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Published On: January 24, 2018 11:44 AM NPT By: Republica

Prove them wrong by working hard and partying hard

Prove them wrong by working hard and partying hard

Dear Malvika,
I am a 23-year-old girl and I recently completed my bachelor’s degree. I have been in love with a guy since three years. Things are going well between us as we had decided to get married. But his family doesn’t seem to like me because I wear short dresses and go to clubs. I also have a bad past. They seem to judge me by my past. But my boyfriend supports me and says that he is even willing to leave his family for me. What should I do?

Everybody has a past, but what matters the most is the present. You are still too young to get married. You seem to have only completed your bachelor’s level education and it seems like you haven’t even started working. I would suggest that you start working, be independent, and then you can work on a future together. Most Nepali parents would be okay with girls going out at nights and wearing revealing clothes. And that is fine. But at the same time we have to grow up too. We have to know what we need to do and be independent as well. They will be concerned that maybe their son is not marrying the right girl. And you need to prove them wrong by working hard and partying hard at the same time. There is nothing wrong with going out. But as long as you guys have the same goals and work toward your future, who knows later when you have convinced them they will ask you how last night was. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 31-year-old woman happily married for eight years now with two daughters. Things were going smooth and beautiful between me and my husband and he had always been a caring husband as well as father despite his busy schedule. Lately, I have noticed that he pays less attention to us and our children, and seems to be busier with his friends. He stays out until late and when I try to talk to him about it, he becomes irritated. I don’t know if I have made any mistake which has caused him to treat me this way. It’s distorting my peace. Can you please suggest what should I do?

No relationship is the same after a while. One of the two partners gets carried away in life. And that seems to be the case with you. Being parents, we sometimes forget that we are also a couple first. And sometimes life and its pressure gets to us, that we forget who we are. They say 30s is the new 20s and a lot of people in their 30s seem to want the lifestyle again that they had in their 20s. Which, of course, mostly doesn’t work that way. I suggest that you go for a couples’ counseling first. There are things which we cannot say to each other, but we could in front of strangers. He also needs to realize that along with friends, his family is important too. And he needs to restore that relationship with you. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 26-year-old guy currently employed in a company. I completed my bachelor’s degree three years ago and I have been working ever since. Initially my plan was to take my studies further, but I started working due to my family’s financial status then. My employment is ending in a few months, but it seems my parents are worried about me being unemployed. This has in many ways put me under pressure. I have been looking for other job opportunities, but unable to find any appropriate ones. I am now planning to go abroad so that I could earn although my inner wish is to continue my further education. At times I feel trapped. Please suggest me.

There are so many companies looking for people to work at the moment. Why don’t you apply with companies who can help you find jobs? They will do half your work and will be able to find jobs for you as well. That would be easier. If you haven’t tried that option I would suggest that you do. You haven’t written here as to why your employment is ending. That would have put some perspective here. So try out some options still. And if you feel the need to go abroad then so be it. But don’t give up so easily. Abroad life is not easy as it seems. Savings will take some time and that also if you live a pauper life. Otherwise it’s going to be difficult for you to send money. Use the pressure in a positive way and don’t let it affect you negatively. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 29-year-old girl. I got married with the love of my life four years ago and we had decided to plan our children with mutual understanding. I don’t want to have a child now because I am working and I would not be able to provide proper care and affection to the child amid my busy schedule for now. But my husband’s family has been pressurizing me to have a kid. Although my husband supported me earlier, he also wants us to approach parenthood. Do you think having children would affect my career, and how can one manage to have children and excel in professional life as well? Please share with me your experiences.  

A couple has to be mentally and physically prepared for a baby. Nowadays it is not only the mother but also the father who has to be equally involved. That gives the child a healthy upbringing. But having said that a woman has to give up a lot comparatively. Here is the thing, you can work till you give birth. That is not a big deal, then you can continue work after three months depending on your health. There are thousands of working women even in Nepal who have been able to manage a career and a baby. Of course you will need all the help that you can. When you start working, you could also pump your milk for the child and send it home. They can put in the fridge and warm it in the bottle when needed. There are many answers online for the same which you can check out. We also have breast pumps available here in Kathmandu. Having a baby is exhausting I won’t lie. So if you are fully prepared to let your life go upside down for the next two-three years with full help from your family, go ahead. You will be able to do it. 

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prove, them, by, working, hard, partying, hard,

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