My story began like most of the teenagers nowadays. A message popped up in one of the social networking sites. The texts from the stranger turned into calls, calls to meetings, meetings to friends, friends to more than friends. That astonishing feeling, the feeling of being loved, those chills and the butterflies. It was like an inexpressible happiness. It always felt right with him. It was the world’s best feeling. I smiled like an idiot when I was thinking about him. My life somehow became better.
Days, weeks, months passed by, we had insecurities, fights, breakups, the apologizing, crying, romance, patch-ups. Gradually with the days passing by his feelings were changing as well. With all smiles he brought me, I never thought that he could bring me so many tears. I realized that I should let him go. But it was not me leaving, it was him pushing. He gave me no reason to stay which became a reason for me to leave.
I used to sit there blaming myself for my mistakes. I used to cry my eyes out as my heart was beating out of my chest and it was hard to handle that pain. The pain of feeling alone, the pain because whatever I did was never enough, that pain of just wanting to sleep forever. I sat there with the red watery eyes and those uncontrollable sniffs. It used to hurt a lot as our late-night conversations had turned to me laying down wide awake with the silent sobs reading the old texts remembering the old him and my old happening life.
Some days I would be fine. I felt relieved and there was a kind of comfort and calmness that now everything is going right. Then there were days again in which I wanted to scream as my heart was aching, I wanted to tell that I was breaking down inside but all I could ever do was whisper “I’m fine”. “But for how long?” I used to ask myself.
This was not what I deserve. All of my sufferings were for someone who doesn’t care what I’m going through and maybe is flirting with some other girl and making her feel as if she’s the most beautiful girl in this entire universe however eventually the same person will make her feel like a piece of shit someday!. “So, why was I doing this?” I was stronger than this. I had become strong the moment I got out of the bed that day. I should move on.
I realized that we all have this one life, so why waste it crying or being anxious and depressed over a guy. There are a lot of the other stuffs to be worried about in life. We should let the bygones be bygones. Either we can let go and make way for the new chapter and happiness in our life or we can stay there depressed and suffer which eats us all up and buries us so deep that we barely remember what we needed and wanted.
Today when I think about it, I feel so stupid that I was enamoured of him and begged for little more love from a stranger forgetting that there were people who had loved and supported me from the day I came in this world and never asked for anything in return. So why waste a little love that you have for someone not worth? Why not become a bold and self-reliant woman and make them crave for you?