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Published On: May 30, 2018 12:50 PM NPT By: Republica

Don’t let your assumptions misguide you

Don’t let your assumptions misguide you

Dear Sadichha,
I look up to you as my inspiration and it is good to be reading your column. I am a 25-year-old girl from Kathmandu. After completing my bachelor’s, I took a two-year gap from studies to give a head start to my career. My friends had completed their Master’s while I was still on a break from studies. This made me anxious, encouraging me to continue my further studies immediately.  Recently I applied for the US to pursue my studies but I got rejected of the visa. The rejection demotivated me and now, I no longer feel like doing anything. I’d rather stay at home all day long.  Please help! What should I do?
It is great that you want to continue your studies. I personally believe that education is very important. Everybody gets disheartened by failures but one should not stop trying. I don’t really know the reasons why you chose to study in the US, but I feel like there are many great universities in Asia, and other parts of the world as well. I encourage you to consider other universities that offer the course you prefer to study. 
Personally speaking, I completed my Master’s from AIT (Asian Institute of Technology) because I strongly believe that Asia is the future. Don’t waste your time staying idle at home. It is essential that you utilize your time into something productive. While you are waiting to hear back from the universities, try engaging yourself in activities to boost your CV, or participate in projects that will help you in your personal growth. 

Dear Sadichha,
I am a 20-year-old boy. I have started growing intense feeling for a girl who is from the same college that I go to. My friends are aware of my crush on the girl and are very supportive. I am contemplating on expressing my feelings to her. However, I am very ambitious and see myself in a very successful position in the future. I am confused about starting this relationship. Will it affect my studies and hamper my career goals? What do you think I should do?

If you really like the girl you should let her know, not because your friends are encouraging you but because you do really like her. I am happy to see that you are very confident. I can’t tell you to start or not to start a relationship. However, I will tell you to get your priorities straight. If you are too invested in going after someone or in a relationship then it will definitely take your attention away from studies, so you should set your priorities straight.
 In an ideal world, the two of you will like each other, be in a great relationship, ace your studies and have fantastic careers. The reality, however, can be different. So, when you express your feelings and end up finding that feelings are not mutual, I hope you don’t go bitter. Try to be good friends instead. 

Dear Sadichha,
I am a 32-year-old woman. I have been married for 7 and a half year now. We were in a love relation before marriage. After three years of our marriage, my husband started changing. It’s been almost two years since we stopped sharing the bond that we used to share. I have been a silent viewer and victim of my husband’s indifference. I don’t know what happened because he never talked to me about his issues. However, I have heard from a few people that he has been seeing someone else. I feel my reason to stay with him has ended. I have decided to file a divorce against him. I need your suggestion on this matter. Please help.

Please don’t be a silent viewer. Humans don’t have telepathic abilities to understand what the other person is going through. That is why we need to have conversations and talk to each other to understand what someone else is really feeling. Don’t listen to other people and assume things. ‘Talk to him’. The more you dwell on what other people tell you, the more confused you get. So, I urge you to sit down with your husband and talk to him, ask him why he is behaving the way he is. Is he alright? Is something bothering him? Did he perhaps hear something about you and is distancing himself from you? 
You cannot come to a conclusion -- of giving him a divorce -- without even talking to him. It is always important to maintain good communication to avoid possible misunderstanding in a relationship.

Dear Sadichha,
I am a 23-year-old girl. I just graduated from the university. I am looking forward to continuing my studies. However, my parents are actively persuading me into marriage. They have started looking for my other half against my will. At times, I feel like running away from home. I know this is not the solution but what else can I do? I want to live my life on my own terms. How can I do it?

If you have just graduated from the university, I am sure you have many dreams and goals that you want to achieve. Share those with your parents and explain why you don’t want to get married now. Parents want the best for their children and love them immensely. So, I believe any parent that wants their children’s happiness will try to understand where their children are coming from and respect their viewpoint.  
Running away from home is never the solution. Communicate with your parents. As parents, they certainly care for you even if you are a daughter and marriage is viewed as the ultimate duty of parents. So, they are bound to do which seems right from their side. Explain why you don’t want to get married now and I am sure they will understand your views as well.

dont, let, your, assumptions, misguide, you,

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