No one can be completely open-minded. People are conservative in one way or the other. Being liberal, as such, is relative and can only be calculated only in comparison with another person. I might be liberal in comparison with you, but I might be conservative in comparison with some other person. You get the drift.With an increasing number of extra-marital affairs coming out in the open every single day, can we really view it as a broadly liberal inclination of people in general? In the past, women whose husbands were abroad were heard to have such relationships, and husbands having affairs in foreign countries was regarded as obvious, even accepted. But now, the trend has changed. Even husband and wife who are living together are having affairs outside the walls of their home. Can we even term this as general broad mindedness? The concept of 'open' marriages, anyone?
Those who cheat on their partners might like to claim themselves as broadminded. But what if there are others who are more liberal compared to them? If they are so open minded that they easily share the details of their extra-marital affairs with their spouses?
I have talked to some people who are having extra affairs. I ask them: Don't you feel like you are cheating your spouse? The answer I get is no answer at all: They all call me a conservative person. I again ask what would be their reaction if their own spouses did the same. Most of them reply, "If it's kept a secret from me, then it is okay." What hypocrisy!
If you are seriously open-minded then you should accept it. But how can underhand cheating be open-minded?
Talking about sex openly is also considered as a sign of being opened-minded. But then sometimes your open-mindedness can give you a trouble. I can't say how much this applies to men, but being a woman, who is educated enough not to maintain a taboo in sex talks, I face many difficulties. I just talk about sex as I would talk about any societal issue I habitually talk about.
But sometimes I come in contact with some men who are satisfying their sexual needs through such a talk. Sometime ago I wrote an article titled "On youths and sex" (April 30th, 2014) in Republica. People liked it. Many appreciated my boldness to talk about a topic that is still considered a taboo in Nepal. However, the flipside about it was that men who felt uncomfortable talking about sex in general started sharing openly about their sex lives with me. They then proceeded to ask me about my own sex life. I was disgusted.
I am open-minded to talk about sex generally but not specifically with random people. Liberalism, again, is always relative. I might be more liberal in comparison with someone who avoids talking about sex issues out in the open. But I am still very conservative talking about my private life.
I agree that people might not be satisfied with their sex life and they might be looking for options out of home. And if you really want to, you can talk to your spouse and if they do not understand you then, if you are willing, you can secretly keep an extra marital affair with someone who understands your needs. But it should not take the form of your 'lover' trying to take advantage of your conjugal status. If you are open and honest about the kind of relationship you are having, it can be a medium for the fulfillment of your sexual desires.
No one should be forced into conversations involving their sex lives, if they are clearly not willing to do so. In such case your forceful approach can be more disgusting than a rapist. In such verbal harassments, you realize you are actually being harassed. Being an educated and a liberal woman, I had to go through all this. I doubt those teenage girls who are still unaware of such harassments know that they are being harassed in their schools, tuition classes, in bus.
Harassment doesn't only mean unwillingly being touched in your private organs, it also entails verbal harassment, use of dirty words, trying to influence someone to open their mind, forcing someone to talk about their private lives, making someone unwillingly listen to sex talk, etc.
Sexual harassment is also being a subject of someone's sexual satisfaction when you are unaware of it. I was wise enough to know that I was being harassed and I am also able to avoid such cases, either by avoiding such talks or complaining to the concerned person but someone who is still conservative about talking about these things might go through such harassment and a harrowing experience.
Never say someone is a closed-minded or a conservative person, for you are also a closed-minded person in some other person's eyes.
The author holds a Masters in Business Studies from Tribhuvan University
banipoudyal@yahoo.com
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