KATHMANDU, Nov 25: Upon hearing that people in the west start living on their own right after turning 18, most of us might stomp the floor and curse our fate. Living alone without anyone questioning you for coming home late, waking up at your own convenience, or leaving your room messy, might seem magical to many. But that's only the good side.
Not having any guardian to make sure you eat on time or take care of you when you aren't in good health doesn't sound all very fun either. Like there are two sides to every coin, there are both pros and cons of living on your own.
Who teaches who: parents or children?
"Yes mom, I'll be home before dark!"
An oath you will have to take if you're living with your parents is that you will be home before it gets too dark. Even if that might mean missing a special seminar or socializing with the awesome people afterwards. Twenty-two-year-old Pragya Nepal, who stays with her parents, shares, "There was a time when I was all set to sing at a farewell function. It was seven in the evening, and my worried parents kept calling me." The student of Bio Technology recalls how she ended up giving a mediocre performance, because she "just didn't feel it any longer."
However, it's a tad bit easier for boys to avoid curfew hours set by parents, says 25-year-old Kshitiz Adhikari. "In case of boys, parents aren't that strict about us coming back home late, but not always. They encourage us to get back home before it gets dark and unsafe. However, I feel with proper communication, things can be mended," says the student of CSIT, who lives with his parents.
Communication, the culprit
Parents were once young, too. Proper communication is perhaps the key to make them understand that you are mature enough to not take any rash decision and that certain things are a little too important than they realize. "The truth is, our parents are from a different generation and that creates the differences of understanding. Proper communication is the key here," suggests Pragya.
"I guess we need to start communicating with our parents like friends. Don't hesitate to share with them about your friends, and even boyfriends or girlfriends. And of course parents should handle that well, as grownups. Our parents' biggest concern is their children distancing them from their lives, so why not talk about it and fill the communication gap? Make them feel that they are important and that you won't make any decision in life without consulting them first," Kshitiz shares.
The perks of living alone
The biggest disadvantage of living with parents is that you don't get to experience struggle, says Kshitiz. Pragya seconds him, adding that in order to find one's value and explore their potentials, one needs to move out from their comfort zone.
Gopal Trital, 29, a student at National College, has been living away from his parents for the past five years. He enjoys living alone and believes that after a certain age, parents should take the initiative to allow their children to live on their own. "I used to be a very timid and shy person, but when I started doing it all on my own, I felt that I didn't need to be shy at all. I gradually became a more confident and mature person. Furthermore, parents should also encourage their children to travel on their own, which allows one to see and learn things no textbook or lectures can teach," he shares.
"My mom made me memorize this quote while I stayed with her: 'You can be safe among a 100 strangers if you're confident, but if you're insecure, even one stranger will make you feel unsafe. Keep your confidence rock solid forever.' I will never forget it. And living alone brought out the confidence in me; I understood myself more. Rather than identifying oneself as 'I'm so and so's son or daughter', people begin to question who they really are. And that is a vital quest that everyone must undergo," says Trishna Acharya, 23, a research assistant at Lakshya Nepal. She has been living away from her parents for the last nine years.
But family is family
"If I had the choice, I'd definitely live with my parents. I feel family is an important institution in a society. Everyone needs to belong to a certain institution to understand the social structure better and to be socialized properly," Trishna opines.
Pragya adds by noting her special Sundays at her home when she observes puja with her family and gets to learn her tradition better. "Even if someday I'd love to live on my own, I still don't think one should cut all his/her contact with their parents, because that's stupid. And family is the best medium to learn one's culture and traditions and also understand the meaning behind them."
Kshitij acknowledges the fact that his parents are the main reason for why he is on 'track.' He says, "I'd never want to live away from them. Mostly because I feel responsible towards them for making me the person I am today."
Most importantly, without parents around to check on your junks intake, you end up developing a bad eating habit. "Freedom comes with responsibility, so if you aren't disciplined enough like I had been, you might develop health problems due to lack of proper diet," Gopal says.
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