I can't tell exactly when the solution to Nepal's current crisis struck me, whether it was between the fifth and six glass of beer or between the fourth and fifth peg of whisky. But when the solution did hit, I knew immediately that everything would be all right.
The solution, I told my buddies as another round of drinks were being poured, was this: "We should make the President of India the honorary king (or queen) of Nepal."The power of the solution lies in its out-of-the-box simplicity. It requires only minimal changes to the constitution but the impact would be immense. In one stroke, it would solve all the problems that ever existed and could ever arise. Such was the power of the solution.
"So hear me out, buddies," I said. There was silence after a hard thumping of glasses on the table. Another round of drinks had been drained.
First, I began, Prime Minister Modi may be on the global stage claiming that the "21st century belongs to India" but his mind is really—and I do mean really—on Nepal. Even though all of the 21st century would "belong" to India, he's clearly afraid that Nepal won't "belong" to him.
Now, imagine if the President of India were to be made the honorary king (or queen) of Nepal! Prime Minister Modi then wouldn't have to spend his time anxiously worrying about whether or not Nepal belonged to him.
While on the world stage, he could then spend his time really just thinking about the world. After all, a country like India to whom the 21st century belongs shouldn't have to spend its time distracted by what's happening in Nepal. With the Indian President as the honorary king (or queen) of Nepal, India can focus solely on taking possession of the 21st century.
"What a great solution," one of my buddies remarked. We drank another round to a great solution.
Second, I continued, Madheshis feel that political leaders of the main parties have reneged on their commitments; they claim that the constitution offers them little protection from continued subjugation by the hill people. Their claims may be reasonable. But their very legitimate concerns are impossible to address through the constitution alone. So, instead of descending into a stalemate, what we need, friends, is a diversion strategy.
Now, imagine if the President of India were to be made the honorary king (or queen) of Nepal. This would mean much more than having a token Nepali President or Vice-President of Madheshi origin—it would be like God himself (or herself) were descending on earth in the likeness of a Madheshi. This wouldn't really address the very legitimate concerns of Madheshis. But then, I don't think that Madheshi leaders are themselves clear on what they want. On the other hand, the President of India as the honorary king (or queen) would allow them to claim a glorious victory.
"The magic of this solution is too good," another of my buddies said. We drank another round to the magical solution.
Third, I continued, another critical issue has been re-establishing the monarchy and not being a secular country. The President of India as the honorary king (or queen) of Nepal would bring back the monarchy without Nepal actually being a monarchy. Nepal's honorary king (or queen) would reside in the Rashtrapati Bhavan (Presidential Palace) in New Delhi. For Nepalis, it will be like having a monarch without actually having one.
It would be a slightly unusual monarchy but not unprecedented. In Canada and Australia, for instance, the Queen of England still serves as the monarch and she doesn't live there either. Surely if they can do it, why can't we?
More importantly, the President of India as honorary king (or queen) of Nepal would solve the problem of secular versus non-secular in a single stroke. This is how it could work. India is a secular state. Its President can be of any religion. By virtue of him (or her) being the king (or queen), Nepal will simply adopt the religion of the President. If India elects a Hindu President, we will be a Hindu state; if they elect a Muslim President, we will be a Muslim state; if they elect a Buddhist President, we will be a Buddhist state; and so on.
This would make Nepal both a monarchy and non-monarchy, secular and non-secular country all at the same time—thus, harmoniously closing one of the most contentious debates once and for all.
"Spectacular! We've solved Nepal's crisis," a buddy said and offered a toast to a new, peaceful and prosperous (honorary) kingdom. We drank some more and passed out later that night.
I woke the next morning with a throbbing headache. The solution we had cheered on was fresh in my mind and it took me a while to realize that the headache was not from thinking hard about a brilliant solution—it was from excessive drinking.
As the headache cleared and the hangover lifted, I realized that the proposition of having the President of India as the honorary king (or queen) of Nepal was an absurd idea. But absurd as it may be, the absurdity of what is currently unfolding in Nepal is far worse than the absurdity of having the President of India as the honorary king (or queen) of Nepal.
This political crisis is nothing more than our imagination—a degeneration of our own minds as we fail to come to terms with the challenges of a new country.
It is absurd to imagine India is sanctioning and directing this blockade.
It is absurd to imagine that Madheshis don't have a legitimate claim.
It is absurd to imagine that our political leadership doesn't have the country's overall interest at heart.
Every country needs a Gandhi in its moment of despair and awakening—an enlightened soul who will go on a hunger strike demanding harmony and get common sense to prevail. Who will be Nepal's Gandhi?
As Nepal descends into one of her darkest hours, not a single political leader has stepped forward to offer a message of peace, unity and hope. Not a single civilian leader has stepped forward to lead a movement for peace, unity and hope. No one from the Indian establishment has stepped forward to offer support for peace, unity and hope. Not one religious leader has offered a sermon of peace, unity and hope.
That leaves only you and me. It is now entirely up to us. Essence of Nepal cannot be simply summarized on a piece of paper called the constitution. Surely, what brings us together is not a constitution, but that we have something more certain: an essence of Nepal.
We have to reach deeper into our essence of what it means to be Nepalis. We have to pull together and pull through—each one of us individually—as the institutions around us collapse.
All of us have to be Nepal's Gandhi, even if we drink a little too much once a while.
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