Kaski has now become the first Open Defecation-Free (ODF) district, and as usual, our official ribbon cutter and freeloader, Jhallu Baba, was there to hoist a green flag! Next tyam when we declare “Kathmandu, the Sick City” – it’s already in a coma! – Jhallu can put a big arse band-aid in the middle of Singha Durbar hola ni![break]
ODF sounds very gross. These NGO people do come up with them crazy lingos, hagi? Can’t we just say “No Open Hugging” (NOH) and maybe confuse the kuires as well? We Nepalis will understand it, and hope we’ll see less of them Kuireharuko PDA or Public Display of Arrogance!
Yes, just because you drive around in them blue-plated vehicles doesn’t mean you can park anywhere you want and can hit and run and get away with it. Yes, if it weren’t for you, great bideshi experts, then them so-called upscale restaurants would go out of business.
But please! Be grateful that this is the place where you can save half your salary and get a nice paid home leave when you’re done with living the good life here.
Now, if nature calls in Kaski, you just can’t run to them khet-baaris and look for some jhaar-paat!
You’ll have to use them toilets, which is a good thing! Hope Kaski will also come up with fertilizers and cooking gas from the collection of hug-s!
And let’s all pray to God that someday, someone will hoist the Nepali flag in the middle of Tundikhel and declare it a ‘No Government Programs Zone’ (NGPZ) so that our government will stop wasting our taxpayers’ money by organizing them military parades for every other jatra, and if they really want to see them para gliders, then go to Pokhara, hai!
The Bhoto Jatra is no longer fun. Yes, we get excited to see the “nakkali” Bhoto every year. Isn’t that like watching a Britney Spears impersonator do her thing @ Soaltee, or watching fake WWE superstars in some wrestling arena? I don’t know but we live in a country governed by fake leaders – bunches of frauds, scoundrels and jackasses! So I guess we can deal with everybody faking it, hola ni!
And it’s about tyam all them religious functions stopped having our President or them netas as Chief Guest, kya! Why on earth do we need the President, Prime Monster and the VP in one place and waste our tax payer’s money like that? Aren’t we sick and tired of getting stuck in the traffic so that them new “Kings” of Nepal can drive to their palaces without any let and hindrance?
Why not just @#$%!ing get new helicopters ni? And maybe they can get featured in some bideshi TV shows, like The Lifestyle of the Rich Leeches and Infamous Frauds (RLIF)!
And the gangster from Biratnagar is yet to be found, let alone arrested. KP Oli, the UML neta, is going around town congratulating them thugs. Oli is famous for his “Boli that sounds like a Goli” (Angrezi translation would be “Bark like a Bullet” hola ni!) and hope one day them corrupt clowns and criminals won’t be allowed to play Holi by looting the national coffer.
We have to thank our journalists for their patience as well as creative gift-giving skills!
They have handed handcuffs and a bulb to a CDO (Corrupt District Officer) to protest our Home Minister’s lack of will to prosecute them goons. Yes, our netas think twice kya! Nobody wants to kill the golden goose! Parshuram Basnet has made billions, and he likes to share his loots around, kya!
So what will our “Homie” Minister Mahara do with them handcuffs and a bulb? I don’t know. But maybe our journalists know a thing or two about Mahara’s sex life. Yes, even comrades are kinky, kya, and maybe he can use the cuffs when he’s sleeping with his foreign (Dim Sum) handlers. But what about the bulb?
Well, we might have to ask someone from Norvic Hospital to light it up when Mahara gets his prostate exams and make sure that no listening device has been planted by the foreign (Dosa) agents.
Talking about acronyms, wouldn’t it be fun if our corrupt clowns went with the kya? Like our great Chairman will be known as Prada and he can extort a few points from the Italian fashion house since they now have billions of dollars from their IPO!
But I like Sujata Auntie very much. She’s the only person whose life has changed for the better in the last twenty years.
We can call her SuKo although she probably has made more mohar-s and dollars from the NAC to VoIP to APC scams! It’s better than running a beer garden in Germany and yodeling!
(Guffadi blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com)
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