When Renuka Sharma was a little girl, her ambitions and aspirations were like the weather: it came in bouts. Sometimes she wanted to become a teacher, sometimes a businesswoman and at other times someone really famous, irrespective of what career path she chose. However, at 39 today, Renuka is a housewife and has no regrets.[break]
“I haven’t given up on my dreams. It’s just taken a temporary hiatus. Someday when my children go off to college, I’ll turn my dreams into reality,” says Renuka with a beaming smile, adding that she is already quite famous – among her daughter’s circle. “They think I’m the coolest mom.”
Every household needs a caretaker, and women are generally better than men at handling those often mundane tasks; which is why women, broadly speaking, often seem to be the ones to give up on their dreams, at least temporarily. Also, when you’re in a marriage where both are working professionals and then there comes along a child, someone has to give up something in order to bring up the child properly. One parent takes the primary responsibility, and that almost always is the mother.
Archana Rimal at her beauty parlor at Jawalakhel.
Archana Rimal, 45, a housewife/beautician, also feels that this is very true in case of women who can’t juggle multiple tasks at the same time. It is a well established fact that women are brilliant at multitasking but there are always a few exceptions.
For some women, handling personal and professional life at the same time comes with a lot of stress and emotional upheaval. And also for these women, no amount of professional success could console them if their family suffered because of them.
“I chose to stay home after I got married because I wanted to give my family all my time and attention,” says Archana who has been married for 25 years. Then she had children, a son and a daughter, and being a mother became her fulltime job. But when her kids started going to school, Archana found herself being bored at home.
She took courses in grooming and hairstyling and opened her own parlor at home. It has been ten years and she opens shop after her daughter, who is now a BDS student, goes off to college and closes before dusk so that she can attend to her family.
For most women, some of whom end up being housewives by circumstances and some who opt for the lifestyle, something seems to be amiss when their children grow up and have lives of their own. Maybe it is the feeling of having too much time on their hands. Many such women choose to take up some work to keep themselves occupied and make some money at the same time.
For Sharada Shrestha, 55, a seamstress, the story is pretty much the same. She got married when she was 19 and gave birth to three children that sealed her fate as a housewife. It was only years later when her children started going to school that she thought she should do something to keep herself busy as well as make some money to support her family.
“I took a tailoring course since I was always good at sewing and stitching,” she says. Sharada then leased a small store and set up shop. Initially, it was just some friends and relatives who gave her work to encourage her in her endeavor. Then, slowly business picked up and she felt she was finally being noticed. Some years back, her husband also joined her and now they run their business together from a jointly owned store at
Kumaripati.
But all this isn’t as rosy as it sounds. Taking care of the family and running a business side by side has taken its toll on Sharada who admits that she’s exhausted by the end of the day. But she sheepishly admits that she wouldn’t have it any other way, either.
Archana echoes Sharada’s sentiments. Though work has doubled, Archana too simply loves being a homemaker and also running her own beauty parlor from the comfort of her home. She wouldn’t give up on either one and makes sure neither ends up being compromised for the sake of the other. But if there is an even tiny family emergency, then she doesn’t hesitate a moment before shutting the shutters to her shop and focusing entirely on the issue at hand.
Sharada. too, gets to work according to her schedule at home. One of the conveniences of running your own business is that you are in control of your routine and can prioritize accordingly. These ladies have always made home and family their topmost priorities, and running their own business rather than taking up a job ensures them the freedom to do so.
Being a housewife is definitely not an easy task, say the homemakers. It is a fulltime job requiring you to be on your toes every single waking hour of the day. From being up before the break of dawn to make sure everything is in order before the rest of the family begins their day to retiring late at night, consumed with thoughts of tasks for the next day, these women definitely don’t have a minute’s respite. Add to that the fact that you have your own business to take care of, and there is hardly a minute to relax and unwind.
“Still, when you tell people that you are a housewife, you’re taken as someone who just stays at home and rests. Even if you’re running your own business, they think nothing of it,” says Archana, adding that though running the beauty parlor comes second to taking care of her family, she likes to be able to take care of her own expenses and even give her children their allowances from her earnings instead of being completely dependent on her husband.
Sharada Shrestha at work in her store at Kumaripati.
Managing a home and a business simultaneously can be a rollercoaster ride, as it comes with a fair share of highs and lows. For Archana and Sharada, juggling home and work is a daily battle.
“I have to manage everything at home before heading to work. Sometimes, the transition isn’t easy and pending work at home continues to plague my mind and I can’t concentrate at work,” says Archana.
“If I wake up a minute later than usual, then the daily routine of my entire family suffers. Everything goes haywire,” adds Sharada, reinforcing Archana’s statement about how their lives continue to revolve around their family.
This mindset will perhaps never change as after years of being “housewives,” they are pretty much still so at heart. But slowly women like them are changing the very notion and redefining the meaning of “housewives.”
Maybe it is time to forget everything we have heard about stay-at-home moms. A new generation is starting their own businesses, and working from home and making “being a housewife” and “being a feminist” no longer mutually exclusive ideas.
cillakhatry@gmail.co
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