“This is a common problem among people in live-in relationship,” noted legal officer at the National Women´s Commission Kalpana Khatiwada. “We nowadays get around two to three cases a month compared to just one until last year.” [break]
Khatiwada informs typically those going for a live-in relationship are people aged between 20 and 30 and from all sorts of professional background, including those in the high paying jobs. “We cannot say exactly how popular this relationship is in the valley. But we can say that the number is growing and the people involved come from all categories, from low income to high income groups," said Khatiwada “But only after the relationship sours, women come here seeking legal intervention.”
Males do not go to the commission seeking such service. In fact, the commission thinks that men do not suffer in this kind of relationship due to the nature of the relationship itself. According to legal expert at the commission Saraj Raj Thapa, after living together for some time period, women often develop deeper emotional attachment with the males, who do not reciprocate in the same way.
If women lose interest in the man over time, the relationship comes to an end without much fuss as the men do not seek legal help as they cannot stake claim on the girl´s property or income.
“It may not sound fair to say that, but on the basis of the cases we have been handling, we can say that women suffer the most if live-in relationship fails because there are no legal provisions to protect them,” said Thapa.
He also said that women suffer not only because they are more emotionally invested, but also because they cannot move easily due to the lack of social support.
“Men and women are treated differently by the society. Women are expected to be more loyal and responsible, while men are much easily forgiven for their mistakes,” said Thapa.
Thapa stressed that as more and more people enter live-in relationships, a wider study of the subject and suitable legal provisions has become very important. “It is a growing trend in urban areas. If it is not brought within the boundaries of law, women will continue to suffer,” he said.
There has been just one study on the subject in Nepal so far. In 2009, former attorney general Chet Nath Ghimire and legal expert Kopila Rijal had done thorough study of live-in relationship and submitted the recommendation to the related commission and other related departments. The 26 cases taken up by them had also featured women as sufferers that called for immediate legal approach to tackle such issues.
“The study had recommended that the cases of domestic violence against women ought to be treated as per the existing law and for other complex issues, such as related to the birth and identification of a child, more guidelines would be needed,” Thapa said. “However, the issue has not quite drawn the attention of the high officials and so there is no law to deal with problems that arise from a live-in relationship,” commented Thapa.
Meanwhile, former secretary at the commission Ritu Raj Bhandari maintains that under marital status, husband and wife have certain rights and responsibilities. “But deciding on the provision and criteria of the live-in relationship is very challenging,” he states.
Thus, in lack of legal provisions, the commission does not even formally register the case. But given the cases of physical and emotional violence against women involved in that kind of relationship, the lack of laws seems to have cost women dearly, according to Deepa Acharya, senior legal counselor at the commission.
“What we should understand is that live-in relationship is no more a new phenomenon in the valley. I used to come across enough such cases even when I was working for Forum for Women, Law and Development (FWLD) four years ago,” she remarked.
Sushila came to the commission last month seeking legal support to claim her relationship with the man she was living with.
However, the man has denied having any ´serious´ relationship with her. “There´s is a relatively easier case to solve as the relationship has come to an end just within 6 months. It is very hard to sort out things when couples break up after several years of relationship,” Khatiwada remarked. According to her, in general, men tend to opt out of the relationship after women get pregnant as he is not willing to take the responsibility.
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