The reason: no verbal and physical abuse, torture and ill treatment by his wife Devi Paudel. Gyanwali hails from Gulmi and Paudel from Chitwan. It has been six months that the husband´s application for divorce with wife is stuck at Kathmandu Metropolitan City. [break]In case of men, such applications have to go through local bodies unlike in the case of women who can straight away go to the court.
According to Gyanwali, he is one of the serious victims of domestic violence against men. “I feel that her sole objective is to destroy me,” he asserts. “She gave enough torture, tarnished my image, done every wrong thing a woman could do to a man in the four years when we lived together,” he recounts. They married in 2005. “For the last two years, we have separated and I feel so much relieved,” he added. His 5-year-old son lives with him. “If mother would not have beaten you, you would live with her, isn´t it?” Gyanwali quoted his son as saying.
Gyanwali states that he would not have spoken publicly if his wife had kept the matter private. “She used to slap me in my son´s school, misbehave with me in my campus and where not! She would not spare me even in front of the in-laws, my family and friends. There was nothing private.” Gyawali added that it was his wife´s routine job to check out the numbers in his cell phone and sometimes call up and make unnecessary enquires. “She has abused my students, my clients and my friends to an extent that I would feel ashamed to face those people.”
Gyanwali insisted us to talk to wife Devi as well, and provided her phone number. However, even after several attempts, the phone was not picked up. “Ask her why she can not simply give me a divorce even when I am so much ready to part with a share of assets I own?” he said. “This incident in my life taught me a lot, if I had a slight idea that a woman could be so rude and selfish I could prevent the loss in my life; so all men should beware of rude wives."
And now Gyanwali not only openly speaks about his story but is about to register an organization to help out the husbands victimized by wives. “We thought about it a year ago, however, the formal process is yet not completed, but that needs to be done soon,” he said. “Domestic violence against men is prevalent in our society and there should be a place for the men to seek justice when victimized by wives, basically there are laws to amend and reform so that a husband does not have to suffer.”
According to him, though the organization is yet to be formally registered and even named, male victims have begun to open up during informal meetings. “We have already come across around 100 such men in the circle of our friends and relatives,” he said. “The law is biased and if a woman decides to take advantage of husband, the man is just finished!” he stressed. “There is a need for not one but several organizations to save innocent males.”
The rising cases of domestic violence against male have been noted in National Woman Commission, as well.
Tara Maharjan, legal counselor at the commission states that at least one male victim visit the officer in a month. “We cannot register their cases as we are authorized to look after only women´s cases. When the males come here, we advise them and ask them to go to reconciliation center.”
Legal counselor Deepa Acharya and legal expert Saraj Raj Thapa add that soon there might be a need for a separate mechanism to deal with the issue of violence against men.
Similarly, Shanta Sedain, member of the Bar Association, who is currently handling a case of a male victim who is seeking divorce from wife for last two years in the Supreme Court, asserts that domestic violence against men is growing in our society and until wife wants men can hardly get a divorce.
“My client wants divorce from his wife, but that is not very easy,” she said. “His case lingered in the District Court, the Appellate Court and now it is in the Supreme Court.”
Responding to the issue, Sociologist Ganeshman Gurung said, “It is one of the characteristics of the urban society that the individuals garner unlimited desires and when they are not fulfilled they tend to act violently. And in case of women they dream from early childhood that their husbands would fulfill all the desires and keep them happy at any cost.”
According to him, in the urban area, the women are comparatively less tolerant which reflects in their behavior toward husband and family. “When things do not go her way, a wife might revolt in many ways, and more so when she knows that the law is in her favor.”
Related story
CACN draws govt's attention to taming inflation
