When her friends come to know that Resha Parajuli, 24, is a single child, they voice their disbelief. They tell her that she is not anything like an only child. “I come across such comments very often and it makes me wonder how exactly single children are supposed to behave,” she says.
It is a worldwide practice of stereotyping single children as ‘spoiled brats.’ Single children are supposed to be aggressive, lacking social skills and are insecure than children who have siblings. There have been many researches regarding the single child phenomenon with many supporting such statement while others concluding that these beliefs are actually false.[break]
“There are times when someone behaves in a certain way and if he turns out to be a single child, then people take it normally. The myth still persists,” says Parajuli.
She believes that the reason that her friends do not think of her as being a single child is because she grew up with her cousins. “Though I was the only child, I was very close with my cousins and we still share that special bond,” she says. During her growing up years, she was always accompanied by her cousins – at school and at home.
Photo Courtesy: Mohan Duwal
Mohan Duwal, 32, with his wife Sushma Rajkarnikar and four year old daughter Snehi. the couple is planning to have a second child so that their daughter does not miss out on the sibling experience.
Parajuli, however, is not the only single child who relied on her cousins to seek company. Another single child, Pratistha Singh, 28, also reminisces being with her cousins during her growing up days. “When I was a kid, I never felt alone even though we were not really together all the time,” she says.
Though the trend of nuclear family has started some two decades ago, families lived nearby during those times and children used to have close knitted relationship with their cousins. But unlike those times, now families have drifted apart due to various reasons, such as lack of housing space, over population and career-oriented attitude.
In a decade’s gap between 2001 and 2011, though the census of Nepal shows that the household size has decreased to only 4.88 from 5.44, family relationships are not as close in recent times. With many people deciding to settle abroad, family gatherings have become thinner and consequently such social and traditional events within families are decreasing.
“A young child today will have very less social interactions than I had during my childhood days,” says Parajuli, pointing out that a single child may face several complications today than what she had to experience.
Namrata Gopalan, 34, also agrees with Parajuli. Mother of a two and a half years old child, Gopalan says that she is planning to have her second child after a healthy gap. “Since I grew up with an older sister, I really feel that a sibling can play a very important part in your life,” she says, adding that her decision to have a second child is solely because she believes that siblings can be each other’s support system and she does not want her son to miss out on that.
But having a single child has its own perks. Most single children do not have to fight for their space at home and do not have to deal with sibling rivalry, and also parents of single children find it easier to provide more financially. And in today’s fast-paced world, a single child also means that parents can easily combine their work and social commitments other than complying with parental responsibilities.
These benefits are sometimes also criticized for being parent-centric rather than child-centric. But Parajauli says that financial resources can be equally helpful to a child as much as to his parents. “My parents were able to help me financially even when I was studying at a US university, This probably would have been difficult if my parents had to plan for their second child as well,” she says.
However, Mohan Duwal, 32, father of a four and half years old, who plans to have a second child in the near future, says that fulfilling parental obligations and handling work and social commitments might have discouraged him to have another child if he had not been living in a joint family.
“Now we can rely on our family to take care of our children. But if we were living separately, there would have been some pressure handling work and home,” he says. But regarding financial responsibilities, he argues that it all depends on proper management.
Like Gopalan, his decision to have two kids is primarily because he does not want his children to miss out on the sibling experience. “Even if you look around among friends, it is normal to have at least two kids. Having two children seems to make a family whole,” he says.
Parajuli and Singh also agree that they did miss the sibling experience. “Most of the times, you are the center of the attention of your parents and that can be too overwhelming at times,” says Parajuli.
Singh, on the other hand, says, “People may see us being pampered but it is actually awkward at times. I may get whatever I ask for, but then I also feel responsible towards my parents than my friends do.”
Though they both crave for a sibling, they don’t agree on the single-child myth. “The personality of any person depends on his influence during his growing up days. And though I was the only child, my parents were really strict and they did not compromise in discipline,” Parajuli says. She adds that shaping a child’s personality is in the hands of his parents, especially if he is a single child. But having multiple children isn’t any different, either.
Many parents these days prefer to have their parental experience limited to a single child. Many factors, such as late marriage in urban areas, career prospects and financial conditions, also lead parents to resort to have only one child. However, whether parents decide to have a single child or many, it is necessary that one is exposed to enough social interactions, so that the child does not feel isolated or lonely.
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