“I didn’t wish for this. It’s rather a matter of compulsion considering my health and the fact that my son needs me all the time,” she says.
Shah reveals that she got married because her family wanted her to settle down early as she was the eldest daughter. But little did she know then, that marriage meant a farewell to her studies and work. She says that after she got pregnant, she had to let go of all other prospects as she was advised bed rest which made it impossible for her to move around much. [break]
The case like of Ratna’s comes across in Nepali society as a common scenario. Most women, at some point, have to make life altering choices. Families want to see their daughter married off and settled down while that may not always be what the woman wants from life at that particular point of time. However, under pressure, many women do give in.
Photo Courtesy: Aarati Sharma
Aarati Sharma, 28, an employee at Oxfam and a mother of a three year old daughter believes that it´s possible for a woman to balance work with motherhood provided that her family is supportive of her endeavours.
Under such circumstances, lawyer Anita Sapkota Chapagain, who works with the issues of human rights and women, favors the idea of female reproductive rights and believes that being able to take decisions regarding their own body makes women more “empowered.”
“You’re definitely at an advantage when you know when you want to have a child and how many you want to have. Unfortunately, many Nepali women still don’t have those choices,” says Chapagain. She points out patriarchal societal structure, economic dependency of women on their husbands and demands for a male child to be the prime reasons for incessant family interference in a couple’s and particularly in women’s personal choices.
However, with the trend of bearing a single child and women’s academics and career gaining priority even after their marriage, things are gradually changing. Moreover, in most cases, familial help in bringing up children makes things comparatively easier for most women.
Aarati Sharma, 28, has worked in the development sector for almost a decade. Her profession demands a lot of travel, field trips and physical stamina along with mental willpower. And being a mother of a three year old, she says that she requires extra motivation than her colleagues to leave home and focus on work.
“I planned my pregnancy carefully and I knew what was at stake when I conceived. As much as I wanted to succeed in my career, I wanted to experience motherhood as well. So I decided to have a baby sooner rather than later. I thought that may be, that way, I would be able to pick up my career and have a family at the same time,” she says.
She went back to work when her baby was only four months old. She even went for field visits to remote parts of the country despite being a breastfeeding mother. She remembers those days as some of the most challenging ones in her life.
Working currently at Oxfam, she still vividly remembers this one incident when she was emotionally fragile and almost on the verge of quitting her job. But then she was lucky to have her husband and her mother-in-laws’ support.
Her daughter, now three understands why her mother has to be away from her. Aarati is also happy to have been there when her daughter took her first step and spoke her first word. But she still misses taking the little girl to school and bringing her back home everyday.
“You can never have enough of your baby after you become a mother. But my daughter, in her own simple way, understands that I can’t ‘buy her chocolates’ if I don’t work,” she adds.
Aarati had always dreamed of scaling the heights of success in professional life. But she also longed for what her own mother often referred to as “the bliss of motherhood.” And at present, she’s happy to have the best of both worlds, professional and personal.
For any woman who wants the same, Aarati even suggests that she could get married relatively early and have a child immediately so that when she hits the professional world after that, there’ll be no looking back. “And a supportive family like mine always helps,” she says.
In some cases though, many organizations are often hesitant about hiring a married woman with household responsibilities or a new mother with a small baby. Considering the time, energy and resources that are often required to train a new employee, no organization wants to be at a loss by hiring somebody who is not in a position to render her best performance. However, there are such workplaces that have what can be called “mother friendly policies.”
Simrika Sharma, 27, a former journalist who is now working at WWF, is a mother of twins, a boy and a girl. She was eight months pregnant when she was hired. After mere twenty days of work, she went on maternity leave. Although she didn’t go for overnight stay until her babies were one, she still remembers those initial days at work as being extremely challenging.
“Hadn’t it been for the support from my organizational team and family, I wouldn’t have made it. I never experienced any discrimination or difficulty at work. I’m immensely grateful for that,” says Simrika.
Motherhood at present comes with its own share of complexities. Today’s women are dealing with dual duties of home and career. And especially for someone who has been in the workforce or the academic scenario for a while, staying at home does not seem like an appealing option. Not only is it economically and intellectually unfulfilling, being a stay-at-home mother may also get absolutely boring after a point.
That being said, there’re very few women in our part of the world who would miss out on the “completeness” that’s often associated with motherhood. To give birth to a little one and raise him or her stands out as an experience that can be compared to no other. However, in the present day and context, to venture out or stay back, has become the major question.
So some women opt to pick the ‘middle way’ – stay at home with their babies for a certain amount of time but make the most out of it. They learn some professional skills, do home based freelancing jobs, enroll in a couple of online courses or read those books and watch those movies that have remained shelved for a long time.
All in all, juggling babies with family, work and academics are the new challenges that today’s women are facing. A healthy baby, good grades, successful career and a happy conjugal life seems not that much to ask for. Or is it? That is for the society to question and the time to answer.
As a mother, not being with the child and going to work is a huge challenge, nevertheless, many women seem to have accepted it and proved their niche in professional as well as personal arenas. Being a good mother and a competent career woman at the same time is the requirement of the day. And with the change in the social mindset, alterations in the scenario are visible for the new mothers who wish to gain professional success albeit with their babies in tow.
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