His doubts arose from the fact that even at 82, he vividly remembered Lok who was a speed fiend and who thoroughly enjoyed the thrill of business and travel. He used to jet across the world, networking with clients, socializing with interesting characters and going on rendezvous with the pretty girls he fancied.
"If only they could see me now," he had laughed then.
Ours was a chance meeting. After waiting for what seemed like forever in a hospital queue, we had just struck up a conversation. Perhaps it was the pending doctor's appointment, but he was in a very reflective mood that day. Though he expressed his gratitude for a comfortable old age, he also confessed that every now and then he couldn't help but be stunned at his own transformation.
"Time surely has a way of catching up on you," he had said. "Of course, it is inevitable and it isn't like I didn't see it coming either but every once in a while it still knocks my breath away. This isn't who I was, you know."
I remember he had laughed at the end of the statement again but there was an undeniable hint of remorse too. Time doesn't discriminate. We all age, thus the majority of us might have taken the process for granted. However, that doesn't make growing old any less of a challenge.
And I am not only talking about the very obvious deterioration of health here. During that little waiting room chat with Lok Kumar, I might not have been able to get his last name but I did learn the rarely discussed predicament of our senior citizens: their identity crisis.
Loss of independence involves a change in our identity and is a challenge to our dignity as well. Thus growing old can have an immense impact on the sense of self. The limitations imposed by age and illnesses can be demanding not only physically but both mentally and emotionally. The struggle to maintain daily activities has been known to hit senior citizens' self-esteem hard. It can't be easy to be peeled away from the work we once did, the abilities we once possessed, even the face we were once recognized for.
But that's the way the world works.
Still, accepting the hardship of aging is one thing, rising to the challenge presented by time is quite another. It must be tempting for elderly folks to surrender to their ailments and choose to fester in their old age. But there are still many out there who take the high road.
"Nobody teaches you how to be a senior citizen," says seasoned politician Bhadra Kumari Ghale, 85. "They think it's simple. Just do nothing. But how can I? There are projects that I still want to pursue, responsibilities that I believe I still need to fulfill. This is where it gets tricky. Age may have hindered my physical ability but it hasn't taken away my zest for life. Not yet."
Ghale's personifies the definition of an active elderly. In her youth she had dabbled in a variety of fields ranging from nursing to politics, art to social work and she successfully managed to carve her own niche in each. What's more, even today, her home is a hub of action. There is a steady trickle of visitors. At the moment, she is looking to translate three of her books into English. So she is working out the logistics. But despite her vigor for life, it's not like she doesn't have to face the struggles of growing old.
"I don't like this old age," continues Ghale. "I forget where I keep my things. I need to depend on other people to carry out my chores. I can't even spring right out of this chair and stand up if I wanted to. But at the end of the day, I believe it's all about your will."
Dambar Prasad Dhungel, 74, couldn't agree more. Though he is enjoying his retirement these days, he has had a glorious career to look back at. He served as General Manager of the Nepal Stock Exchange, Chairman of the Security Exchange Board and is regarded as one of the luminaries of our country's capital market. Having passionately worked for most of his life, he talks about how easy it is to lose grip on one's life once they have retired.
"Aging is mostly about your psychology. I have seen how the process can move at twice its speed when somebody lets go of their general enthusiasm for life. This is more evident among retirees. Your philosophy towards life matters a lot here," explains Dhungel.
So with tremendous positivity is how Dhungel plans to tackle his upcoming years. "I think of it as a sweet challenge," he says. "To a large extent, feeling neglected or useless is in your own hand. I choose not to feel like a victim. My priority is to live a healthy life. So I pick the right kind of diet as well as people and activities to keep myself busy."
This perspective seems to be crucial for a healthy and happy old age. Shobha Shrestha has had a long career in archeology. In fact, she was the first woman in Nepal to earn a degree in the field. Now at 71 and though she claims to be a housewife, she still engages herself in projects every now and then. This is partly because she believes old age doesn't have to spell the end of one's career.
"First of all, we ourselves can't become depressed due to the fact that we are growing old," she says. "We have to continue doing whatever little work or chores we can. We have to be strong for ourselves in both our thoughts and actions."
Shrestha also notes the underestimating culture in our society. Senior citizens in our country are automatically assumed to be inept to perform activities of any real importance. Governments abroad, on the other hand, have arranged suitable job opportunities and projects for their elders. It isn't necessarily about working and earning money but more about helping build their morale.
The belief that old age is synonymous with incompetence seems to be the enemy. Society at large as well as older generations themselves ought to change their perspectives. Purushotam SJB Rana, 90, backs this argument. He certainly has lived a full life. He was the General Manager of the only casino in Nepal at Soaltee Hotel (now Crown Plaza) for 22 years.
On the matter, he said, "Psychically, we may be not of much use but as long as an individual is mentally aware, he has still got a lot of worth. There is experience and knowledge. It's up to the rest of the people to utilize them."
Rana insists that he is happier today than when he was a young 20 years old. He reasons that today he has a better understanding of life and the world. Thus, he is more content than ever. He is at peace with his memories and his family.
Old age in every sense seems to be a state of mind. People who perceive themselves as old are more likely to double their psychological troubles and more likely to keep themselves from activities which could keep them young. As Mark Twain once famously said, "Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
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