The fault in our norms and mindsets
“Oops! ain’t you ashamed to get afraid being a man? Can’t you keep your wife in control being a man? A girl should stay in position of girl, no matter how literate you are. You are a girl and you don’t know how to cook? Decent girls don't roam outside late”. These are some of very familiar, often resonating phrases across our every society, we have been up brought with. Every morning, we wake up to read the frustrating headlines of different forms of violence against women. It is being more endemic irrespective of age, class, race, religious and cultural boundaries and modernization all over the world. Though statistics shows increment in female literacy and independency rates each passing year, it is unpredictable up to where this era will continue with women to be mentally and physically taunted and burnt alive, to get gang raped, traumatized with an acid attack, girls to be raped by their own grandfather, father, brothers and very young girls to get died in their wedding night due to sex abuse by their husbands. With creation of new forms of women violence and its epidemic nature, it has rented the whole world with a terror turning it out to be insecure place for women to live with freedom.
In case of Nepal, women suffer mostly rape, abuse for inadequate dowry, child sex abuse, murder in name of witchcraft, burning alive, acid attack and several other forms of domestic violence that make headlines of the news almost every day with society getting more malicious for women. How can we expect the rest to be safe when women are not safe even in their own home? These sort of violence sparks debate all over the media, social medias, we get on the streets, protest against government for few days in hope of justice, demand punishment to the culprits, our protest gets on deaf ears, and we end up getting frustrated with the decision of government. And to some extent, we think that we did enough putting all blame on government. But, have we really played our role enough?
And it should be a big No. we have not for sure. Time has called us to play our roles from each level. As a citizen, foremost we need to keep our eyes on and get aware of what’s happening in our society via articles, essays, research papers, books, news, movies that speak about the gender inequality, violence and make unawares aware. It’s time to drill ourselves with several questions over the issues of violence against women and have a profound analysis. Why is it being endemic in our society and all over the world? Why men are this much fond of harming women? Where have we actually gone wrong? If rape is justified for provocative attires and attitude of girls then why even four years old baby girl is not safe from rape? Why a father dares to rape even his own daughter? What is the key thing that has instilled the monstrosity in men? What role can be played from different levels of our society to create a better world to live in? Really, it’s urgent to have introspection on our own attitudes and behaviors and to seek for more profound solutions delving into depth of this serious problem deep rooted from time immemorial.
Violence against women is not a minor problem created by disorder with just few fathers, brothers or friends but is a serious social problem nurtured by our socio-cultural, religious and gender norms full of faults. Culprits are not aliens from another planet but our own brothers, uncles, fathers, grandfathers and friends. It is ultimate outcome of traditional stereotypic mindsets that we have forged upbringing every child in our gendered practices and erroneous beliefs. These mindsets, men’s adherence to possession, sexist and patriarchal attitudes developed by our norms and values have shaped the violence supportive attitude and attributes of men culminating in perpetrating violence against women. Male’s aggression and willingness for possession are accepted as masculine traits. While, the concept over female has been set up as a commodity, a sensual mass of body parts like navel, curve, breast, long hair that need to be beautiful. This is the vital fault in our concept that has indirectly but vigorously encouraged forms of violence against women. We have been raising our sons directing them to get instilled with bossy and dominating nature, guiding them not to lose. But, we have been raising our girls setting more restrictions rather than guiding them to be bold, courageous and defensive. If men are more malicious to females then isn’t it girls who need to get encouraged to be more bold and daring than even boys since their childhood? Instead, we are nurturing our kids with sexist phrase like ‘are not you ashamed to get afraid being a man?” So what? Girls are to be timid and cowardly then? Doesn’t it set the concept that males are to be dominating and bold but girls to be timid and submissive in those growing minds of kids instilling overconfidence in boys and lack of confidence in girls? So, it’s urgent to fathom into depth of our practices and norms, what we are raising our kids with .How are boys learning the rules of manhood, what they learn, what it is to be man; to be always dominating and imperious gender or perceiving and supporting women as equal human beings? We have not cared enough to focus our sons to direct them on real way to treat girls being busy urging our daughters to get back home earlier, putting much restrictions, a long list of dos and don’ts and setting several standards for modesty .We need to deviate the prevailing definitions of manhood and modesty of girls creating environment where girls get raised learning to be bold, confident and defensive, not a secondary gender. Statistics says, about 96% of rape cases happen inside the four walls of house and its just 4% that is publicized. Though strict punishment obviously deters the violence to some extent, it's not something that can put effect on those 96%. So, we should commence to be the change from subtle matter for individual and social transformation.
One of the strong faults that lies in our mindset is understanding violence against women as a women issue. So, large number of men has been discarding the issue. As, it’s men to perpetrate largely the violence like sexual assault, harassment , child sex abuse, relationship abuse ,it’s men’s issue first, then of women. Women are tortured with perils of men’s violence every single day and how can it be fair to put the burden on just women’s shoulders taking it as women’s issue while it is largely men to perpetrate it? If we really want to make its elimination campaign effective, involvement of men and boys is must.
As a man, he should personally avoid violence against women first and foremost. Then, men seriously need to do something more than just being silent bystanders of violence and be perpetuators. We can’t agree more with “World suffers a lot not because of violence of bad people but because of silence of good people” coined by Napoleon. They should intervene instantly to save a victim. It’s time for men/boys to have introspection. Can you remember yourself even a single moment interrupting a sexist or violence supporting comment, jokes and language, interrupting your friend or stand against him when he abuses his girl, speaking out for or on side of girls outside facebook and twitter when she is harassed or dominated? Almost all men/boys end up just recalling themselves laughing and joking along with them without claiming its not funny, recalling themselves staying silent to spare their friendship, recalling being silent with the fear of getting your manhood or gender into question. Isn’t it? So, society needs more number of bold men who have guts to stand against and challenge the violence of other men upon women. It’s time to show the guts that they have been brought up with lesson to have it for their so called manhood. They should play role in organizing group of men/boys in school, community or workplace to commence change; to eliminate violence against women.
It is not my fault!
In same way, women need to get stronger and self defensive. If women themselves don't rise to fight for their right and justice, no-one is going to handover it to them. Prior to all, women should spare love, respect, support and faith for women themselves rather than getting involved and supporting men in violence themselves. If a woman awakens to stand against the violence upon another woman at least in her own family, instead of being foe of her, prevention of violence will be much easier for sure. As silence of women highly influences the men's attitude to commit violence, they need to defend it, stand against it instantly and make a noise against it at top of their voice, so that it discourages the perpetrators and deter violence to some extent They should be aware on use of safety tools to defend culprits in need. The aware and empowered women should play their role in empowerment of backward women and increment in their independency and literary rates.
Media, powerful entity ever can play crucial role in prevention of women violence offering number of opportunities to raise awareness on violence against women, helping them stay safe, and inspiring people to engage in social activism. No any media should justify, sanitize or normalize the violence cases or support the victim blaming culture. It should formulate several programs giving opportunities of their air time to the organizations working against the violence to raise awareness and concerns among the people regarding the issue. Giving space for the revolutionary and transformative articles and programs on regular basis, it should focus on promoting songs, music videos, advertisements etc that encourages women to get empowered, to stand against the violence and that can change the stereotypic perspective of people regarding the gender issues ,manhood and sexuality.
As NGOs withdraw large fraction of support and assistance from members of several other communities, they have power to make much difference in society; can play effective role on elimination of violence against women. They can assist and encourage women incapable of letting their voices heard, with the advices on presentation of claims so that the violence cases swept under our carpet can get flashed out. They should impose pressure on government by discovering the flaws and causes of the cases and making them public and awaken the people to stand for the protest. Letter writing campaigns regarding the laws, policies amendment, ideas and several other issues on women violence, street plays and demonstrations on women violence with transformative messages should be the matters to get focused on. They should have more profound study on the problems or causes of women violence in specific communities and set the programs according to it. NGOs when actively work in coordination with the people and government, the influence will be more intense for sure.
The way present government is in settlement and management of issues of women violence is quiet frustrating. According to annual report of court of jurisdiction, among 2234 number of rape cases registered in district courts of Nepal in 2070/2071, only 885 culprits of 763 cases (34%) were imposed with punishment, 956 cases not worked out till now and 515 got exonerated . In puja bohara rape case from baitadi, apellate cour,t mahendranagar just flipped the announcement of district court which was on imposing 13 years imprisonment and Rs, 50,000 fine and set the culprits free announcing him as guiltless. So, this is the way our government and our law enactment is. For government cases not being worked out in time or taken seriously, and in lack of female friendly lawyers office and court, victims are getting discouraged to reach court for justice leaving many cases of violence just lurked unreported that encourages men more for violence. The government officials should sincerely work on cases being female friendly hiring certain number of female as lawyers and other staffs and being on a side of justice with a motive to pay strict retribution to the culprits so that it can deter violence discouraging men to go for it.
Realization has to be made, the violence against women being endemic everyday is cause for alarm that human being losing the moral standards of its race, unlike others, may culminate in much barbaric and malicious species of world to harm their own race. So, without letting our hopes get dampened, it's time to expand our horizon of thinking, to come out of our shells, to move against the grains of stereotypical norms and mindsets, to be the change ourselves and to make a difference rather than just barking up the wrong tree. Though social transformation is easier said than done, if we try to make all-out-effort from our level, with the rate of violence against women getting dropped, one day, a safer world for women will no more be a dream.
The fault in our norms and mindsets
“Oops! ain’t you ashamed to get afraid being a man? Can’t you keep your wife in control being a man? A girl should stay in position of girl, no matter how literate you are. You are a girl and you don’t know how to cook? Decent girls don't roam outside late”. These are some of very familiar, often resonating phrases across our every society, we have been up brought with. Every morning, we wake up to read the frustrating headlines of different forms of violence against women. It is being more endemic irrespective of age, class, race, religious and cultural boundaries and modernization all over the world. Though statistics shows increment in female literacy and independency rates each passing year, it is unpredictable up to where this era will continue with women to be mentally and physically taunted and burnt alive, to get gang raped, traumatized with an acid attack, girls to be raped by their own grandfather, father, brothers and very young girls to get died in their wedding night due to sex abuse by their husbands. With creation of new forms of women violence and its epidemic nature, it has rented the whole world with a terror turning it out to be insecure place for women to live with freedom.
In case of Nepal, women suffer mostly rape, abuse for inadequate dowry, child sex abuse, murder in name of witchcraft, burning alive, acid attack and several other forms of domestic violence that make headlines of the news almost every day with society getting more malicious for women. How can we expect the rest to be safe when women are not safe even in their own home? These sort of violence sparks debate all over the media, social medias, we get on the streets, protest against government for few days in hope of justice, demand punishment to the culprits, our protest gets on deaf ears, and we end up getting frustrated with the decision of government. And to some extent, we think that we did enough putting all blame on government. But, have we really played our role enough?
And it should be a big No. we have not for sure. Time has called us to play our roles from each level. As a citizen, foremost we need to keep our eyes on and get aware of what’s happening in our society via articles, essays, research papers, books, news, movies that speak about the gender inequality, violence and make unawares aware. It’s time to drill ourselves with several questions over the issues of violence against women and have a profound analysis. Why is it being endemic in our society and all over the world? Why men are this much fond of harming women? Where have we actually gone wrong? If rape is justified for provocative attires and attitude of girls then why even four years old baby girl is not safe from rape? Why a father dares to rape even his own daughter? What is the key thing that has instilled the monstrosity in men? What role can be played from different levels of our society to create a better world to live in? Really, it’s urgent to have introspection on our own attitudes and behaviors and to seek for more profound solutions delving into depth of this serious problem deep rooted from time immemorial.
Violence against women is not a minor problem created by disorder with just few fathers, brothers or friends but is a serious social problem nurtured by our socio-cultural, religious and gender norms full of faults. Culprits are not aliens from another planet but our own brothers, uncles, fathers, grandfathers and friends. It is ultimate outcome of traditional stereotypic mindsets that we have forged upbringing every child in our gendered practices and erroneous beliefs. These mindsets, men’s adherence to possession, sexist and patriarchal attitudes developed by our norms and values have shaped the violence supportive attitude and attributes of men culminating in perpetrating violence against women. Male’s aggression and willingness for possession are accepted as masculine traits. While, the concept over female has been set up as a commodity, a sensual mass of body parts like navel, curve, breast, long hair that need to be beautiful. This is the vital fault in our concept that has indirectly but vigorously encouraged forms of violence against women. We have been raising our sons directing them to get instilled with bossy and dominating nature, guiding them not to lose. But, we have been raising our girls setting more restrictions rather than guiding them to be bold, courageous and defensive. If men are more malicious to females then isn’t it girls who need to get encouraged to be more bold and daring than even boys since their childhood? Instead, we are nurturing our kids with sexist phrase like ‘are not you ashamed to get afraid being a man?” So what? Girls are to be timid and cowardly then? Doesn’t it set the concept that males are to be dominating and bold but girls to be timid and submissive in those growing minds of kids instilling overconfidence in boys and lack of confidence in girls? So, it’s urgent to fathom into depth of our practices and norms, what we are raising our kids with .How are boys learning the rules of manhood, what they learn, what it is to be man; to be always dominating and imperious gender or perceiving and supporting women as equal human beings? We have not cared enough to focus our sons to direct them on real way to treat girls being busy urging our daughters to get back home earlier, putting much restrictions, a long list of dos and don’ts and setting several standards for modesty .We need to deviate the prevailing definitions of manhood and modesty of girls creating environment where girls get raised learning to be bold, confident and defensive, not a secondary gender. Statistics says, about 96% of rape cases happen inside the four walls of house and its just 4% that is publicized. Though strict punishment obviously deters the violence to some extent, it's not something that can put effect on those 96%. So, we should commence to be the change from subtle matter for individual and social transformation.
One of the strong faults that lies in our mindset is understanding violence against women as a women issue. So, large number of men has been discarding the issue. As, it’s men to perpetrate largely the violence like sexual assault, harassment , child sex abuse, relationship abuse ,it’s men’s issue first, then of women. Women are tortured with perils of men’s violence every single day and how can it be fair to put the burden on just women’s shoulders taking it as women’s issue while it is largely men to perpetrate it? If we really want to make its elimination campaign effective, involvement of men and boys is must.
As a man, he should personally avoid violence against women first and foremost. Then, men seriously need to do something more than just being silent bystanders of violence and be perpetuators. We can’t agree more with “World suffers a lot not because of violence of bad people but because of silence of good people” coined by Napoleon. They should intervene instantly to save a victim. It’s time for men/boys to have introspection. Can you remember yourself even a single moment interrupting a sexist or violence supporting comment, jokes and language, interrupting your friend or stand against him when he abuses his girl, speaking out for or on side of girls outside facebook and twitter when she is harassed or dominated? Almost all men/boys end up just recalling themselves laughing and joking along with them without claiming its not funny, recalling themselves staying silent to spare their friendship, recalling being silent with the fear of getting your manhood or gender into question. Isn’t it? So, society needs more number of bold men who have guts to stand against and challenge the violence of other men upon women. It’s time to show the guts that they have been brought up with lesson to have it for their so called manhood. They should play role in organizing group of men/boys in school, community or workplace to commence change; to eliminate violence against women.
In same way, women need to get stronger and self defensive. If women themselves don't rise to fight for their right and justice, no-one is going to handover it to them. Prior to all, women should spare love, respect, support and faith for women themselves rather than getting involved and supporting men in violence themselves. If a woman awakens to stand against the violence upon another woman at least in her own family, instead of being foe of her, prevention of violence will be much easier for sure. As silence of women highly influences the men's attitude to commit violence, they need to defend it, stand against it instantly and make a noise against it at top of their voice, so that it discourages the perpetrators and deter violence to some extent They should be aware on use of safety tools to defend culprits in need. The aware and empowered women should play their role in empowerment of backward women and increment in their independency and literary rates.
Media, powerful entity ever can play crucial role in prevention of women violence offering number of opportunities to raise awareness on violence against women, helping them stay safe, and inspiring people to engage in social activism. No any media should justify, sanitize or normalize the violence cases or support the victim blaming culture. It should formulate several programs giving opportunities of their air time to the organizations working against the violence to raise awareness and concerns among the people regarding the issue. Giving space for the revolutionary and transformative articles and programs on regular basis, it should focus on promoting songs, music videos, advertisements etc that encourages women to get empowered, to stand against the violence and that can change the stereotypic perspective of people regarding the gender issues ,manhood and sexuality.
As NGOs withdraw large fraction of support and assistance from members of several other communities, they have power to make much difference in society; can play effective role on elimination of violence against women. They can assist and encourage women incapable of letting their voices heard, with the advices on presentation of claims so that the violence cases swept under our carpet can get flashed out. They should impose pressure on government by discovering the flaws and causes of the cases and making them public and awaken the people to stand for the protest. Letter writing campaigns regarding the laws, policies amendment, ideas and several other issues on women violence, street plays and demonstrations on women violence with transformative messages should be the matters to get focused on. They should have more profound study on the problems or causes of women violence in specific communities and set the programs according to it. NGOs when actively work in coordination with the people and government, the influence will be more intense for sure.
The way present government is in settlement and management of issues of women violence is quiet frustrating. According to annual report of court of jurisdiction, among 2234 number of rape cases registered in district courts of Nepal in 2070/2071, only 885 culprits of 763 cases (34%) were imposed with punishment, 956 cases not worked out till now and 515 got exonerated . In puja bohara rape case from baitadi, apellate cour,t mahendranagar just flipped the announcement of district court which was on imposing 13 years imprisonment and Rs, 50,000 fine and set the culprits free announcing him as guiltless. So, this is the way our government and our law enactment is. For government cases not being worked out in time or taken seriously, and in lack of female friendly lawyers office and court, victims are getting discouraged to reach court for justice leaving many cases of violence just lurked unreported that encourages men more for violence. The government officials should sincerely work on cases being female friendly hiring certain number of female as lawyers and other staffs and being on a side of justice with a motive to pay strict retribution to the culprits so that it can deter violence discouraging men to go for it.
Realization has to be made, the violence against women being endemic everyday is cause for alarm that human being losing the moral standards of its race, unlike others, may culminate in much barbaric and malicious species of world to harm their own race. So, without letting our hopes get dampened, it's time to expand our horizon of thinking, to come out of our shells, to move against the grains of stereotypical norms and mindsets, to be the change ourselves and to make a difference rather than just barking up the wrong tree. Though social transformation is easier said than done, if we try to make all-out-effort from our level, with the rate of violence against women getting dropped, one day, a safer world for women will no more be a dream.
