I've always been a big worrier and that is usually what stops me from pursuing my dreams. I usually weigh in the list of pros and cons while considering what I should do next. The cons always keep me occupied for a long time and I fail to make a move. This time I'm planning something big for my life but as usual I'm stuck with negative and scary thoughts of the plan backfiring on me or landing me in trouble. I really want this to work out. Can you help me get over this negative thinking?
- RK
Maybe the problem is not that you seem to spend excessive time thinking about the pros or cons. Rather, the problem could be that most often you are planning for "something big." I remember, a few years ago, a group of us were at The Last Resort. I was the one who riled up my friends to go bungee. Since most of them were lighter in weight, they went first and I watched all of them jump one after the other. My turn was second to the last one on the line. My entire team stood by the side of the bridge to see me take the flight. I was determined to do it. They hooked me up and I stood all the way on the edge of the suspension bridge. I looked down and realized how deep the gorge was. I looked at my friends. There stood people who believed that I could do anything that I set my mind to. I had started a lot of ventures; I had managed difficult situations, and worked my way around some really difficult people. But then, I withdrew my steps; I couldn't take that leap. My body simply refused. For the first time I felt the clear distinction between my brain and my body. My brain wanted the thrill, but my body was just sad. As I sat around my friends grieving and sharing their experiences, I realized that each one of them was used to physical adventures. They had at least been on a roller coaster. I, on the other hand, have always been terrified to even be on those huge swings they put up in Dashain. Since class eight, somehow, I had managed to avoid anything that involved physical risk.
That day I realized that "practice" is more important than mere "courage." What it takes in life is not just the courage to walk up to the very edge of the platform, but the practice of having taken smaller jumps. My advice for you is to start small. What you need in life to succeed is not just a big foolproof plan. You need small successes and small failures to prepare yourself for gradual growth. Small things strengthen your heart for big things. In undertaking any venture, you need a clear plan, but a leap to success takes a stronger heart.
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Dear Swastika,
How can I tell my parents that they discriminate between my brother and me without actually hurting them? I really hate this inequality. They constantly say we're both equal for them, but clearly have separate rules for the two of us. This is driving me insane.
- Sush
I don't know if there is anyway we can challenge our parents' values, and way of thinking and acting without hurting their feelings, if hurting their feeling is what you are worried about. When it comes to raising children, I think what parents refer to are their own values and the values of the society that we live in. Values are so deeply entrenched in people's psyche that it is bound to cause unrest and emotional turmoil when challenged. Thus, I think you should speak out your feeling in the way you know how.
My relationship with my parents was led by my belief that they are neither God nor Devil. They are not someone I should expect to be perfect beings—fair, supreme knower and right all the time. They are not Devils either. They do not operate with the idea that the sole purpose of their life is to torture us. They are humans, dwelling in this world, trying and failing at times and succeeding at some, seeking knowledge, learning, and struggling to understand. As a fellow human, I made it my point to know that my job was to make sure that I educate them while they educate me, that I help their journey to enlightenment as I carve my own. Talk to your parents the way you know how but do it by acknowledging that they are human, so that they can understand you better, understand the changing cultures and values better. It is your duty to educate them and allow yourself to be educated by them. Parenting is a two-way street.
‘Awareness among people on heart diseases has improved in Nepal...
Swastika Shrestha is the co-founder and head of training and support at Teach for Nepal. She has several years of experience training and mentoring youth leaders. She can be reached at swastika@teachfornepal.org.
