I'm planning on going abroad but a huge problem is worrying me. I'm afraid that I won't get a satisfactory job when I reach there. I've been working as a primary level school teacher for the past five years. I don't want to be stuck doing part time jobs there. Should I be worried or should I just accept life as it is and do whatever comes my way?
--NayumaThis is how our education system has completely messed up our head. We start from grade one and then move to grade two and three and eventually up to 10. Each year, there is a sense of progress, of moving upwards, of being better, and reaching higher. It makes us believe that progress in life is linear. But on the contrary, life is not linear. It is circular or perhaps spiral like a spring. Life brings us again and again to point zero. Remember your first day to school where everything was new and everything you were doing, you were doing it for the first time. And then you worked and learned with so much joy. You progressed. You achieved. You graduated. But are you mindful that there have been multiple times you had to go through the same cycle?
I am sure when you started your job as a school teacher, you must have started at zero. Your students were probably learning how to write ABC, while you were learning to teach ABC. In a way, you were at the same level – "zero" – as your students. Gradually, I am sure, as your students progressed, you did the same. Every time we start something new, we start from zero and progressively move forward. Moving to a new place and starting a new life will mean that your life might have to start from zero. But do not fear it. Zero might seem like nothing. But zero is what makes nine into 90. Another zero when added makes it 900. Another zero when added makes it 9,000 so on and so forth. Zero is therefore not nothing; zero is unlimited potential for exponential growth.
Going abroad has potential, but you are right to feel that you might have to start from zero. As a beginner, you might have to start with a part-time job, or internship, or you might have to get back to college and take extra trainings. Like the first day in school, you might not have any friends and everyone might look intimidating and unfriendly. You might feel lost and unsure about yourself. However, remember that you always have the reigns of your life in your own hands. It is not about accepting life as it is and doing whatever comes your way. Life is not asking you to get stuck. Life is not asking you to passively follow it wherever it goes. Life is saying, "I have given you a zero – now if you put one in front, it will become 10, if you put nine in front, it will become 90." Life is giving you a potential for growth and is opening new frontiers. If you do your share, life will reward you with 10 times more.
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Dear Swastika,
I am 26 years old, and I recently realized that I try really hard at fitting in. I hesitate to give my opinion, and I agree to people easily even though deep down I know I don't subscribe to the opinion at all. Like, if someone says s/he likes a movie, I'll say something positive about the film although the truth is I hated every second of it. From simple things like this to everything else, I just try too hard to fit in. It's not that I'm not smart, or not confident enough, I just find it too difficult to disagree. How can I change this? I'm so tired of being fake that when I go to bed, I have the urge to shout out all the disagreeable things I agreed to during the day. This is slowly eating me up.
--Sad boy
Why don't you hang out more with people you can agree with – people with similar taste and values? That way, you can agree and still be authentic (smiles). On a more serious note, I think it is innately human to want to belong, to fit in, to try and connect with people, to find our common grounds, and get along. Sometimes, this human need becomes obsession if we have spent most of our life feeling a deep sense of disconnection, rejection, and alienation. There is nothing wrong in agreeing, but maybe, if this "agreeing" has begun to feel suffocating, it is possible that instead of a natural need, it has become an overbearing obsession. If you want to get out of this obsession, please remember that self-transformation can be excruciatingly painful and requires an inordinate amount of self-reflection. Look back at different stages of your life and try to recall moments when you might have felt disconnected, rejected or alienated. Look back into your past as you are watching a movie. Maybe as a child you experienced a time when you said something that someone who mattered to you didn't like and you eventually fell apart. Maybe disagreeing with your parents or siblings created a conflict at home that was very unpleasant. Maybe the only way you could make friends in a new school or college and save yourself from the excruciating sense of loneliness was to agree with whoever crossed your path.
Try to find the root of this obsessive pattern. At first, if you feel bitter, or sad, or lonely, or angry, allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling. Once you accept the different emotions, use your logic and rationales very skillfully to re-examine the moments from the past and ask yourself if those emotions and conclusions that you drew at that time were in fact absolute and real. Look at the same moment with a new perspective. This self-reflection that takes you to the past can dig up some very deep emotions and anger. The point is not to get angry or go and revenge upon people who wronged you in the past. The idea is to dig up suppressed emotions and give it a proper cremation. To rebuild yourself, sometimes you have to deconstruct yourself all the way to ground zero before you can create a new self, and a new perspective.
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