilling journey, not a fixed destination. Share your career stories, including any new skills you’re learning.
Beyond career exploration, nurture essential life skills such as strong communication, teamwork, creative problem-solving, and critical thinking through family projects. As children grow, introduce financial literacy by explaining how jobs sustain the economy and teaching basic money management. While cultural differences exist, child-led career development principles are gaining global recognition.
Many education systems connect learning to real-world roles. For example, science lessons may highlight environmental scientists, while history classes might explore ancient professions. When children ask, “Why learn math?” relate the subject to actual careers, such as saying, “Math helps engineers build bridges.”
Finland emphasizes play-based learning and career awareness through immersive, self-directed play (such as running a pretend post office).
Germany is known for strong vocational and apprenticeship systems starting in the mid-teen years, allowing youth to explore trades that lead to rewarding careers. Consider exposing older children to hands-on trades—visiting a local workshop could open their eyes.
In many Western countries, schools offer career counseling and career days, bringing in professionals to inspire students and guide their career planning.
We can adapt these ideas at home. Set up “mini-offices” or “kitchen labs” for exploration. Introduce financial literacy and household skills—just as my father once let me keep daily household accounts and taught me knitting.
Ultimately, allowing children to discover and choose their professional path fosters fulfillment, intrinsic motivation, and resilience. As parents, our responsibility is to expose children to diverse possibilities—a journey of discovery and growth. Be their steadfast companion, curious sounding board, and unwavering supporter of their unique potential.
(The author is an educator. She has written several children’s books. She has written for children and on parenting issues for Republica for the past 10 years. You can access her writings at https://myrepublica.nagariknetwork.com/author/1042/usha-pokharel.)
