Dear Sadichha,
I am a 16-year-old school girl from Kathmandu. My mother passed away about two years ago and my father eventually got married to another woman who is my step mother now. Before marriage, she seemed kind and loving to me but when she got married to my father, she no longer loved me the way she used to. I miss my mother very much and I don’t feel like complaining to my father as he remains at work the entire day and comes home getting tired. I don’t know how I should deal with all these things at home. I feel like running away. Please help!
Our mothers will always be irreplaceable. However, there can be other mother-like figures in our lives. I feel like as a 16-year-old you can talk to your step mother and ask if there is anything wrong or if there is anything that is bothering her. When you also start treating her like your mother maybe then she will also keep her guard down. Our society has a very negative notion of step-relations and doesn’t always look at it under positive light. So, I suggest you to be free from any prejudice and instead of assuming, you should communicate. Maybe she is also finding it difficult to adjust in the family and take up these new roles. You don’t need to complain to your father, communicate instead. You are a family now and families can solve any sort of problems they face, if they face it together. Don’t think about running away from home. It will not solve any problems instead it will get things worse. Find a good time to talk to her and I am sure you will be able to find a solution and make the bond stronger.
Dear Sadichha,
I am a 37-year-old mother of a teenage daughter. I had many complications in my pregnancy and thus we are only gifted with a single child. Both of us are quite careful and cautious about her which sometimes make us strict parents. Our daughter wants to live her life freely as some of her friends do and at times we allow her to do it. But whenever we restrict her the next time from going to places, she gets mad, doesn’t talk to us and gets disturbed for quite many days. We have started feeling uncomfortable with such behavior on the rise. Kindly let meknow, if we need to do something to make her feel better.
Teenage is a difficult time for both the parents and the child. As a teenager, your daughter is trying to find her identify by comparing herself and her life with her friends. She finds that she doesn’t have as much freedom as compared to her friends. She doesn’t know the right reasons but just assumes the two of you on being strict parents. So, I suggest you to tell her the reason why you become strict. I like how you have written and explained to me the reason you are worried as she is your only child. Tell her those things but do not restrict her from going out or being with friends. Make rules like her being back home by a certain time or being truthful where and with whom is she going out with or maintaining her grades etc. I am 26 years old and I get home by 10 pm, not because my parents have restricted me from going out but because I realize that they will not sleep and be worried about me until I get home. Your daughter will also understand the same in due time, but as a teenager I was also upset about my parents never letting me stay out till late like my friends’ parents would. So, give her a bit of freedom too but make sure she respects the rules you make as well.
Heart To Heart with Sadichha: Learn to face the problem head-on
Dear Sadichha,
I am 26-year-old guy studying fashion designing in one of the reputed colleges in Kathmandu. I have been performing immensely good in my studies and also doing great designing works. I am highly ambitious and like to dream big. Every day I imagine myself designing designer wears for top celebrities across the globe and owning the biggest fashion house. I work hard and if I don’t get the sought outcomes sometimes I just can’t take it or handle suchsituation. That feeling is so fearful sometimes. But how do I cope with it?
It’s ok to be ambitious but it’s even more important to realize that it is ok, if you fail. Patience is as much if not more important than hard work sometimes. Don’t be too hard on yourself, if you don’t succeed at times or don’t get the desired output. Dust yourself up and work toward your life’s goal. However, while you are working toward the goal remember to enjoy the journey. You achieving your goal will mean nothing, if you don’t enjoy the journey. Take life one step at a time, focus on your overall growth and well-being. Excel at work but also maintain family and social relations. Remember to live life and cherish the small victories and learn from the mistakes. Don’t fear failure.
Dear Sadichha,
I am 22-year-old guy. I like travelling and photography so I want to explore that field but my parents want me to start a business or study subjects that have good scope and nice job prospects. They have a burden of a little amount of loan upon themselves and I feel quite pressurized due to it. They are willing to take another loan, if I study whatever they want me to. But they are against me, if I am living my life on my own choices. Please tell me what do I do?
If you keep them in your shoes then you will realize that they are not entirely wrong, they just want their son to be independent and financially strong. You are just 22, don’t worry about the loan and make the wrong decision. You like travelling, who doesn’t? How will that help you in the future? Have you thought about how you will make it a business? If you are interested in photography ask yourself the difficult questions- Do you just like it because it is somewhat a trend now? Or do you have the skills? Do you want to learn the skills for being a professional photographer? And remember that this profession is not cheap- the equipment, the camera, the lights are expensive! You really have to be passionate about it to get into it seriously. So, do a soul search and lay down the options you have. You can still pursue travelling and photography as your hobbies while you are studying something else, if you want. So, explore that option too.
