Dear Malvika,
I am a 14-year-old girl who recently happened to be in a relationship with one of my classmates. I don't know if it is too early for me to be in a relationship, but I love that guy a lot. My problem here is that my teachers know about us, and there are several unnecessary rumors going on at school. We haven't done anything wrong, but I am scared of facing my parents and telling them about him. My mom is like my best friend, but she is very conscious about me being in a relationship because she tells me that this generation is too cruel and we should be safe from boys. I have no clue on what to do and I feel like ending it all, but I am writing to you hoping that you'll help me.
Yes darling, you are too young to seriously think about relationships and the seriousness of it. I won’t tell you not to develop interest in boys, but I will tell you not be serious about it. Your mom is right about being safe though. You are too young to know the rights and wrongs and judge for yourself, even though you will learn from life. And what you think is love is indeed an infatuation, an attraction. And don’t let any kind of rumor bother you because as long as you don’t do unnecessary things, its fine. People will always talk and gossip about such things. But I still feel you should open up to your mom and confess how you feel. That will help you in life and you need someone older to suggest you from time to time on how to handle such situations. You can still be in touch with the guy and hang out, but don’t make it a do-or-die situation. You still have a long way to go.
Dear Malvika,
I am a 29-year-old boy currently studying and working in the US. I am the only child and my parents want me to come back and stay with them. But I am in a relationship with a girl of my age here, and I have not thought of going back to Nepal as I plan to settle down in the US. Whenever I try to convince my parents to come and visit here, they don’t seem happy or prepared to adjust in the US. I am confused on how should I convince my parents. Please help.
Our parents want a lot of things from us, some we can do and some we can’t. And that’s how it is. If you are with someone there and want to live there, then that is how it is. So give your parents some time. Is there a rush to convince them? If not then let things be the way they are. If you succumb to the pressure and regret it later, the decision will eat you up for a very long time. Trust me, I have seen that. And it can be quite depressing. So you have to take this decision solely. Come what may, you need to be able to handle it by yourself. And that is what I can’t decide for you. You have to do it on your own.
Feeling good
Dear Malvika,
I am a 25-year-old doctor currently working in an organization. I have been in a relationship with a guy for the last four years. We met in our college and he is a doctor as well. We wanted to pursue our education abroad, but my family isn't as supportive of our relationship and my wish to opt for abroad studies. They want me to stay and settle here. I feel helpless and confused. This has affected my personal life and also my work. Please suggest me what I should do?
If you want to fulfill a personal desire of being with someone and studying abroad however, your parents are not supportive then the only way to make that happen is on your own. Why don’t you apply for scholarship and other options first? Once you get an acceptance, you can see where that actually takes you. You can’t expect your parents to unwillingly support you into something that they don’t want for you. You have to make that happen by yourself. Therefore, in the meantime, just focus on getting that done. Take each day as it comes and don’t let rejections disappoint you but prepare yourself and make yourself mentally strong. There are many who study taking loans and on scholarships, and I am sure you guys can do the same too. Later when you are finished with your studies, you can think about settling down together, wherever you wish.
Dear Malvika,
I am a 22-year-old married girl. Until now I had never known of my husband going out with girls, but it has been three days since I heard what he has been up to. I said I wanted a divorce, but he is begging and crying for me not to do so. He doesn’t drink, always hands over his salary to me and has never done anything wrong. So I don’t know when all this happened. I don’t have my parents to guide and suggest me. Please help me with your ideas.
I am really sorry to hear about this. First of all you married too young, but I am sure you must have thought of something at that time. I think you should go for marriage counseling and figure out where things went wrong. Most 22-year-olds think about roaming around, travel, work and fun, and you are married with added responsibility. May be your husband wanted his freedom and wanted to explore his 20s, which in this situation is wrong. If that’s what he wanted then he should be able to do it with you. I also think that life is all about second chances and so is marriage. It’s not all easy, but if you love him, give him another chance. But don’t give in so easily. Make him realize his mistake and make him suffer for a while like he has done to you. If you give in too easily, he will think that you will accept him no matter what and that will not work in your favor. Take your time and see how it goes.
Send your questions to
gennext@myrepublica.com or mycity@myrepublica.com with the subject line “Gennext-Heart to Heart with Malvika” or post it on our facebook page at facebook.com/gennextnepal.
