I've always been ambitious and I'm at the point in my life where I'm doing different things that are making me happy. I have four part-time jobs that are paying me very well. I'm learning new things through them, too. But sometimes, I get really tired of constantly being on the move and meeting people. I feel like I can't even rest properly on the weekends because I have a report to write or I have to call someone for something or the other. I do enjoy what I'm doing but I feel overwhelmed sometimes. My parents suggest that I give up one of the jobs and that I shouldn't have to feel like I need to do everything because I'm only 25. I do believe I need to take a break or follow their advice but I'm afraid such opportunities won't come to me again. How do I cope?
--Vinay
Vinay, have faith in the abundance of life. There is no shortage of opportunities, or potentials of happiness and fulfillment in this universe. Look around you, you have so much already and it is not by mere chance or luck. Life will always have a lot to offer to someone who is as diligent and driven like you. Right now, you fear that if you refuse something that life has given you, you wouldn't get similar opportunities later. I can understand your fear. Your question reminds me of this lavish breakfast buffet that I went out to with a bunch of youth. Some of them stood right at the beginning and started taking everything that was lined up in front of them. Midway through the buffet, someone exclaimed, "Oh my God! I can't go on any more. There's way too much food." Then someone just laughed out loud: "You don't have to take everything that is offered, just take what you want." Duh! Everyone looked around each other's plate piled up with good food that they were not going to be able to finish, and started rolling on the floor with laughter.
Life is a giant buffet of opportunities, way too much for a single person to possibly handle. Carefully pick what you want and can humanly manage. Make sure you have time for everything else that matters—family, friends, hobbies, health, and wellbeing. What is important is to be very, very grateful that life is exceptionally kind to you and offers you all these opportunities. It is important to be extremely humble and very apologetic when you refuse offers for work. Never say never; just tell people that you can't take on anything more at this time but let them know that you would be very, very interested if something like this comes in future. Then, keep in touch with them and maintain your network with people so that when you do have the capacity to do more, you can easily reach out to them.
Be grateful to the opportunities you've had. But also remember that you found these opportunities for yourself as much as these opportunities found you. As long as you continue to be humble in your ways, positive in your attitude, diligent enough to work hard, and are doing very well in what you do, opportunities will find you. Trust the abundance of life; it has more to offer than what you need or can receive. Trust your own power; you'll always open your doors to your opportunities. And remember, ultimately, one who has found balance, is the one who has achieved everything in life.
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Monkey buffet in Thailand
Dear Swastika,
My parents are getting on my nerves. They constantly argue over little things and then relate everything to us as if asking us to choose sides. My mom's problem is that he never listens to her and doesn't even reply to her when she asks him questions. And my dad believes that mom is stubborn and doesn't want to understand why he does certain things. I know my dad is the stubborn one here while my mom has the tendency to nag people. I'm tired of listening to them and playing the referee. I've even stopped picking up their calls for some time now. But is there a way I can handle this without hurting their feelings?
--Subhu
Every time I visit my parents' home, I'm treated like a princess. They always make so much good food. They don't let me do any dishes. They clean up after me. Despite me asking them not to, they will have my clothes washed and ironed. All these years, they've fulfilled my irrational demands, stood for me against the world even when I was on the wrong side, and hustled to get me chances and opportunities in life that I didn't earn. They've compromised their needs to fulfill mine, and put themselves on harm's way to keep me safe. Thus sometimes, I stand in front of this tall mirror in my room at my parent's house and tell myself, "Sometimes people need what they don't deserve and right here, in this house, is where I get a lot of those things."
Our parents, indeed all parents in this world, are probably the only ones who give their children everything they need despite of whether they deserve it or not. But I agree, that our relationship with our parents come with a lot of pain in our bottom that we don't deserve either. I know exactly what you mean by having to referee. That definitely is no fun. Firstly, remember that everyone is responsible for their karmas and they will reap based on what they have sown. You can't change and direct your parents' daily life or ultimate destination. Second, there's probably no end to their bickering; some relationships just thrive like that. In a relationship when two people argue, it could just mean that it's alive and that there's a lot of energy in that relationship. Lastly, remember, most of the time, there isn't much that we can do for our parents. There isn't much we can give. So, if you ever find something or anything that you can give, grab that opportunity.
Whoever is the most stubborn, or whoever is the most nagging doesn't matter; just listen to them. Nothing has to be fixed or solved. Just listen and be present. Sometimes, remind them that when all their children abandon them, all they will have is each other. Remind them to be nice, to be polite, to be kind, to be loving, to be forgiving, and to still try and become a new person as years go by.
Don't expect them to change overnight, for the nagging to be over, or for the stubbornness to disappear. Don't be overwhelmed by how many times you land up in the same topic, same situation, or same conversation. Be compassionate, be patient just like they were to us. Love them enough to listen. Be grateful enough to know that we'll never be able to repay them for what they've done for us. Be compassionate enough to know that it's now your turn to give them what they need, but perhaps don't deserve.
Swastika Shrestha is the co-founder and head of training and support at Teach for Nepal. She has several years of experience training and mentoring youth leaders. She can be reached at swastika@teachfornepal.org.
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