Dear Swastika,
I recently told my family that I am gay, and that I have a boyfriend. Now my family wants me to move out and by this you can say that they are conservative. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have a place to go. I’m doing my Bachelor’s and not working. Please help.
- Help Needed
I understand. The world is never kind to those who want to change the way things are or challenge the age-old belief systems. Thus, for those of us who are not and choose not to be like the rest must demonstrate extraordinary strength and perseverance. So, roll up your sleeves, pull all your strengths together and prepare your heart to fight this battle. Call up every person you know and seek the support and help you need – for a place to stay or to help you find a job or to find a way to continue your education. Find organizations which have support groups for those who identify themselves as LGBTQ. Fight for it. Remember – when God made you different, she also gave you unlimited power to survive the many challenges that you would face. All you have to do is recognize it and to never ever give up.
Dear Swastika,
My best friend has a new friend and I think she’s just evil. I don’t want to hang out with her but she’s always there with my friend. How can I tell her that I don’t like her and should not hang with us. Will I sound rude? I don’t want to be rude.
- Nish
Evil as if she is drooling blood, tearing up people with her sharp nails and chewing people’s soul? Just kidding! On a more serious and a tragic note, we really have no control over other people’s feelings or choices. If you don’t like hanging out with this person, you have the choice not to hang out with her. But I don’t think you have control over what your best friend chooses. Your best friend can choose you or s/he can choose the other friend. I don’t think you can make the decision alone that you don’t want this person to hang out with “us.” To keep a relationship healthy, we must remember not to make decision for the other person; instead, clearly communicate your personal concerns and ask for their perspective.
Dear Swastika,
I’m 18 and I have a boyfriend who said he loves me but he flirts around with other girls in front of me, making me uncomfortable. I’ve asked him not to do it and he says ‘OK’ but he’s back flirting the next time we’re out. Should I break up with him?
-Sush
You could break up with him or we could do a fun experiment with your situation. Start flirting around (or pretend to flirt – whichever suits you) with others when you’re with him. If he’s okay with you flirting around, then you should know that you are in the “healthiest” possible relationship where he allows you the freedom that he seeks. If he starts getting grumpy and starts complaining, then you can rub the word ‘hypocrite’ on his face and remind him of the unequal power dynamics in your relationship. Relationship sometime needs opportunities to grow and mature. If we step out of the relationship every time something doesn’t suit us, then it’ll really be inconvenient to keep track of all the people who come in and leave our lives…(just joking!). But on a serious note, the idea of a relationship is perhaps about taking the responsibility for each other’s gradual enlightenment by simply saying, “I’ll share what I know about being in love and being committed so you too can feel truly blessed.”
Swastika Shrestha is the founder of Anuvuti, a social enterprise that engages young people in service-learning. She’s been coaching and mentoring young people in different capacities for over a decade.
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