Is it wrong to want to read through messages of your boyfriend? How do you get rid of the tormenting ‘Is he cheating on me?’ feeling, but what if he really is?
- Axata
Before I answer your question, I should tell you what love means to me. For me love is a prayer. When I love someone, I love like I was praying to God. When God doesn’t give me what I pray for, I pray more. I believe that all I can do is pray. I can’t steal from God, I can’t make Her do something that She doesn’t want to. I know there is no point of going to wars with Her. I surrender to my God and all I do is pray. And I love like I pray. I know love could have a whole different meaning for you. But from where I stand, all I can tell you is love as if it were a prayer. If he chooses and decides to cheat, what can you do? You can curse him, slap him, fight with him and leave him (because no one can make someone come back and love you if s/he doesn’t already). But what if you lose him, not because of his fault, but because of your own fault – of having spent too much time worrying and being suspicious instead of assuring him that you love him, you value him, and you trust him. Stop worrying about losing or possessing. Love is too beautiful to be spent in suspicion. Love like a prayer. Not all your prayers will be answered, but all prayers turn your heart into gold. [break]
Dear Swastika,
I’m a 21-year-old student writing to you in search of some advice on business venture. My mother has saved a small amount of money with which she wants to do something profitable. I want to help her in this as well. However, I’m having trouble thinking of what to invest in and what would really be profitable. When it comes to opening a small-scale business, one that is run by two women who have no experience and little knowledge in the field, what do you suggest would be the best way to go about? Please help.
- Sunita
I have been running a social enterprise for four years now. Before starting this, I had been part of other organizations that I helped co-found. A couple of those earlier enterprises sustained and a couple shut down. For me, entrepreneurship is not a skill; it is a path that one chooses. When you choose a path, you fall and you rise, you fall again and you rise again. I chose to be an entrepreneur because it gives me utmost satisfaction – to feel the rise and even the fall. In fact, I enjoy being an entrepreneur not ‘despite’ the failure but ‘because’ of the failure. I learn and I grow so much when I fail. I feel so alive when I know I’m climbing the rock with everything at stake without any rope tied to my back and that I have no option but to reach to the top. I can’t give you a technical advice on whether or not to invest, where or where not to invest, or how or how not to invest. All I know is that it’s a risk and it can go either way. What I can tell you is that when you start an enterprise, financial sustainability is one big question but it is more about sustaining your own strength, emotion and determination. Ask yourself, is this your path? Will you love it as much when you fall as when you rise?
Dear Swastika,
I’m 20 and I’ve got everything in life except one problem – pimples! There are as many pimples over my face as there are stars on a clear sky. And these pimples ruin everything I’ve got. At times I feel like I have it in me to become a Miss Nepal only if these pimples were gone. I’ve tried every way – consulted dermatologists, used medicines, controlled the intake of oily foods and what not! But these pimples never leave. Everywhere I go, people comment about my pimples and suggest me stuffs, and I really feel bad. I have even started hating to attend social functions due to this. I know how important a person’s outlook is in today’s world. And that’s what I lack. It really lowers my confidence. When I stand with my beautiful friend and somebody praises her beauty and just smiles at me, it hurts and I feel like life with pimples sucks. How can I be happy even with pimples?
- Aastha
As I was reading your question, I started getting nervous because I know nothing about getting rid of pimples. But by the end of the question, when you asked me how you could be happy, I thought – Yes! Now, being happy is something that I know about. We live our lives dreading what we don’t like and craving for things that we like. But happiness is somewhere in between, where we are neither dreading nor craving. Both hatred and love are a kind of attachment. Your hatred for the pimples and the intense desire to get rid of it keeps you “attached” with the pimples and they refuse to leave. You keep thinking about pimples and it starts to think you love it, and it stays (smiles). Take care of your skin and give it the attention it needs without becoming emotionally invested in it as if your life and happiness depends on it. If you stop giving it your attention and emotions, it will eventually understand you don’t love it. Till then, focus on happiness and not on pimples. Divert all your energy to something that you are really good at and completely dive into that thing. One day, your pimples will disappear and you won’t even notice. Remember, whatever you focus all your thoughts and energy in is what you are going to be left with.
Dear Swastika,
I’m an introvert and I really hate being one. Because I know that extroverts get along with life so easily. I want to be frank and carefree and talk to people without hesitating a bit, not take life so seriously… what can I do to achieve all these? I’ve tried acting like one, but terribly failed at it. Please help me. Please. I don’t want to ruin myself with my unexpressed emotions!
- Grace
Accept who you are. We are all running towards a better self. But the problem with running is that life then becomes this constant run on a treadmill – you can never run too far from who you don’t want to be or too close to who you want to be. Stop for a minute! You are OK the way you are!! Majority of people in this world are introverts. Being introvert just means that your thoughts and energy are drawn inwards as for extrovert it is outwards. So being introvert is not a problem in itself. The problem is that you haven’t been able to figure out a way to express and deal with your emotions. You feel insecure about yourself when you are talking to people and can’t fully be yourself. The root cause behind the problem you are facing is that (in your own words) you hate who you are. You haven’t allowed yourself to fall in love with who you really are. So, list down 100 things that you like about yourself. The day you can truthfully complete that list, all your hesitation, unexpressed emotions, and seriousness will begin to disappear. Hating is never a solution to changing the world or changing oneself. Everything in this world is born out of love, and the new self you want to be also has to be born out of love for yourself.
Swastika Shrestha is the founder of Anuvuti – a social enterprise that engages young people in service-learning. She has been coaching and mentoring young people in different capacities for over a decade.
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