COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY TO TRUST

Dear Malvika,
I am a 22-year-old girl in a relationship with a guy who is a year older than me. We have a happy relationship, but sometimes the fear of losing him haunts me. Some years ago, he said he liked another girl and broke up with me. We were totally out of contact until some months ago. One day his best friend informed me that he was depressed so I decided to see him. We started talking and behaving like we never broke up. When we were back together, his ex started approaching him. This caused misunderstandings in our lives. So I broke up. After a month, he said the girl was gone from his life and he wanted me back. So we started afresh. He has not shown any interest in that girl ever since. But now it has made a room in my mind, I fear losing him again. I know that he is not cheating on me, but whenever he does not answer my calls I start thinking “Did he find someone else?” I want to let our relationship flow positively and concentrate on positive things. Since, we are young and it’s our time to focus on our career and future, I don’t want this feeling to ruin my mental strength. Please give me suggestions. 

The most important aspect of any relationship is trust. And for the relationship to stay happy and positive you have to learn to trust your partner. Both the partners have to ensure and work hard in keeping and maintaining the trust. If he is not answering your call then he should always call back and inform you about his whereabouts.

You should also give him the benefit of the doubt. If you continue like this, it will not be a happy relationship. Communication is the key to trust and both of you need to communicate. You need to tell him how you feel and he should be able to reassure you as well. Also keep busy. Once your mind is busy and clear you won’t have time to not trust at all. You should always remind yourself that your partner loves and is committed and that he would not do the same again. For the sake of the relationship, learn to trust and give trust back. There is no other way out.

Dear Malvika,
I am a 25-year-old man. I am talking to a girl since two years. I feel comfortable when I talk to her and when I am with her. I love her too much and want to marry her. But I am not able to express my love towards her as I am afraid of being rejected and fear that our friendship will be affected. Please give me a solution.

Does she show the same concern, care and love that you do? Does she share her life details with you? Does she make you feel loved and understood? If yes, then I am sure she feels the same way about you. Most of the times girls wait for the guys to express their feelings and they feel shy to do the same.

So give it a try, express how you feel. You never know what might happen. She might surprise you by accepting it. If not, then be strong and be friends with her. As you cannot force love on someone. It has to be a mutual understanding. But I hope that you are sure about your feelings before you do. Even if she doesn’t accept it, be nice and continue your friendship; she might start seeing you in a different light and accept the proposal.

Dear Malvika,
First of all, it feels amazing to be connected with you in this way. I am a BSc graduate from IAAS Rampur Campus, Chitwan. I was diagnosed with insomnia seven years ago. I visited doctors everywhere I could, took medicines of all sorts and tried yoga, meditation as well as exercises. Since mental wellbeing is still less considered in our society, I feel reluctant to share my problem. I gave up medicines six months ago citing its side effects, but I still suffer from occasional sleepless nights. Doctors of different hospitals diagnosed me with major depression and anxiety. I have been through turbulence in my life due to this problem and feel anxious. I even curse myself for having this. Maybe it is because my parents have not accepted our inter-caste marriage or because of stress as I am preparing for competitive exams of PSC. My husband and in laws do not allow me to take medicines as they fear the side effects. What should I do?

I am not a medical expert so I cannot exactly advice you. What I do know is that sometimes the issues are deep rooted. Have you tried therapy? If not, I suggest you do. Not everyone have the capacity to deal with issues in life and help in anyways should be accepted. On top of that, you have a difficult course to study. Regarding the fact that your parents haven’t accepted your marriage, maybe it’s time to mend and be together.

Ask yourself what makes and keeps you happy. What is it that is holding you back and causing you anxiety? Why not go for Art of Living courses? That should help you too. Do you have girlfriends with whom you can connect and talk about your life? Friendships are great healers too. And please do not curse yourself. Idea of being normal is over rated. Everyone goes through these things some way or the other. If you keep saying that it’s your fault and if others do the same, you will not be able to get out of it. So stop blaming yourself. I wonder what happened seven years ago that you have been going through this. Maybe this is something a therapist would be able to reveal for you. Good luck.

Dear Malvika,
I am 25 years old in a relationship since four years with a guy of my age. My whole family knows about us, but I am familiar with only a few of his friends. I don’t even know his parents. He says he is waiting for the right time to introduce me to his parents. He is about to go abroad for his job and doesn’t find it important that I need to meet or know his parents. There is no doubt that he loves me, but he wants things to be his way. My parents are relieved that I have chosen a man for me. My mother frequently suggests me to opt for a court marriage. I am afraid that he might find someone else in the US. I just wish he informs his parents about me before leaving. I am confused on how to convince him. Please suggest me on what to do. 

When a man is sure about marriage then nothing can stop him from introducing his partner to his parents. It’s the same with girls as well. Even though he might love you, maybe he is not sure about marriage or the concept of marriage. You need to ask him as to what is stopping him from doing the same. Maybe he feels marriage is the end and that it would distract him from his objectives. I do feel that partners should not be coaxed and cajoled into marriage. It should be their want and desire for it to work long term.

Especially for boys. So if this is something he doesn’t want then forcing him won’t get you anywhere. Love him and trust him. If it doesn’t work out when he leaves for the US, you have to know that it wasn’t you. It’s something that he doesn’t want. And that’s okay. But you both have to be communicative. If he says that he doesn’t want to get married now then you should be able to respect that decision.

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