A sleek car drives by, leaving a cloud of dust in its wake. Old Baneshwor is just waking up as a pale sun peeks sleepily from behind the clouds. At a small roadside teashop, tea brews in a kettle. The counter is full of bread, doughnuts, milk, eggs, utensils, aaloo matar, chana and chiura.
Anandi, 38, smiles with a twinkle in her kohl-laden eyes, “Do you take sugar in your tea?”[break]
This has been her daily routine for the past twenty years ever since she got married. Theirs was an inter-caste marriage. Back then, caste system was an extremely rigid social norm. Caste-based hierarchy was at its peak. If someone fell in love outside one’s own caste, it would bring disgrace to the whole family. Since she was a Rai and her husband a Newar, their marriage was automatically considered a taboo by the society. “So we had to elope from Dhankuta and came to Kathmandu,” she reminisces.
Photo: Bhaswor Ojha
She remembers herself as a starry-eyed young bride of eighteen when she first came to the capital. Dreams were all that the young couple had. Her husband borrowed some money from friends to start their first business – a small teashop. Since there were no elders around to tell them what to do, they had a tricky relationship with money. They never made much. And they did not save much, either.
“We were both so young,” she reveals as she chops some onions. “We had never been on our own before. We spent a lot on entertainment, especially on movies.”
Their only child, a son, was born a year later. Suddenly, the center of her universe shifted. Everyday, she woke up and worked a little harder to make his life a little better.
Sometimes, while doing dishes at the teashop and cooking supper for the customers, her mind wandered back to her past. Youth had crept in even before the carefree days of childhood were over. She had tied the knot just after SLC. She had always been sharp in studies. She had always wanted to acquire higher education. But once the baby was born, any thought of continuing with school vanished from her mind. As her priorities changed, instead of becoming a teacher as she had always dreamt of, she decided to become a homemaker and a mother.
With nobody to help her with the baby, the first few years were extremely difficult. A young mother in a strange city who had married against the wishes of her family was a difficult position to be in. But her husband was her rock. They decided not to have a second baby and give the one that they already had the best they could.
Fortunately, their bundle of joy turned out to be a bright one. He never stood second in the class. By the time he passed high school with flying colors, he was already fulfilling some of those ambitions that had once visited his mother’s heart.
Working at the teashop day after day, all she cared for was her son’s career and success. However, the couple shared mixed feelings when their son decided to join Chartered Accountancy course. It is known to be one of the toughest in the world of academics. Although she might not understand the things written in the bulky books, she perfectly understood that her son had chosen a difficult path for himself. It was then that she bequeathed all her prayers to him.
However, she also realizes that it can be challenging to play the roles of a mother and a wife at the same time. Whatever little squabbles the couple has, happen over their son. Both want the best for him. But at times, their approaches turn out to be different.
“Chhora is doing such an amazing job,” she says, her face glowing with fondness and pride. “But his father thinks I’m too lenient with him. I say, aren’t all mothers exactly the same?”
Her happiness is completely associated with her son’s, and for that reason; she is not really concerned regarding the caste of the girl that he would choose to marry. This very discrimination was what made them leave their home all those years ago. Things are now in a state of gradual progress. She is warmly welcomed back home by her in-laws.
Nevertheless, she still holds those memories of being alone and abandoned close to her heart. That being said, despite the financial difficulties and other hardships, she has never regretted her marriage. “Caste is nothing,” she laughs, her eyes crinkling, “We fight; we get furious with each other and don’t speak for days. But in the end, we’re still a family. And that is all that matters.”
Her life has been a multihued canvas of bittersweet moments. She is clad in a simple kurta. Her long curly hair is piled up in a bun. She removes a stray lock of hair from her face and finishes peeling the potatoes. Her husband comes in and starts kneading the flour. Although he has recently started to work as a security guard at the UMN (United Mission to Nepal), he always helps her at the teashop whenever he is free. She hurries off to light the stove and get the oil nicely heated for the samosas. They steal smiles at each other as they work.
The couple does not have any big plans for the future. However, Anandi now has a new dream. She wishes to save a little money and buy some land. She wants to build a small house where she can welcome her son and husband home after a long day of work.
“You had nothing with you when you were born. You don’t take anything with you when you die,” she wipes the table and collects the glasses. “But you have to leave some things behind for your children. Love and property. What is life without a little bit of both?”
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