Remember the time when you looked for answers to woo the opposite sex in magazines and writings? Those tricks and tips might have worked but as time goes by, you learn that there is so much more to wooing the person your heart desires, or understanding the relationship you have with them. Once you are with someone, it’s not just about the relationship, it encompasses so many aspects of the couple’s lives, and that is something that we can never have enough help with.
Keeping this fact in mind, The Week talked to a few readers and asked them to name a book they think would help people understand relationships and its complex dynamics better.
The Woman Warrior
by Maxine Hong Kingston
Hamro Kitab: For the book-loving society
Some men complain that we women talk too much about feminism. Even though they are for woman, they don’t quite understand how important it is for us to keep demanding for our rights. One too many lines on the matter and they tend to get a little irritated. “What’s the big deal?” they say. I feel if they were to read Maxine Hong Kingston’s The Woman Warrior, they might be able to understand a woman’s perspective. Having grown up in conservative China, Maxine too had to go with similar restrictions that we Nepalis woman had to go through. There are so many rules on what to do, how to act and what to become, men never have to think about these things. This book should help open their eyes to the matter. The truth is pretty simple, how society looks and treats women is very different and The Woman Warrior will help men empathize with what we have to go through on a daily basis.
The Palace of Illusions
by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni
Historically, although not too many, there are instances when a woman protests and takes charge, and tries to fend for herself. She tries to speak out and express whatever she is feeling. The story of Draupadi in Mahabharat is no different. In the book called ‘The Palace of Illusions’ by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni, the author has written about how Draupadi, being born in a royal family, married to five husbands, gave them her support and helped them in the battle to win their rights. But the very same woman is also subject to so many criticisms and wrongdoings that it makes ones’ blood boil in anger. We are in a very critical time and Draupadi’s story resonates with the condition of women now. They are trying to break free from the boundaries of the society by being educated, working, and yet, when it comes to relationships and personal experiences, society’s barriers are as strict as before. We should not forget that the society’s rules and regulations were made for its sustainability, and it should always remember to adapt to the changing times. This book might help in that sense.
Conjugial Love
by Emanuel Swedenborg
Unfortunately the only book I have read on genders was written 300 years ago. Emanuel Swedenborg, the Swedish visionary discussed marriage from a spiritual perspective in Conjugial Love. The book talks about how men and women relate to each other in this world and how the choices we make affects our spiritual development. On a personal level, I have actually reached the conclusion that we need meet each individual in the moment. This makes it easier to understand a person’s essence. If women want an insight into the male psyche perhaps reading other male authors will give them some perspective. However books can only help to an extent. Each individual be it a man or a woman is different, if they wish to understand each other, they must make an effort to personally connect with each other in the moment. Conjugial Love will help summarize this idea.
The Masculinity Studies Reader edited
by Rachel Adams and David Savran
A book that I’d like all the women give at least a read is ‘The Masculinity Studies Reader’ edited by Rachel Adams and David Savran. It’s a compilation of essays that sheds light on how the social construction has determined the gender roles. When males are accused of dominating or the society being a male dominated, people often forget that whatever the rules are, it’s all just what the society laid out for males too. Males, too, have social roles that are nothing short of burdens to them. Yet, because they are males, they can’t complain. They are socialized and taught to be aggressive and fit into the roles of high expectations. There are so many things going on and many men suffer from anxiety. But this is mostly ignored. Women should also think more than just complaining or protesting about how oppressed they are. They are taught that they are to be dominated, and they don’t realize this. This damages the relationship of both sexes, because before being a married couple or partners, they have to be friends and this prevents them from experiencing this beautiful relationship. That, I think, is a huge tragedy.
Angela’s Ashes
by Frank McCourt
People often forget that the formula to a healthy and happy relationship is listening to each other. You should always be attentive to what your partner is telling you, whether you agree with that or not. Along with that, you have to be patient. ‘Angela’s Ashes’ by Frank McCourt is one such book that I think people should read to make the men-women relationship stronger. It’s not that this book is a straight out relationship advice book. In fact, this book is based on a true story and is McCourt’s memoir of sorts. It’s based in the early 1930s. Angela McCourt is the author’s hardworking mother, and does her best to keep the family together despite their sorry condition. It’s a testament to the fact that mothers can do anything for the sake of her children and family. It just goes about to show that when it comes to families, women think about everyone, so that no one is left out. But the truth is that men and women think differently, and while that isn’t bad, they should always work to support each other. I think that is the only way how a relationship can be maintained.
