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Published On: January 10, 2018 12:42 PM NPT By: Republica

Always stand by your words

Always stand by your words

Dear Malvika,
I am a 23-year-old girl and I've already started getting marriage proposals. I recently met a guy that my relatives think would be fit for me. He is okay, but not my kind of man. Though my family thinks he is apt for me, I don’t feel connected to him. The thought of settling down with someone for whom my heart doesn’t flutter makes me anxious. I feel that I might regret my decision either ways. Most of my friends are still single, and even I am not sure if I am ready for this. What should I do in this situation?

You definitely do not seem ready for this. Marriage is a long term commitment and takes a lot to make it work. If you already feel that he is not your type then I am sure that is true. You are just 23 and you have a lot to experience in life at the moment. Convince your parents that you want to focus on your career, and marriage shall take time for you. A lot of young girls go through the same situation and so had I. You need to tell your parents as well as relatives that this is not the time for you. If you stand by what you say, hopefully they will not pressurize you much for it. It shall take some time for them to be convinced, but you have to stand by what you say. In the meantime, you also need to make something of yourself and be true to what you believe in. Who knows with time you might also find the person that is your type and you will not have to depend on your family to find your partner.

Dear Malvika,
I am a 22-year-old boy. I recently realized that I am in love with a girl. Though we’ve been classmates for three years, I had never experienced the kind of feelings for her that I’ve been feeling of late. It has only been two days that we met and I feel like we’re connected. However, she only takes me as a new friend. I am quite confused if this is just infatuation or I am in love. I have also watched a lot of YouTube videos regarding what to do when situations as such occur, but nothing has helped so far. Please help me on this issue.

In real life situations, sometimes YouTube tutorials don’t work. You felt a connection and a liking toward her. First be friends with her, find reasons to meet her. It could be infatuation too. But that only time will tell. After college people change and want different things. Maybe she is not into you at the moment, but after being friends for some time maybe she could develop feelings for you. Since we don’t know how she feels right now, give it sometime before you confess how you feel. And even after that she still views you as a friend, it is better to maintain your friendship at that point. Feelings cannot be forced, it has to come naturally. Work on it for now and good luck. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 28-year-old girl. My parents had opted for an arranged marriage for me nearly two years ago. My family and my in-laws have been friends before my marriage but their relation has deteriorated ever since my marriage. They’ve also had several disputes shortly after my marriage. I am pregnant now and the cold relation between my two families has caused me many problems as well as stress. I want my families to reconcile and have a warm relation. Please suggest me how can I initiate? 

Not all families get along well. And I am really sad to read that you had to face such problems after marriage. Sometimes when the two families are too close, there arise expectations which lead to disappointments. And so might be the case in yours too. I prefer a relationship to be casual and formal so as to maintain it in the long run. I would say that you keep things within each family. Be close with your husband’s family and as well as with your parents. Make sure your husband shares good vibes with them. Also because you are pregnant, make sure you tell them that they need to get along for their grandchild. Always make sure to say good things about each other which boost their trust and confidence. If one family says something bad about the other, never go and say anything back. You might feel that you need to be honest, but in this situation letting yourself not get affected and keeping quiet on this subject matter is the best thing to do. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 29-year-old guy currently living in Melbourne, Australia. I came here to do my Master's degree four years ago, which I achieved. I'm now employed in an organization here, and I am being paid well. I have been in relationship with a girl for the past five years and now she wants us to get married. My family has also been pursuing me to come to Nepal and get married. I've just started my career here, and I am doing well after years of struggle. Although I want to get married and stay happy with my family, I don't want to let go of the career I've earned. I'm really confused and the frequent pressure from my parents as well as girlfriend is taking a toll on me. Please suggest me what would be the best thing to do?

Since you have spent quite some time abroad and want to work there, I suggest you to be honest with your girlfriend. You need to tell her that you do want to get married, but you do not want to leave Australia. There are hundreds of couples like you, who make the choice as yours. You can get married in Nepal and make your parents happy and then apply for visa for your girlfriend after that. This to me does not seem like a major problem unless your girlfriend does not want to leave Nepal at all. But you can convince her by telling her to come there once and see how it goes. Who knows she might change her mind and be ready to live with you there as well?

always, stand, by, your, words,

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