"I learnt about sex for the first time when I was in grade 11. My friend told me about it and it all seemed so perplexing. Then much later, I watched porn out of curiosity; I was absolutely disgusted," says 20 year old Tanya.To that, Faris replies, "Then you probably didn't watch the right one."
Faris is also a 20 year old student and like Tanya, it also took a friend to teach him about the birds and the bees. But the explanation wasn't exactly clear to the 8th grader and it was only when he began to watch porn that he wholly understood the truth of the matter.
Both Tanya and Faris are virgins. Tanya intends to remain one until she gets married. "I want wait for the person I'll marry because marriage is the ultimate commitment. I am happy to wait for that person."
Faris, on the other hand, feels he is ready to be sexually active. With a smile, he says, "I was in relationships but they weren't ready to go the next level so I will have to wait for someone else."
While friends are mostly the ones who assuage our curiosity or surprise us with lessons on sex, there are some parents who take the time to sit down for that talk.
Twenty one year old Seema remembers the first time she had that conversation with her mother. "I was around 13 years old and my mom told me about what menstruation is and also about sex. Over the years, we've had many conversations about sex and sexual behaviour. She would discuss about STDs, premarital sex and unplanned pregnancies. She also showed me newspaper clippings on such topics and she was open to answering my questions," she says.
Seema's mother also handed her a book on sexual health and encouraged her to talk about it. "That was very sweet of her but these days I'm not very comfortable revealing it all so I go to the Internet with my questions," she shares.
The easy accessibility and anonymity provided by the Internet presents the youth with a comfortable portal from where they get many answers about sex. Although, we do have sex education classes in schools, many youth complain that the education is not sufficient.
"We didn't really learn much about sex in school. Some of the chapters would be skipped altogether and when we asked questions, our teachers were shy and uncomfortable to answer," states Seema.
Sex continues to remain a sensitive topic and a taboo at large. As most parents and teachers tend to avoid approaching the topic in a responsible manner, the tradition of viewing sex as a disruptive conversation subject matter and a huge source of mortification persists.
"I feel like sex has become just a medium of child birth in our country without any added value to it," Tanya blatantly explains, "It would be nice if we had somebody explain to us that sex can be beautiful, too."
For Seema, being sexually active is a matter of being mentally prepared. "I consider sex a basic need. But I feel like I am not mentally ready yet, and I don't know when I will get there so I'll just have to wait," she adds.
Rabin, who is sexually active, considers sex "a normal fun activity".
Neeta has a similar statement to make about sex. The 21 year old first had sex when she was eighteen and does not regret it.
She asserts Nepal does not have the culture that encourages youth to talk about sex with their parents; it would "understandably be weird".
She continues, "But we definitely prefer talking about sex with a trusted teacher or a counsellor maybe."
Along with the confusion about the appropriate time to have sex, youth also have fears relating to it, which is often coated with myths.
"There are a lot of myths relating to sex and masturbation. One big fear for boys is about the possibility of a faulty condom which leads to pregnancy," says Faris, to which Rabin nods.
Safe sex is important, they all say. But contraception, particularly condoms, is what they prefer using.
"I guess my fear is getting embroiled in a scandal if the news became public," Tanya shares.
Some myths
1. Masturbation causes blindness.
2. Masturbation causes one to be taller.
3. Masturbation increases the size of the penis.
4. Using two condoms increases protection.
5. You won't get pregnant if you have sex while menstruating.
6. If you get an STD once, you can never get it again.
7. Size matters.
All names have been changed.
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