My cousin brother recently graduated from high school with distinction. He aspires to become a Mechanical Engineer but his parents have been forcing him to take up MBBS. As far as I know him, he has never been interested in medical science. Since a young age, he cringes at the sight of blood, is petrified of injections, and can't stand that peculiar smell of hospitals. Well, the main point is he wants to become an engineer. He has always been keen on learning about vehicles, their design and functions. Long story short, how can I help him, or convince his parents that you can't just force your dream on someone else?
--Seema
There are some dreams that are worth fighting for. Some dreams are worth risking your family's love and support. For some you can leave everything behind. Then there are some that can be postponed for a later time. And then there are some that you can neatly fold and lock up in a closet to only think of it every now and then with fond memories. But who decides the destiny of the dreams? The dreamer! The intensity of the dream that each dreamer feels in his/her heart determines and provides the impetus to fight, to flee, or to fold and forget.
But why do parents insist on their children leaving behind their own dreams to pursue a different one? Maybe because they don't really understand how intensely the fire burns inside the heart. Maybe they think that the fire is not strong enough to last a lifetime. Maybe they think that one can easily fall out from one dream and fall in love with another.
Before thinking about how you can convince your uncle-aunt, maybe you need to ask your cousin if this is a dream that he is ready to fight for or if he can fold it and still move on with life. If it is something worth fighting for, then remind him that he has to fight for it. He has to be able to convince his parents that he's got insuppressible fire within him; that it will burn him down to ashes if it doesn't come true. He has to continuously fight for it – by assertively working towards his dream or by actively refusing to move towards the other. He has to say it again and again and again. He has to prove it again and again and again.
What you can do is support your cousin's battle. You can point his parents to see the fire that they are not seeing. But you can't battle alone for him. It is his battle. It is his dream.
Careful in life
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Dear Swastika,
I'm the first child of my parents and I have a younger brother. I understand that being the older sibling comes with lots of responsibilities, but I absolutely hate it when I become the scapegoat to every little (or big) mistake my brother makes. Whenever there's something wrong, my parents turn to me and scold me even though the fault is clearly my brother's. For example, if my brother makes the room dirty, I get the scolding. Sometimes I feel my parents don't love me at all.
--Sad sister
Do you remember how your parents have taught you to love and to be responsible? Remember how many things they have taught you about life and living. Don't you feel utterly grateful for how they opened your eyes to the reality of this utterly confusing world? If you feel love and gratitude towards them, it is time you return them the favor by looking deep into their eyes and telling them (with lots of love) that they are biased. It is a duty of every child, as it is the duty of every parent, to open each other's eyes towards their flaws and shortcomings.
Parents and Gods are same in so many ways. But Gods too have flaws and thus every now and then, it is important to wake them and shake them to see reality as it really is. It was the duty of people to remind Lord Ram to believe in the chastity and devotion of Sita instead of putting her through the pyre of doubt and humiliation. When Gods fail, it is the failure of the pupil. When parents fail, it is the failure of children. It is our duty to uphold Gods and Parents to live to their name.
It is important to love parents just the way it is important to worship the Gods because their love, compassion and virtues are omniscient. With everything they have given us, we have to give them back the clarity when their heart and mind begin to cloud them into blindness. Give your parents back their eyes so that they can be fair. Tell them that you know you are loved and also tell them that it is not fair to hold you accountable for everything. Tell them that it is not fair to your brother to grow up thinking that he doesn't have to be accountable for his mistakes. Remind them with love. It is your biggest duty to open their eyes.
