Like any modern love story it started when we were a match on tinder. He was my first match though. Like any other arrogant girl I didn’t text him first. Since, I was new on that app I was swiping some other guys as well. Then I got a message notification from him. He was Avinash. He started with a simple ‘Hey’ but who knew that ‘hey’ would turn my world around? We chatted a while about ourselves and our priorities in life. He turned out to be a doctor. I being a student of public health, our fields kind of matched. It was late around 11 but we kept on chatting. He said he was never up so late. But that night he didn’t want our conversations to stop. We clicked in so many things. It felt like he was the ideal soul mate I had been looking for. I started to believe in the notion that the app truly connected me to my dream boy/girl.
He asked for my number, without any second thought I gave him. Girls are usually offended when a guy asks for her number within a short period of knowing each other. But I gave it like some desperate soul-seeking person. We connected on Whatsapp and he called me up, it was already 12am. We talked over phone for a while and he asked me to switch to video. It was winter so I was inside my blanket with messed up hair. I became conscious and combed my hair by giving him an excuse of looking for my earphone. I had this insecurity of him not liking me and judging me by my physical appearance.
Finally, with some courage I switched to the video and saw each other. His dark skin tone was complimented with a pair of tired eyes and a bright smile as if he was waiting to see me all his life. I was lost in the sparkle of his eyes. The way his lips moved when he talked felt like the most beautiful form of art. His smile brought peace in me. Girls usually don’t ask a guy out and I was fighting this impulse to not ask him out but I couldn’t resist and blurted out, “lets’ meet on coffee tomorrow”. My fingers crossed, he recalled his plans for the next day and seemed he didn’t have anything important to do and finally agreed. We talked some more and went to sleep.
The next morning I woke up being nervous for our first meet. I wore my favorite jacket and was looking at the mirror took longer than before to get ready. I was in the coffee shop an hour early to make myself comfortable. I puked three times out of nervousness. He came we shook hands and the next thing we did was talk, talk and talk. After coffee we decided to head to a park whose ambience was filled with romantic vibes. Talking further seemed like both of us wanted to summarize our lives in that one single meet. We had lunch and went our own ways.
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Then our conversations on calls started being longer with our dates being merrier. I still remember our first movie date and how he slowly grabbed my hands and intertwined his fingers with mine. In the darkness of movie hall, I was always seeing him from the corner of my eye and honestly I don’t remember the movie at all.
After a long time, my heart had started skipping beats, my cheeks blushed, I got butterflies in my stomach, my heart felt the warmth of love and I started believing in relationships again. One day, he shared all his problems and how it was difficult for him to survive in the capital with limited financial resources. He was looking for a part time job to cope up in the city. We gradually started sharing our dreams, opinions, problems, happiness and sadness. Days passed and it had been almost two months that we were dating. We were not so much into romance but with him I could be on my own and he never judged me.
It was time for my one month field practical for which I had to be away from my hometown for a month. Before going we had our 6th date where we exchanged lots of laughter and he held my hands longer than before. Even though it was just for a month, it felt tough.
I went for my one month trip. He always called at around 7pm and I would be waiting desperately for his call even skipping my dinner just to talk to him. My friends started knowing about us and started teasing me by his name and all I could do was blushing and smiling. No matter how hectic my day was just a hello from him would calm me down and suddenly I used to forget everything. We were taking things slow. We never confessed our love for each other as we didn’t want to jump into a relationship. One day he was drunk and texted me “I love you” to which I replied “Tell me that when you mean it.” He explained how people expressed their true inner feelings when they were drunk. But I couldn’t say how much I loved him as I was still scared of the word ‘Love’. Days passed, the daily 7-9 pm was my Avinash time.
He always insisted on coming to meet me all the way to my field area. He explained how he wanted to propose me with all those grand decorations kneeling down, holding a rose in his hand just like any prince would do in fairytales. And how I replied, “just a simple ‘I Love You’ would do, you don’t need to waste money”. He was looking for a part time job while studying for his entrance exams for the USA. I used to console him on how it wasn’t the end and that I am always there for him. He always used to tell me how I was the most humble human he had ever met and that I was the light to his dark life who he never wanted to lose.
One day, we had a fight over him hitting the gym even though his leg was hurt. We didn’t talk for almost a week. I didn’t want to destroy our beautiful bond hence I apologized to him about my rude behavior. But instead he got angry and told me how our talks used to disturb his studies and that he didn’t want to continue this. I was shattered on hearing this. Suddenly he was running away from the light of his life. He didn’t want to be with the kindest person he ever had known. He was running away from the girl he said he was in love with.
My heart that held hopes and faith on love broke again. I embraced his rejection to my love. But before walking away I wrote him a message saying, “I will pray for your happiness and success. May all your dreams come true. And yes, I love you Avi.” Then I blocked him from everywhere.
Our love story started by installing an app and then ended by uninstalling the feelings.
