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Published On: March 7, 2018 12:03 PM NPT By: Republica

Relationships need to be mended time and again

Relationships need to be mended time and again

Dear Malvika,
I am a 19-year-old girl currently studying bachelor’s level first year. Till now I haven’t been in any serious relationship, but now I am dating a guy three years elder to me. The problem is that he is detached and unemotional when we meet, but is completely opposite in phone conversation. Though he avoids meeting me, I don’t feel like giving up on him. It seems like a bad idea to me, but I’m still longing for him. I don’t know what to do. Please help me out in this matter.

Real relationships happen in person not on the phone. And this relationship might look okay to you just because you think you connect on the phone. But it is not real at all. In any relationship, the partners feel a connection with each other in the personal level. And that is what it is. This is something that you cannot ignore. If he is not himself when he meets you now, when will he change then? You will spend most of your life waiting for the change to happen. And you are too young to be in a serious relationship at the moment. Just keep dating is what I would suggest. Keep your options open. You need to be with someone who will be himself when he is with you and the same on the phone or any other communication too. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 32-year-old man married to a woman eight years younger to me. We have been married for two years now, and have been thinking to separate our ways. The only reason behind our separation is that she was having affairs with multiple men. Upon knowing all this, I decided to part our ways but she asked me to forgive her and assured that she would never continue with such acts ever again. I have lost my trust upon her and I feel extremely hurt. She wants us to reconcile, but I am uncertain about it. What would you suggest me?

Everyone has a past and that is okay. You haven’t mentioned here whether she was in relationship with multiple men before or after she met you. If it is now, then ending your relationship with her is the answer. But if this was before you guys met and got married, then I would say you need to learn how to trust her. Breaking up is not the solution. People go through strange situations when they are young, and dating a lot is okay when single. If you had been doing the same thing you would have wanted your partner to understand right? Then you should also do the same to her. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 26-year-old woman and dating a guy on social media. It has been eight months since we started talking to each other. He says he loves me, I also like him but I think I need more time to feel for him more intensely. I feel skeptic of this relationship at times because we have not met in person as of yet. I can’t let myself fall for him badly until I get to know him in person but he is not actually willing to meet. Should I call it an end here or confess him about my feelings? Please give me some suggestion.

If you live in the same area code or in the same country and haven’t met yet, then you should meet first. A lot of fall in love through social media, but they do meet and get to know each other first. If he is not willing to meet then there is something fishy there. What if he has been impersonating someone else? What if you don’t connect the way you think you might? So insist on meeting first before you make any decisions and if he still doesn’t agree then it’s time to bid good bye to this chapter. Make a decision only when you have met a couple of times and you feel some connection with him. There is no rule that you have to stay with him just because you have been talking for so and so months. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 20-year-old guy. Recently, a friend of mine posted a humiliating post on my social media page. This act of his has extremely affected me and I have stopped talking to him. He has been asking me to forgive him for whatever he has done but I am not yet comfortable to have him around me. I feel annoyed seeing him and I can’t tolerate him anymore. What should I do?

You should forgive someone when they are genuinely sorry. You both are at an age where friends tend to pull each other’s legs and make jokes. This is a general phenomenon. The more hatred you carry, the more harmful it is for you. You will have to move on somehow and some day. If he hadn’t said sorry or accepted his faults then I would have said that you need to end your friendship. But since he has, you need to let go of the anger and emotions and start afresh. Because relationships go through highs and lows, it needs to be mended time and again. It never remains the same and people make mistakes. It will not always be roses, but there will be thorns on the way. So accept it for now and try and be okay about it. If he does the same thing again then you know what to do. 

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