Don’t get carried away
Make sure you overlook the implication of manners and etiquettes and don’t get carried away by signs. If you see a traffic light on the street, remember it’s only for the children to practically see what they study in their textbooks – that’s the reason why they’re so rare and barely functional. [break]
Same is the case with zebra crossings. They’re extremely risky. You could always get killed, so always maintain a distance of at least 20 meters from the crossing whenever you cross the road.
Read the signs of signs
The Mahila Arakchhan seats in buses are just there to make the vehicles look fancy. So, even if you’re a male, you can take one of those seats. If you see an old woman standing, surrounded by ten other men, don’t go weak. But if you’re a female, those are sit-anywhere-but-here seats. So make sure you never take them and end your day criticizing how men don’t follow the rules.
Keep it stylish
Since it’s only the fashionable ones who are discerned, always keep yourself updated. Espadrilles are pretty in these days. And let me tell you the silver touch to your attire. No matter, whether you’re walking, driving, or waiting on the street, spit ‘pyachcha’ every two minutes. If you’re a paan person, it’s even better. Remember, color is cooler.
Don’t waste your time
If you’re done eating your chauchau, or chewing your gum, you should do any of these two things, depending on the circumstances: If you’re in a sophisticated place, look left, look right and drop the packet, wrapper or whatever it is. Don’t give a rat’s tail about who’s watching you. If the place is already loaded with filth, just throw your stuffs in style. Maybe adopt a hip-hop body language!
Admire beauty
When you’re walking on the road and a ‘hottie’ passes by, the flirting whistle must be blown. Girls love it when you click that tongue. So if you aren’t used to that, better start practicing. You can even come up with a similar gesture suited to your forte.
Be dauntless
Bravery is always the most significant attribute of a person, so show that at times. Forget about the overhead bridges and just cross the streets – that audacity adds stars to your persona. Sit on the bus roofs, hang onto vehicle doors, and throw everyone out of your way as you get in or out of the vehicles. C’mon, these people have to know you’re ‘the-king-of-the-road-in-the-making’ guy. If you have bikes, remember, roads are where you flaunt your stunt expertise!
Fight for what’s yours
Say ‘We pay taxes, so we get to use the fullest of amenities.’ That involves hopping in or out of the public conveyance wherever you want. Waiting at the bus stops is too mainstream! In fact, be the hero of Hindi movies who says, “The line begins from where I stand.” If you own your own vehicle, the road is yours, too. So there’s nothing to stop you. Our government knows how we landlocked folks want to enjoy seas and oceans. That’s why we get to surf on the huge sea-like puddles every monsoon. So when it rains, get out, get splashing, and for those who seem indifferent about it, mud on their faces.
You’ll make it only if you break it
You must never let anyone question your dignity. If you don’t like the system of your college, your workplace or even the government, take to the streets. Scream out loud, burst into the aggressive mood, break things, kick the road dividers, and make at least a hundred totally uninvolved people suffer. Only then will your voice be heard.
The ultimate step
At last, if you don’t get the king feeling after all this, get a ‘My house was burnt, I’m helpless’ placard and earn bucks the uncomplicated way. The people who have actually lost their families or houses may be a problem, but come on, you’re the distinguished one – you know how to do away with them.
So there you have it, just the right recipe for a perfectly messed up Kathmandu Khichri. Stay focused, work your bones off, and you’ll get there someday. And yes, never forget to say ‘Nothing is to become of this city.”
All the best!
The writer is a Computer Science and Engineering student at Allahabad in India.
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