Universe will bring you what you need

Dear Swastika,

I'm stuck with wrong friends. My friends at college are annoying and bothersome; they talk only about petty things like clothes and boys and are the kind of people who prefer to stay inside 'their comfort zone.' They are not broad minded or courageous enough to speak their mind. I've come to understand that it's important to acquaint with right people, so that I can learn from them, get inspired from them and push myself to be as good as them. With the kind of friends I have, I guess they will end up making me like them instead. The problem is, in my class the concentration of groupism is really high. Therefore, now it's too late to change groups, and I feel like I'm stuck with them forever. What should I do?
--Trapped

There is so much beauty and power in the rule of this universe. When the wind blows and the leaves sway away from its tree, the leaves somehow always land up with more of their kind. When the river flows steadily in its direction, it might flow for a while with the dead leaves and twigs, sand and soil, and human trash. But eventually, sand and soil find the shore, the twigs and the wastes gather around by big rocks. The river keeps at its course – flowing relentlessly, persistent, not bothered by few highs and few lows.

Continue to be who you are, be the leaf or be the water and continue on your course. Trust the universe, you will find what you truly seek and you will find more people like you from who you can learn and be inspired. But don't be like the dead twigs and branches that get trapped in between the rocks. Remember, college life is not all the life that you've got. There are so many young people out there volunteering in this time of crisis. There are so many young people planting more trees, saving street animals, providing food to the hungry, creating libraries in schools for children, keeping the streets clean, raising funds to support efforts on human trafficking or child abuse.

Maybe this is not the time to try to find friends. This is time to find yourself, your purpose, your mission. It is probably time to find out if you are the leaf, the river, the sand or the dead twig and trash. Once you find yourself, you will attract more of your kind. Right now, don't be afraid to be able. Don't get trapped around the rock with wrong kinds. Open the spaces around you so you can attract more of your kind. But before all that, ask yourself – who am I? Ride alone, strong and steady. Sway away, flow along the course of your choice. Universe will bring you what you need.
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Dear Swastika,

I'm currently in a long distance relationship. I'm in Kathmandu and my boyfriend is in his hometown of Pokhara. He used to work and live in Kathmandu earlier, but since he quit his job, he had gone back home. His house here is also badly damaged by the earthquake, so the chances of him returning to Kathmandu are pretty low. But that's not the problem. He has received a job offer that could move him from Pokhara to Birgunj. I don't mind any of that and wish him all the best. We are serious about each other and plan to get married within the next eight years. Now he wants to know whether I would be willing to relocate from Kathmandu to Birgunj or any place where his job might be. I tell him that I'd go with him, not to worry and that we should be focusing on building our careers right now. But he wants an answer so that there's no misunderstanding in the future. He's been pretty insistent and I'm feeling irritated now. Please tell me whether I owe him an answer?
--Irritated

What happens when everything you once believed in begins to fall apart? What happens when the ground upon which you stood with the belief that it is strong and sturdy begins to vehemently shake? What happens when the house that symbolized strength, security and permanence, begin to crack and collapse? What happens when your belief in your strength to take care of your family and serve the larger community is reduced to an overwhelming sense of helplessness, and incomprehensible sense of futility and mistrust towards life? Well, you begin to desire for something strong and firm to hold on to, to believe in.

Earthquakes and aftershocks might be over (I hope) but our lives and relationships are going to continue to being affected by it. We've begun to question the purpose of life. We've seen the futility of our efforts and our gains. We've begun to doubt our own abilities and strengths. For the next several years, the way people think, act and value will be affected and influenced by this quake. Consequently, human relationships will be tested.

How are we able to understand the range of emotional turmoil that our loved one is really going through? How do we pause and listen to them worry and be affected by something what we personally fell is too insignificant and irrational? I don't know what kind of a relationship you shared with him before all the disaster struck. But you might have to pay extra attention to what he is going through and how it is affecting his actions and behavior now. Understand the challenges that your relationship will face in this phase. If he's worth loving and staying committed to with an eight-year plan in your pocket, he might be worth supporting, understanding, and helping him understand his own emotions. Be patient. It is a testing time for all of us who love; our love needs proving.Swastika

Swastika Shrestha is the co-founder and head of training and support at Teach for Nepal. She has several years of experience training and mentoring youth leaders. She can be reached at swastika@teachfornepal.org.