I have always believed in discouraging begging. Well, I have offered money and food to some, especially little ones and really old people on the street, but most of the times I just ignore them. Recently, I saw a woman in her 40s, begging in the streets of Sundhara. Since my office is nearby and I pass that particular stretch of road twice every day, I knew she was new. Holding a little baby with her, she was pleading for help pointing at the infant. As I passed her, I didn't feel a thing because it's something I see every day. But then as I reached work that day, I couldn't help feeling guilty. It was a strange feeling. I felt that I could have done something really good if I had stopped and asked her how I could help her. When I went back later to the same place, she was nowhere to be seen. I haven't seen her since, but the particular memory of her face pleading for help continues to upset me. What should I do?
-Guilt-riddenMost of us live in the illusion that we have much of everything and it is just a matter of choice – to give or not to give. What we don't realize is how impoverished our own life is. There is so much we don't have. We don't have enough time to even notice people lying helplessly in the streets. We don't have enough resources to help everyone in need. And worst of all, we don't have compassion to feel for someone who is a destitute against his/her will. We don't have eyes to see beyond what seems obvious – that within the choice of begging, there is a choice-less-ness of having to beg. It is easy to see a broken leg, but what about our ability to see a broken soul?
We think we make that choice to discourage begging. But are we sure that our refusal to act in itself is enough of an action to discourage begging? Is it that we need less of begging or is it that we need more of compassion? Do we want to discourage beggars from begging or do we want to end the causes that leave people no option but to beg? If our society were more compassionate, if the rich weren't hoarding everything and hiking up the prices, wouldn't there be fewer people who become the destitute to our rapidly modernizing and urbanizing cities? If our families were more compassionate, don't you think there would be less mentally challenged, disabled and old people on the streets? If we were smarter people in this world, don't you think we would design a world without poverty?
When I offer whatever I can afford to offer to someone who needs, I don't think too much about him/her. I just do it because I hope and pray that one of these days, I can go back to being a compassionate being that I once was. I know that I am capable of random acts of compassion towards those whom my mind can discriminate as deserving against those who I think don't deserve acts of kindness. But there is a difference between doing something out of compassion and being compassionate. I give whenever I can because I hope to become someone whose compassion is not dependent on the society's judgment of who deserves and who doesn't deserve kindness. I don't ask them for reasons they are begging, because I have my own selfish reasons. I give so I can grow my heart wide open.
I believe that there is enough compassion in this world. Maybe you will never meet this woman again in your life and there is nothing you can do about it. You can only pray that see finds compassion from someone else. But the beauty of the world is such that you don't have to get stuck on the ideas of what you should have done, life will continue to offer more opportunities to do what you can.
I wish you the ability to love, to be compassionate and to walk through life with your heart on your palms.
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Dear Swastika,
My sister always complains that I'm selfish and don't care enough for her. Given my introverted nature, I do believe that I can be a little aloof at times, but when I asked her why she thinks I'm selfish and not caring enough, she said I don't accompany her to parties and don't participate in her many sessions of gossips and shopping adventures. She is a very important person in my life, but I really can't do something that I don't enjoy just to be in her good books. How should I deal with this?
-Pari
Some things in life are a gift and some things we have to build and nurture. It is perhaps a gift that you have a sister who means so much to you. But sisterhood is a journey and not just a destiny. It needs to grow and evolve.
I don't know how fair it is for your sister to expect you to assert your love by constantly being around her. Maybe if she had written to me instead, I would have told her that she should understand that you, her sister, are a different being and thus she should accept you just the way you are. But since you wrote to me instead of her, I am going to tell you – what is love if you don't push yourself a little out of your comfort zone?
It doesn't mean that when in love, one should completely let go of one's inner self. But it might mean pushing a little of one's own boundaries and asking the other when you need them to do that for you. It might be about clearly communicating your need to be your introverted self, your willingness to come out of the cocoon in the name of love every now and then, your inability to do it all the time, and your need to be understood and loved back just the way you are.
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